The Only Exception
by KaelynnLovesGerard
Summary: Katie is sixteen, the guys are nineteen. When Katie confesses that she thinks of James as more than a brother,her life spirals out of control. Rated for mild language and scenes of abuse.
1. Smoothies

**I'm making it so Katie was twelve when the band first started **

**(I think that's how old she looked). And lets not forget that the boys didn't even have permits; therefore, they must have been fifteen. If you don't like, deal with it. In this story, Katie is 16 and the guys are 19.**

**xoxo Kaelynn**

**(Katie is a bit OOC at the beginning, but gradually she gets more Katie-ish. And plus we don't know what she's like at sixteen.**

**Nine in the Afternoon Ch.1**

"Hi, Gustavo," I say as I walk into the Roque Records recording studio. He is sitting in his big black chair next to Kelly, who is in turn listening to headphones.

"Do you know where I can find the guys?" I ask him, and he nods.

"They're working on some choreography in the dance studio," he half-shouts at me, his normal volume.

I turn an about-face, almost spilling the tray of smoothies I have balanced on one hand. I walk to the dance studio in silence, thinking about what a lousy morning I've had.

When I reach the studio Kendall jumps up to greet me. "Thanks, Katie!" he says.

"No problem," I say with a smile, and then suddenly get serious. I hold out my hand, palm upturned. "That'll be twenty bucks."

He sighs. "I was kind of hoping you'd forget about that." He begins digging his wallet out of his back pocket as the guys come to claim their drinks.

Yes, I am Katie Knight, sister of Kendall Knight, member of Big Time Rush. Some people are saying they are getting a bit old to be in a boy band; I don't agree, because they are only 19.

Okay, so maybe they are a bit too old.

You would think they'd have their own apartments by now. But who wants to sacrifice a life at the Palm Woods?

Logan grabs his smoothie with extra enthusiasm, and I guess that it was probably because of all the coffee he sucked down this morning.

"Thanks, Katie!" Carlos exclaims brightly when I hand him his Banana-Mango Tango. As much as I hate to admit it, Carlos's cheeriness always manages to put me in a better mood, despite it often becoming annoying within the first few minutes.

And then I hand the tray to James.

I suppose I've had a bit of a crush on him since I was twelve, when the band first started. My brother and his friends were then only fifteen, Logan being the only legal driver.

But in these past two years, I've grown to love James Diamond.

Don't get me wrong; I've always loved the guys like brothers, (or, as I've told Carlos, like a sister), but in these last two years, I've become heartbreakingly in love with James. I would never admit it to a soul (besides Carlos, he is my main confidant.), and I'm pretty sure it would freak Kendall, Logan, and James out. Carlos doesn't care, in fact supports me. That's where the sister part comes in. I suppose Carlos is my best friend, in a way.

"Um, Katie," James says, pulling me out of my reverie. "Could you let go?"

I realize that I still have one side of the tray clutched in my hand.

"Oh," I said, and quickly released it. Carlos gives me a knowing look, and I step on his foot.

"Don't worry," Kendall says, looking at Logan. "She was just in-"

Cue Logan. "OUTERRR SPAACCEEE!" they chorus, wiggling their fingers. I roll my eyes.

"You guys are such idiots," I say with my signature scowl.

"That's why you love us," Logan says, giving me a bear hug.

"Ugh, get off of me!" I exclaim, wrinkling my nose in mock-disgust.

I glance at James, who is looking in the reflective glass of the wall and doing his 'Cuda' moves. I sigh, wondering when I became that girl, the one who obsesses over her appearance around a guy, who falls in love.

I know he'll never want to be with me. My sixteen year-old body isn't nearly as developed as that of the women who go after James. I get plenty of guys asking for my number, but I am not as pretty as the girls after him. My mother says I have natural beauty, and Carlos (being his good, sisterly self) agrees. I try to wear just the right amount of make-up to accentuate my big brown eyes. Sometimes I actually feel confident until I walk out of the apartment and see him flirting with some blonde bimbo.

And, of course, I am his best friend's little sister.

**If you don't like, don't review unless there is a good reason. Like if I have bad grammar or REALLY bad OOC.**


	2. Patrick Swayze and Secret Spilling

**So this one seems a bit better XD And does anyone know if they are ever gonna put a Bandfic section on here? Cause I got a hankerin to publish my MCR and Panic! fics.**

**Nine in the Afternoon Ch. 2**

Tonight we are all sitting around watching, oddly enough, _Dirty_ _Dancing_ on HBO. It has been a few hours since the smoothie incident. Mom is gone to see Grandma in Minnesota. She begged me to go, but I couldn't leave.

James isn't in Minnesota.

"Katie, quit hogging the popcorn!" Kendall exclaims, grabbing the bowl from my hands. "You're gonna get even fatter if you keep eating like this."

"Don't listen to him, Katie," James says. I am sandwiched between him and Kendall on our couch. "He's just PMSing cause Gustavo said he wasn't dancing at the right tempo. You aren't fat." He smiles, and the lightest of blushes touches my cheeks.

It drives me crazy how sweet he can be. I mean, he's just like Kendall and Logan sometimes, teasing and trying to get a rise out of me. But other times he is so damn nice that I just want to kiss him on the spot. I inwardly groan when I think this; I sound like a frigging Disney princess.

"No, you aren't," Carlos pipes up from his position in front of the TV. He is lying on his stomach, heels crossed in the air, with his hands clasped under his chin. He looks just like a giggling school-girl, and any minute I expect him to swoon over Patrick Swayze's muscular chest.

"Well, of course your BFF isn't going to agree," Kendall scoffs in a Valley-girl voice.

"I'm not fat and you know it, Kendall," I say, and elbow him in the ribs. "Can we please get back to the movie?"

We sit in silence for a few minutes, paying rapt attention to the movie.

"Aw, man, we're out of popcorn," Kendall says. He pauses to glare at me, and I stifle a laugh.

"Oh, for goodness sakes, Kendall, can't you fix your own popcorn?" I ask, and he pouts. He perks up suddenly, and upturns the bowl of kernels onto my lap.

"What the hell?" I exclaim, jumping up. My shorts are now coated in grease, hot grease.

"Eh, eh, eh," he says, waggling a finger. "No swearing."

"Oh, quit acting like such a saint," I say with a scowl. I stand up to go fix more popcorn, and Carlos hops up, too.

"I'm thirsty," he says.

"You've got a full cup of-" I begin, but he cuts me off. I look at the rest of the guys, who are once again engrossed in the movie. We proceed into the adjoining kitchen, and Carlos begins talking in a low, excited voice.

"-see how he stood up for you? You've got to admit, that is one major sign," he is saying as I set the microwave on three minutes. He has his chin in his hands, looking once again like a giggly schoolgirl. I roll my eyes and lean against the counter.

"He was just being sweet, Carlos!" I hiss. "Please quit talking about it around them!"

"What are you two whispering about?" I hear Logan ask, and suddenly the movie is paused.

"Just this guy Katie likes," Carlos says, and I slap him in the chest.

Suddenly there is a loud screech and all three of the other guys are sitting in front of me on stools, leaning over the countertop.

"Oooooh, do tell!" James says, and I blush a little.

"It better not be that Jacob guy," Kendall grumbles, and I frown.

"No, really guys, I don't want to-"

"Plllleeeaaassseee!" Logan says with a puppy-dog face.

_You have got to be kidding me._

"Fine."

_Why do they care?_

"Are you gonna tell us about who you like or not?" Kendall asks impatiently.

"Well," I begin in a defeated voice. "That's exactly the thing. I don't just like him…I think I love him." The last part of the sentence is hushed, and the guys are enthralled.

"And…?" James says.

"He's really sweet. He has a beautiful singing voice…He's almost always nice to me. I mean, we argue like you'd expect- well, we argue sometimes. He's the most handsome guy I know-"

"Psht," James scoffs. "Please. I'm the most handsome guy you know." My cheeks heat up a little at that, but thankfully no one notices.

"He's a few years older than me," I say, seeing Kendall's face of disapproval. "But he would never go out with me," I say in a whisper, suddenly getting serious. I find it depressing that I'm describing him and he doesn't even notice.

"Why do you say that?" Logan asks curiously.

"It's nothing-"

"TELL!" they all chorus, including Carlos.

"I guess," I begin, and then talk quickly. "I just…I'm not that pretty, and I'm not nearly as developed as the girls who go after him." I blush after my rush of words.

"Ugh, stop!" Kendall says in disgust, holding up a hand. "Since your…development began, I've succeeded in not thinking about it. Let's not stop that now."

This amuses me, so I ask, "Does it really bother you that much?"

He nods, and I grab Carlos's hand, leading him to the bathroom as an idea sparks in my head.

Once in the bathroom, I kneel on the floor and open the cabinet. After rummaging for a moment, I pull out two brightly colored boxes.

"Are we doing what I think we're doing?" Carlos asks slyly, understanding flashing across his face. I nod.

"Oh. Yeah."

We position ourselves at the bathroom door.

"1…2…3!" I shout, and we run out of the bathroom.

"What the-" Kendall begins as we pelt him with feminine products.

"What are these?" Logan asks, picking one up. He drops it with a blush. I swear, they still act like little fifteen year olds.

"Are these…tampons?" Kendall asks, and I nod. A look of horror spreads on his face, and he jumps up, swearing and brushing himself off violently.

He calms down after a minute and sits back down.

"So tell us more about this guy," James says eagerly, with that gorgeous grin of his.

_A tampon attack and they STILL aren't distracted?_

"Well," I say awkwardly. "I kinda have to clean these up. This is a two month supply."

"_Two months_?" Kendall asks in disbelief. "Exactly how much do you _bleed_?"

We all whip our heads around at his question.

"Did you really just ask me that?" I ask. He blushes. "Think about it, loser. Me and Mom."

"Alright, that's enough," Carlos says for the other guys' sakes.

"The room just got about twenty degrees more awkward."

We stand in silence for a second, and then I nod at him.

So Carlos and I clean them up and come back. The popcorn timer dings, and Carlos pulls it out.

"So, once again, why do think this guy wouldn't like you?" Logan asks. I roll my eyes.

"Because, as I've said," I say, exasperated. "I am not as pretty as the girls who go after him."

"You're pretty," Carlos says, and I roll my eyes again.

"Whatever, Mom," I say to him, sarcasm dripping from my voice.

"But you are," James pipes up. My cheeks heat up extremely at this, and they all notice.

"Jeez, Katie," Kendall says. "All he did was say you were pretty. You actually are, as much as it kills me to compliment you. So why did you turn so red-"

"Oh." We all look at Logan when he says this.

"What do you mean, 'oh'?" James asks him.

"Oh," Logan says again, the expression on his face growing weirder by the second.

"Dude-"

"Oh!" Kendall says, and I think the whole world has gone insane. "KATIE! NO!"

"What did I do?" I ask, wondering what the hell is going on.

"That's just weird," Logan says. "How is she in love with him?"

"Tell me-" James begins.

Kendall puts his face in his hands. "Why, Katie? Why can't you fall in love with someone I don't see everyday?"

"Is it Bitters?" James asks, still being ignored. I glance at Carlos, desperate for help. He shrugs.

"Who do you think I'm in love with?" I ask, still confused.

"YOU KNOW WHO I'M TALKING ABOUT!"

-_should've gone to see Grandma Knight_-

"Katie," Kendall begins. "Why'd you have to fall in love with…with _James_?"

The whole world freezes, my heart stops, and Carlos drops the bowl of popcorn.

The look on James' face is confused at first, then his eyes widen, and he turns to look at me.

"Ka-"

I fly out of the room, run into my mother's bedroom, and slam the door. I slide down the back of it and hug my knees, beginning to cry. I knock my head against the door.

A storm of male voices is on the other side, and I pick out one from the din.

"Katie!" it says, and there is one fist banging on the door. "Katie! Get away guys! Katie!"

I'm still crying, looking at my mother's scarlet bedspread and wondering how this happened. I never act like this, never tell the guys anything really private. What did I just do?

"Katie!" I think it's James.

_Damn you, Patrick Swayze_, I think randomly.

"Katie!"

"Give her some space!" I hear Carlos say.

"You knew about this, didn't you?" a muffled Kendall says. He doesn't sound angry anymore, just appalled.

"I've known a long time," Carlos says quietly.

"Katie!"

The door bangs against my head, and I stand up. I throw myself onto Mom's bed with an insane headache forming.

The door flies open, and they all storm in. I can't see them, but I can hear them.

"Everyone but James-GET OUT!" Carlos roars.

I just lie there and hear the door shut quietly.

I'm not supposed to cry like this; it's not who I am. I am the sarcastic younger sister. I am the tough girl who schemes and plots, who is made of stone.

Well, stone turned to putty when I felt James sit on the bed.

"Katie," he says softly, and puts a hand on my shoulder. I flinch from his touch.

I hear Kendall talking loudly in the living room.

"Katie."

A dog barks somewhere outside of the Palm Woods.

"Katie-"

"What?" I ask tearfully, and hate how it sounds. So childish.

He puts a hand on my shoulder again, and pulls me up. I turn away from him, but he just moves to the other side of the bed.

"Katie," he says, his handsome face set aglow by the moonlight streaming in the window. It makes him look younger, somehow; softens the lines of his cheekbones, and makes his eyes look brighter. "I don't really know what to say."

"Because there isn't anything to say," I tell him softly. "So kindly get out."

"But we need to talk about this," he persists. I shake my head sadly.

"_There's nothing to talk about_!" I shout, my voice shrill and choked. "You think I don't see those girls you talk to? See the way you look at them? How _they_ look at _you_?"

He seems to be too shocked for words.

"They look at you, and in their heads they're thinking how good you'd be in bed. They don't want you for you, they don't want the James who is innocent. They don't want the James that is kind-hearted, who used to sing me to sleep with Kendall. They don't want the real James. They want the handsome James with muscles and a six-pack. They want arm-candy and a good time."

I pause, then continue quietly, "But I on the other hand…I _like_ the innocent James. I like the kind, sweet, considerate James. I like the James who sings little girls to sleep at night.

"But I know that's not the kind of girl you want. Certainly not me, with my un-voluptuous body and my sarcasm. Certainly not me, my plain brown hair, my collagen-free lips. Certainly not me, your best friend's sister."

I get off of the bed, and go to the door. I settle my hand on the knob and turn to him again.

"I'm sorry for making things weird," I whisper.

"Hey," he says, and stands up. "About…about that thing you said…are you really in love with me?" He shifts uncomfortably. Normally if a girl says she loves him, he's the cockiest guy in Hollywood. But not now. The whole situation is just so awkward and strange, and I feel like crawling under a rock.

I stay silent, and that is enough of an answer.

I open the door and see Kendall, Logan, and Carlos right there, ears tilted towards me. They fall when the door is gone, shocked by its opening. I just shove past them, and run to my room.

**Reviews?**


	3. The Morning After

**Kind of short, and I know it's kind of weird to imagine Katie swooning. But for goodness sake she's a pre-teen in the show!**

**I like this story because it's awkward. And there's nothing better than awkwardness.**

"Good morning, sunshine," I hear as I wake up the next morning. The sun streams through my window and hits my eyes. I groan.

Carlos is standing above me in an apron, and I giggle.

"What's so funny?" he asks, and places his hands comically at his hips. We are acting normal, and I inwardly rejoice at this. Of course, he already knew about my secret, but still.

I think maybe it was a dream, one of those cliché things that usually happens only on TV.

"Did anything…weird happen last night?" I ask, and Carlos looks at me funny.

"Nah, we just sat around watchin' movies," he says, and I sigh in relief.

He starts to the door, swinging his hips a little as he goes. I laugh again, and he just ignores me. He leaves, and I get up to get dressed. I look through my closet for five minutes, trying to find something decent to wear. I may have that air of self-confidence, but on the inside I'm a regular girl, too.

Suddenly, the door opens. "Oh, and I almost forgot. You confessed your love for James." He leaves again, and I gawk after him.

After staring in shock for a few minutes, I pull on a pair of jean shorts and a brown camisole.

_How did I let this happen?_ I think to myself as I leave my room. I walk slowly, and sit down at the table by Logan, the only one there. He gives me strange looks as I pour myself cereal and spread cream cheese on a bagel. I glare back at him.

Kendall's door opens, and out he comes in his robe. His eyes are still halfway closed, and he sits down at the table silently. I hear him mumble something about passing the cereal, and I hand it to him.

He just kind of looks at my hand for a moment, then his eyes trail up my arm, finally settling on my face.

His eyes grow wider, fully opening for the first time.

He shakes his head, looking at the cereal in my hand stupidly. I am getting fed up with this weirdness. I slam the box on the table by his bowl.

Kendall looks up again after a few minutes. His eyes get wide, then he begins shaking his head and puts his face in his hands.

I look behind myself to see what he is looking at.

He is standing there, in nothing but drawstring sweatpants, and I realize again how good-looking James Diamond is. His well-sculpted torso and six-pack are outstanding. His happy trail is clearly visible above the bleak gray of his bottoms, and the wide V of his hips is perfect.

I don't even care that I'm practically swooning.

His hair is tousled from a long sleep. He yawns, ruffling his hair and walking to the table. He pulls out the chair next to Kendall, and his eyes flutter sleepily.

"Where's Carlos?" Logan asks, and no one answers. James grabs the cereal and begins pouring it. And pouring it. And pouring it.

"James!" Kendall exclaims when his face falls into his overflowing bowl of Cheerios. Lucky for him, he hasn't poured the milk yet.

"Sorry," James mumbles. "Just had a rough-" He looks up suddenly, as if in realization. His eyes are wide and he stares at me for a moment. He looks back down at himself, then back to me.

There is a screech as his chair flies back. He runs to his room and shuts the door.

Those of us left at the table look between each other, and I put my head on the table.

"Ugh." Logan rubs my back in an effort to comfort me. The gesture is sweet, but just doesn't help.

Suddenly James' door opens and he comes out…in a parka. Oh, you have got to be kidding me.

"Dude," Kendall begins, turning his eyebrows down in confusion. "First of all: why do you have a parka in L.A.? Second: It's seventy five degrees in here."

James sits down, the material on the jacket squeaking.

He flashes a quick smile around the table, shocking me. "Just thought it would make everyone more comfortable," he states, digging into his cereal.

"And by everyone, you mean…?" Logan begins, but I stomp his foot. "Ay!" he squeals.

James holds out a hand. "Will you pass the milk, Katie?" he asks, acting like his normal self.

"Get it yourself," I say, an attempt at teasing.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes-"

"Just pass the damn milk, Katie!" Kendall exclaims sourly. He has never been much of a morning person.

I pass it quietly, and share a look with James. I giggle at Kendall's attitude, and James makes a dinosaur face and pretends to bite his head off. I giggle more, and James starts making whispered, "Rawr!" sounds. The fact that Kendall is completely unaware of this makes it all the funnier.

I am glad that James is acting normal, but when my giggling subsides we just kind of sit there.

Logan looks at us, and in an attempt at breaking the tension, says a sentence that just makes it worse.

"So, James, did you ever call Jennifer back about that date?"

**If this is kind of strange-ish, I apologize :)**


	4. Lounging By the Pool With Jo

**Thanks for all the loverly reviews. I realize this is a bit short, but I already have a lot written, and I'm trying to be suspenseful-ish.**

**Sorry for the crazy info at the top; i've had a wonderful day.**

The only reason that Blonde-Jennifer even wants to date James is just because of BTR's huge success. It's absurd that he would even consider it, because there are much nicer girls at the Palm Woods.

I tell this to Jo as we lounge by the pool that afternoon. She is listening intently, sipping her iced tea every now and then. Her eyebrows are furrowed in concentration.

That's the good thing about Jo: like Carlos, she always listens. I suppose she is my only other best friend.

And even though she's my brother's girlfriend, she keeps all of my secrets and doesn't laugh. She remembers what it was like to be sixteen. That was the year she and Kendall began dating.

Yeah, they are still together. Sure, they've broken it off a handful of times, but they are meant for each other.

Interrupting my thoughts, she says, "Well, you know how guys are…they don't care about personality most of the time."

"Except my brother," I grumble. "Why can't James be like him? Because if you were a bitch Kendall would've dumped you like that."

"Language!" she teases, then turns serious. "But, Katie…it's gotta be weird for him. You're his best friend's sister. It was weird for me when I first found out you liked him. Just give him time."

"Plus, the added fact that it would be kind of pedophilic," I sigh.

Jo waves a dismissive hand. "You're sixteen. He's nineteen. That isn't that big of a gap, Katie."

I nod. "Fine, then. But…what do I _do_?"

"Well," she begins, scrunching up her features in what Kendall calls her, 'cute little bunny face'. "Maybe you should just try to act normal."

"That's going to be difficult," I point out. I groan. "When did I become like this? I'm not supposed to care that much about a guy, or what I look like. I'm not that girl!"

Jo chuckles. "Sweetie, you're a sixteen year old girl. You're gonna like guys…a lot. It's the way we're programmed." She takes a drink of her tea.

"Fine. But while we're on the subject of relationships…have you and Kendall talked about marriage?"

She sprays her tea over a girl tanning in front of us.

"Just kidding, Jo," I laugh. "But you guys have been dating a long time. You'll get married anyway. But a serious question…how far have you gone with my brother?"

This time, the spray reaches two rows down.

"Just kidding!" I exclaim, and burst out laughing. "You should've seen your face!"

Her expression is incredulous, her face red. She looks thoughtful for a moment, and then smiles.

"Well, since this'll probably make you happy, your brother and I have not had sex..._yet_."

"_Ewwww_!" I cringe. "I...gross, why'd you tell me that? And what's with the 'yet'? Never mind, I don't want to know." I shake my head, trying to rid it of disgusting images.

"Ha-ha," she says. "That's what you get for asking me embarrassing questions."

I put my hand over my heart. "I swear to never ask you that again."

"So back to James," she says, changing the subject. She looks around me to the pool entrance, and points. "He's right there."

**Ooooh, what's gonna happen? Haha, I already know!**


	5. The Hollywood Whore and A Catfight

**I love my Gerard Way reference in this. That man is sexy. If you don't know who he is, he's the lead singer of My Chemical Romance.**

**Enough rambling.**

**Get ready-get set-go!**

James is there all right…one arm around Jennifer. They glide by, and act like there are a million paparazzi there to capture this faux-tender moment.

Jo nudges me, but I can't stop looking. They continue to the other side of the pool, taking seats by Guitar Dude. I just stare.

"Katie," Jo says, putting a gentle hand on my arm. "Come on. Let's go inside."

I stare.

"Katie," she says quietly.

Still staring. My eyes feel prickly.

"Come on, let's go watch a movie or something."

One hot tear rolls down my cheek, along my neck, and drops to the music magazine in my hands. It's a shame that I got Gerard Way's face all soggy.

Jo grabs my arm, pulling me off of the chair, and suddenly something in my mind snaps.

"JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, JAMES DIAMOND?" I shout across the pool area. Everyone's heads whip around at the sound of the yelling, but I don't care.

I walk as fast as I can without running. I hear the slap of Jo's flipflops behind me. Guitar Dude begins playing mood music.

I march up to him and Jennifer. He looks shocked, and she is angry.

"Did you hear me? Who do you think you are?" I exclaim, my pitch rising. He is taken aback.

"I-I-I-" he stutters. Jennifer swipes her hand.

"You need to just shoo, sweetie," she says coolly.

I open my eyes wide. "Oh. Oh, my gosh. You picked _this_? _THIS_?"

"Excuse me?" Jennifer says in disbelief.

I ignore her. "Really, James? There are so much prettier, nicer girls here. Why'd you have to pick _her_, huh? And right after what happened yesterday? You don't have a frigging ounce of compassion left in you, do you?"

"SHUT UP!" he exclaims harshly, surprising me. I step back as he stands up.

I hear Jo behind me, "Hey now-"

"Just shut up, Katie! Why can't you just leave me alone? Your little 'crush' is driving me insane! You're there all the time. Hey, news flash, I'm never going to love _you_! We are never going to be together! So just shut up and leave me alone, damn it! Go make a shrine of me, or whatever it is _little girls_ do."

I just stand there in shock. What has caused this sudden hate for me? Sure, I insulted his…slut, but honestly.

He has just humiliated me in front of fifty people, and I think I'm going to vomit now.

"James!" Jo exclaims. "Are you out of your _mind_?"

"No, she is, Jo! You should've seen her crying over me last night, like a baby-"

He is cut off when I haul back and slap him as hard as I

can. The sound echoes, and there is a bright red handprint

visible on his face.

"How dare you!" I holler. "How the hell dare you make fun of me? I have feelings, too, you know. And I don't need some Hollywood-glamorized-over-the-top pretty boy to walk all over them."

His face is still full of malevolence. How had it gone from giggly breakfast to war-zone pool time?

"So you know what, screw you, James," I say, and turn to storm away. Jo comes to my side, and affection for her swells in my chest. She'll always back me up.

I hear a snicker behind me.

"Did you see how big her thighs looked in that bikini? Honestly, how some people have the nerve to go out in public," Jennifer scoffs.

My vision turns a cloudy red color, and I turn an about-face.

It is just a blur when I punch her in the face; but it is enough for her nose to crack, for my hand to start hurting immediately.

"The nerve some people have to get a nose job," I mock. I turn back to Jo, after noticing that James doesn't look as angry anymore. In fact, looks a bit remorseful.

"It's on, baby-bitch," I hear, and suddenly I am tackled from behind. My head hits the cement and I see stars. But this Hollywood Whore has nothing on me.

I flip us over to where I am on top, and then punch her face again. I stand up.

"If you wanna pick this up later, I advise some judo lessons first," I spit at her. I turn for the final time, and set off towards the apartment.

**I swear the next one will be longer.**


	6. Viral Video

**Not as long as I promised, but whatever. I have more to upload later but it takes a long time to get it off of my craptop from 1985.**

Jo, Carlos, and I are holed up in my room. We've been here since the 'incident', exactly twelve hours later. We talk and watch movies, and just stew.

Oddly enough, Kendall and Logan don't know about the fight yet. In fact, Jo went out for damage control and the only people who seem to know it are the ones who were there. I am thankful for this, but know that it will be getting out in due time.

I can hardly believe that he hasn't said anything yet, to Kendall or Logan. I haven't seen them since breakfast yesterday. And yes, it was yesterday, because it is now two in the morning.

My brother and Logan have been trying to find out what's going on all night. Carlos even ordered a pizza so we wouldn't have to eat with them and be harassed.

But I've decided to face the music, as long as James isn't around.

We all three quietly leave my room, and I am relieved to see only Kendall and Logan sitting at the computer, laughing at funny videos. They turn around when my foot squeaks against the kitchen linoleum.

"So, finally gonna tell us what's wrong?" Logan asks. I shake my head.

Kendall grins. "Aw, come on!"

"Dude, look at this video!" I hear Logan say. I'm glad they aren't that curious about my problems.

"Oh, catfight! Might be sexy!" I hear the sound of the mouse clicking, and the video begins playing.

There is no sound, and I look over at them, wondering. I can't see the video, but it's been about a minute and forty seconds.

"The sound's off, genius!" I exclaim, and laugh. Jo, Carlos, and I walk over to the computer with them.

"-_did you see how big her thighs looked in that bikini? Honestly, how some people have the nerve to go out in public_." I hear from the speakers and freeze.

"No!" I shout, but it is too late.

"Katie!" Kendall exclaims in shock as he sees the two figures on the screen fight. "Damn, you're a scrapper!" He seems happy about this, at least.

"Turn it off!"

"No... man, Mom's gonna be pissed when she sees this," Kendall says when the video ends. "Why'd you go all Buffy on her anyways?"

"No reason-"

He gives me a look. "There has to be a reason."

"Oooh!" Logan says. "Maybe if we rewind the video!" Kendall does so, and I groan.

"-_just shut up, Katie! Why can't you just leave me alone? Your little 'crush' is driving me insane! You're there all the time. Hey, news flash, I'm never going to love _you_! We are never going to be together! So just shut up and leave me alone, damn it! Go make a shrine of me, or whatever it is _little girls_ do_." Kendall looks up at me, shocked. The video continues.

"-_James! Are you out of your mind_?"

"-_no, she is, Jo! You should've seen her crying over me last night, like a baby_!"

The meaty thwap as my hand connects with his cheek. Me screaming at him. These are the sounds that flow from the speakers.

I bend over and unplug the computer, shame and embarrassment setting my cheeks aflame.

There is silence.

Then Kendall says, "Katie…I'm so sorry."

"It isn't your fault, Kendall." I sigh. "I think I hate him now."

There is the sound of a door opening.

Who should be standing there but James Diamond.

**Suspense!**

**Sorry about the title change, but I really like the song "The Only Exception", and I think it fit better :)**


	7. Decisions

**This will be kind of short. So will the next; I'm trying to build up excitement.**

Kendall jumps up and stands in front of me protectively. I am shocked at this; usually he is on James' side, in any fight.

"What the hell were you thinking, man?" Kendall asks. "You break my baby sister's heart in front of a crowd of people?"

"Kendall-" James begins, stepping into the room. Kendall holds up a hand, palm turned to James.

"Save it," he says. "I can't believe you. Even if you don't love her like she wants, you still don't have to embarrass her in front of fifty people!" Kendall is angry, very angry. He has always been protective of me- but he's never had to protect me from one of his best friends.

James shuffles his feet. "I'm sorry." His voice is so miserably repentant that I want to forgive him. But I can't do that, not after I saw the look on his face when he told me I was a little girl and that he'd never love me.

"Sorry, huh?" Jo asks suddenly. I forgot she is even here. She is as angry as Kendall, maybe more so.

"Yeah!" he says, actually raising his eyes from the floor. "I'm sorry!"

My voice barely rises above a whisper. "Sorry isn't enough."

Everyone looks at me.

"I'm sorry," he pleads for the third time. I just look away, and his voice rises. "What do you guys expect me to do? What _can_ I do? I'm not gonna grab her up in my arms and suddenly love her!"

My face flushes and I look at the floor.

He walks closer to me. "Is that what you expected? Huh?"

"You bastard," Jo says. "Don't even begin-"

"Begin to what?" he exclaims. "I-I-I-I don't even know what to _do_!" He pauses, pulling at his hair. "Suddenly my best friend's little sister says she loves me, and I have absolutely no idea what I'm supposed to do!"

My head is so confused right now I can't even remember to breathe. What is happening? Why is this happening?

I walk toward him, and put my hands on my hips. "Let's just pretend it never happened."

"I don't think I can do that."

"You're ridiculous!" I explode at this. "I'm still the same person, James! I still scheme and plot from time to time. I still loathe pink. Just because I love you doesn't mean that I'm suddenly a different girl!" I turn away from him, and hold back tears. They aren't tears of sadness, but of outrageous frustration.

"But you are different, Katie," he says quietly. "You aren't twelve anymore." He smiles a bit. "And now it just seems more real."

"Well, then how about we pretend it's not?" I ask. "Pretend it never happened."

"I just-"

"If you say 'I don't know' again, James, I swear I will slap you…again."

He bites his lip. "Fine."

"Good," I say. "Now that that's settled…Jo, Carlos, come on guys. I'm tired. As you know, I got in a catfight with Hollywood's biggest whore today, and that strains your joints quite a bit. Let us lay ourselves down to sleep." And with that, I skip merrily to my room, leaving the rest of them out there wondering what just happened.

**Once again, I know it's short. But the next one is better :)**


	8. That's What I Get For Bringing Them Food

**Ready. Set. GO DRAMA!**

It's now two days past the Jennifer Incident. James, though we had a truce, has still been incredibly moody.

It could be because of the tension that still lies between himself and my brother. It could by because Logan won't stop talking, trying to fill up the awkward silences. It could be because every time I come to breakfast, Carlos says something about 'how pretty she looks today', raising his eyebrows at James.

I am sitting down at the table, sipping a Coke and eating a sandwich. The guys asked me yesterday to bring them lunch, so after I'm done I'll be off to the studio.

I finish my sandwich off in one big bite, and dust crumbs off of my hands and lap. I swig out of my Coke and set it down, grabbing my purse. I stop at the fridge and pull out the sandwiches I made them earlier, and set off.

My phone buzzes as I walk out of the Palm Woods, stepping into a cab. The name that pops up tells me that I have a text from Jo and I open it.

_Everyone's talking._

I groan, knowing immediately what she is talking about. The cab driver gives me a strange look, but I ignore him.

….

When the driver pulls up to Roque Records five minutes later, I hand him a bill and thank him, heading in to the studio.

The receptionist says, "Hi," when I walk by, but I only return it with a nod. A thousand things are buzzing around my brain.

Is it really so bad that everyone's talking? Yes. Isn't there anything I can do? No.

Suddenly I bump into something, and realize that it's Gustavo. His large frame blocks my entrance to the studio, and I begin to go around him.

"Hey," he stops me. I can't see his eyes through the sunglasses but he seems amused.

"Yes?" I ask. He raises one eyebrow at my tone.

"I saw your catfight the other day," he says, approving. "You're a scrapper." I roll my eyes at his choice of words. Kendall would approve.

"Where did you see it?" I sigh.

He shrugs. "YouTube." He moves out of my way finally. I walk into the studio thinking, It's official. I've been YouTubed.

"Thanks, Katie!" Kendall exclaims, and I have a sense of déjà vu at his words. I hand him the bag of sandwiches.

Logan frowns. "No chips?" he asks. I narrow my eyes.

"You didn't ask for chips," I state simply, and sit down on my favorite hangy egg-chair. I pull out my phone and reply to Jo's text.

_I guessed as much. I've been YouTubed._

When I'm done punching the letters on my phone, I snap it shut to see Kendall already done vacuuming his sandwich.

"Holy crap, Kendall!" I exclaim. "That deserves a world record. He grins, picking ham out of his teeth.

"Yeah, I know," he says proudly, and high-fives Logan. I roll my eyes and look around for Carlos.

He is sitting on the other side of the room, in what looks like deep conversation with James. Their heads are bent towards each other, and Carlos' brow is furrowed in concentration.

"Carlos!" I call. He doesn't look up, and I heave a frustrated sigh. "Car-los!" His head snaps up this time. He gives me a questioning look, and I make a motion to come over to me.

He begins walking to me, his expression like that of a person delivering bad news. I feel my heart quicken.

He sits down on the floor next to me, and asks, "What?"

I hold up Jo's text in front of his face. "I've been YouTubed," I say, and his eyes widen as he reads the words.

He tries to appear calmer. "Maybe not everyone's talking, per se. Maybe only a select group of individuals are discussing your triumphant victory."

"A: I don't think Jo would lie about that kind of thing. And B: When did you start sounding so smart when you speak?" He shrugs at the last question, saying something about his Word-Of-the-Day calendar.

He looks at his hands, idly twiddling his thumbs. He runs a hand through his hair and sniffs loudly.

"What were you talking to James about?" I ask. He looks like a deer in headlights at my question.

"I-I-I don't know what you're talking about," he says. I grab him up by his shirt, and look around myself to see if anyone's watching.

"Let's not forget that I broke a Jennifer's nose two days ago," I say in a low voice. He winces, before caving.

"I was talking to him about…you." My heart leaps, and starts pounding irregularly.

"And?" I ask.

_Is this about to happen? _

_One of those corny, cliché moments when the guy of my dreams realizes he's crazy about me? _

_Am I going to find out that James is in love with me, too? _

"He's wondering how you'll react to the news that he decided to give Jennifer another chance."

**Thanks lovelies, for all of your fabulous reviews.**


	9. Frames Are Broken, Hearts Will Mend

**James, why can't you stop disappointing Katie? And for Keytapper, a little scene for you.**

**(Keytapper jumps up when Carlos says this. She marches up to James and slaps him forcefully, leaving a satisfyingly bright red welt.)**

I leave.

There is no sound as I storm out of the studio. James, Kendall, and Logan all give me strange looks, wondering what is going on.

I don't even think as I walk to the elevator, and press the button labeled 'Lobby'. The whole way down I stay silent.

Once it stops, I hurry out of the elevator to let a harried-looking man in a suit through. I walk quickly outside, where I hail a cab to take me back to the Palm Woods.

Several minutes later I am jogging through the Palm Woods reception area to the elevator. I step on and wait out the ride, saying nothing to the red-headed boy next to me, who I recognize as Tyler's little brother. He is playing a GameBoy, sticking out his tongue in concentration. I would laugh if I weren't so angry.

There is a ding as we stop at the fourth floor, and I step out. I barely manage a wave before I sprint down the hall to our apartment.

I fumble with the key for a few seconds before finally hearing the click of the lock. Stepping into the room, I drop my purse and keys, slamming the door behind me.

I run to my room, already deciding what I'm going to do.

Looking around, I decide on the shelf above my bed. I take a picture off of it- a picture of James and I at the guys' graduation.

I hurl it at the wall, but the glass doesn't burst dramatically into a million pieces; it merely cracks down the middle, the left side slipping out of the frame and breaking on the floor. It lies on the picture side when the frame hits the floor.

I grab the mix CD he made me for my birthday last year. Snapping it will not suffice, so I run my long nails over it, bearing down hard. There is a satisfying, high-pitched sound, and I snap it in half.

No longer even caring, I sweep another picture off of the wall where it has been hung. I tear around my room, looking for things that remind me of him. When I don't think I can find anything else, I kick the wall, hard enough to knock over things that I don't want to break. I stop, and turn to the row of books that have just fallen off of a shelf.

I begin picking them up, when one slides out of the pile.

It's a thick, five-subject notebook with a red cover. Scrawled across the front in my eleven-year-old handwriting is _Katie's Journal_. I have written in this huge book since I was a pre-teen, up until last week, when the pages ran out.

I think of when the entries about James begin, towards the middle. I remember when I wrote the first one, hunched over it, spilling my secrets like only a fourteen-year-old would. How I wrote of this fantastic boy, three years my senior, whom I was beginning to think of in more than a sisterly way.

I smile a little to myself. But there is no humor, no nostalgic glee in the smile; it's a smile full of venomous satisfaction.

I turn to the page where the James-Chronicles begin, and pull lightly at them, about to rip them in half.

A loose piece falls out of the forgotten half, the pre-crush half. I lean down to pick it up, my face twisting into a curious expression as I read about my twelve year old self.

_January 18, 2010_

_11:50 P.M. _

_We're officially moved in to the Palm Woods. I can't help but miss my fri- well, you and I both know it would be a lie if I said 'friends'. But I miss Hamlet- the Palm Woods doesn't allow dogs over a certain weight._

_Earlier, I was crying in here, in my new room. Don't get me wrong, I WANTED to move here . . . but I didn't think that I would be this homesick. I suppose it'll go away with time._

_But anyways, when I was crying, James came in to ask me for some hairspray-don't ask, I don't know. But he asked me what was wrong. I kind of half-sobbed something about home, and he came over to give me a hug. He's so nice to me. He's like another brother. So are the other guys, but sometimes I wish James were my real brother instead of Kendall. Even though I know he probably wouldn't be as nice if he _were_ my sibling._

_He told me it would be alright, that the Palm Woods wouldn't be so bad. He said it would be a fun place to hang out, and make some friends. I know he's right. _

_You know, one of the biggest things the guys freaked out about was all the hot girls they'd see here. But I have yet to see any cute boys my age. I know I'm only twelve, but I'm gonna be a teenager soon._

_But I guess I'm okay without any boys. As long as I have my brothers._

As I read this, a tear wells in my eyes, and a small, genuine smile spreads over my lips. I remember now what it was like to love James as only a brother. It was a good feeling, a simple one that I didn't have to ponder for hours at night.

I realize suddenly that this newfound love doesn't have to be so complicated.

"I love James Diamond, simple as that," I say aloud to no one. I laugh at nothing in particular, feeling more free than I have in months. I just hope that this doesn't ruin things between us.

I suddenly hear a door opening, and then talking. I can only make out a few sentences.

"-why did you have to tell her?"

"-sorry, James, you know how manipulative she can be!"

"-well, good job, now she'll hate me!"

He sounds distressed.

I walk to my door and open it, sling-shotting myself out of it and into James.

I wrap my arms tightly around him, and he tenses. I don't realize it, but I am crying.

"I'm so sorry!" I exclaim. "For making things weird, for slapping you…for everything!"

"Are you alright?" he asks, shocked. I nod against him, then pull away.

"The only thing I'm not sorry about," I begin, "is storming out of the studio today." I give him a cold look. "Jennifer's a slut. Plain and simple as that."

Kendall grins. "Someone finally has the balls to say it!" When I give him a look, he quickly backtracks, "I mean, the ovaries to- the boobs to- ugh!" He closes his eyes. "That's twice in one week!" he says, referring to talk of my development.

I laugh at him, and the rest of the guys join in.

"I know she is," James says, still giggling a little, a smile plastered to his handsome face. "But…I've just wanted a girlfriend for so long."

I wave a dismissive hand. "Please, you could have any girl you want." I realize how awkward that just sounded.

"Like who…you?" he laughs, and I step back. His eyes widen. "Katie…I didn't mean…"

"It's fine," I sigh. Kendall has stiffened, ready to yell again, but I put a hand on his chest. "S'okay, Kendall."

"You know, James," he says, his voice full of steel. "I'm beginning to like you less and less."

**Kind of lame ending, I know, guys. Except I think the tension between James and Kendall is fun to write :)**

**Anyways, there might be some physical contact in the next...that isn't painful. ;)**

**No sex, though! None! Gosh, get your minds out of the gutter!**


	10. Contact

**You have asked for more, so I decided against my better judgement to give you alot :) Sorry bout the wait, but would you rather have quality or quantity?**

Carlos and I are sitting on my bed that night, discussing the past week's events.

I called Jo earlier to give her an update in my drama. She's happy that James and I have decided to be normal, even though my heart still aches dully when I think of him. Of his handsome face. Of his nice physique…

Carlos slapped me when I started rambling over the phone.

Right now he's telling me about a bet between Logan and Kendall. Apparently they have decided to bet on when I cave and kiss James. I narrow my eyes when Carlos mentions the amount of money involved; ever since the guys got famous, they use their earnings very gratuitously.

He's just walking around my room, talking about the odds of it happening in the next week, when he stops and yelps.

"_Damn it_!" he exclaims, jumping up. I hop off of the bed, alarmed.

He sucks in his breath through his teeth. "Why is there glass in your floor, Katie?" he asks.

I've almost forgotten about my little tantrum this afternoon.

The broken glass is still there, though how Carlos didn't notice it before is beyond me. The picture is lying by itself, having slipped completely out of the frame.

The sight of this makes me feel sad, for some odd reason. I pick up the photo and cradle it in my hands. I place it on the shelf above my bed and turn around to help Carlos, who is suddenly not there anymore.

I grumble to myself as I leave my bedroom. Carlos can never sit still, even when he's injured.

The only things I can make out are the silhouettes of the couch and coffee table. I take a few steps into the room, trying to be quiet; I'm still in disbelief that the guys are in bed.

"Carlos?" I call into the dark living room. It's ten o'clock, but the guys should still be awake. "Carlos?"

A hand touches my shoulder, leaving goosebumps.

I grab it and heave whatever it is over my shoulder.

"_Ow, Katie_!" I hear through the darkness, and recognize the voice as James.

I lean down. "I'm sorry!" I say as I try to help him up. I only succeed in pulling his hair, though, and he yelps.

"Sorry, again," I say apologetically. I can see his silhouette as he pulls himself from the floor.

"It's okay," he says, shrugging. "I would be freaked out, too." He pats my shoulder awkwardly, and I realize that he is shirtless.

"Yeah," I say. I look into his eyes, the only part of him that I can clearly make out. They are boring into mine, chocolate on chocolate. I feel dizzy, and don't even think about what I do next.

Caught up in the moment, our eyes locked, I throw my arms around his neck. He begins to speak when I crush my lips against his. I run my fingers through his hair- something I've always wanted to do.

He is tense at first, and then, to my shock, he puts his hands on my lower back.

The last time I kissed a boy was in the eighth grade, at the debut concert for Big Time Rush's second album. I didn't know him, and felt like a slut afterwards. But he was cute, and I was high on life.

But this, I think it actually means something. I have my eyes closed, and somehow I know his are, too. I wonder if he is enjoying this, if this is going to-

The light flicks on.

**Holy crap, wotta cliff-hanger.**


	11. Truce

**What next, ooh? The light flicked on...? and...?**

Kendall and Logan are standing there silently, shock evident on their faces. Logan suddenly turns to Kendall, his expression smug as he holds his hand out, palm towards the sky.

Kendall keeps his wide eyes on us as he slips a hundred dollar bill into Logan's awaiting hand.

James removes his hands from my back and steps away. I look at his face as he touches his lips lightly, eyes round and surprised. I blush ferociously- what just happened?

I step forward and begin cautiously, "I can explain-"

"_HOLY CRAP_!"

I spin on my heels at this, and see Carlos standing in the kitchen, first-aid kit in his hands and band-aids all over his face. I sigh as I remember that I'm not supposed to leave him alone with sticky things.

"Atta girl, Katie!" he exclaims and walks over to me. He holds up a hand for a high-five and I look at him like he's stupid.

"What?" he asks defensively.

James finally speaks, muttering, "You just kissed me."

"This is awkward," Logan says, looking at Kendall.

"You just kissed me," James mumbles again.

Kendall rolls his eyes. "Yes, James, we've already established this."

James looks straight at me for the first time. "Y-You just…kissed me." I step toward him, and he steps back.

"James," I say quietly. "I'm sorry. I just…"

I just what? Couldn't help grabbing him and kissing him? Running my hands through his silky hair?

I decide it's best not to answer, and let that hang in the air.

James stands there as the others file out of the room; soon enough it's just the two of us.

I haven't been alone with him for days. Not since the night when he found out that I'm in love with him.

We stand there awkwardly. Neither one of us speaks.

Until-

"Every time we finally make it right," he begins softly, "one of us makes it weird."

I chuckle deprecatingly. "By 'one of us', you mean me, right?"

"Pretty much," he says more loudly, nodding his head and shoving his hands in his pockets.

"I'm sorry," I say. "For kissing you, I mean."

"Don't worry about it," he says. "Let's just be normal."

"Deal." I hold out my hand, and we shake on it. He pulls me into a one-armed hug, squeezing my shoulders. Is this truce for real?

As I walk to my room after bidding him goodnight, I think, _I just kissed him_. I finally know what it's like to kiss James Diamond.

Oh, yes, I know what it's like.

And it was totally worth the awkwardness.

**Awh, I loved this, personally. A little lip to lip contact ;)**

**But NO sex, remember?**


	12. Haile

**So this will be a kind of long Author's Note; sorry.**

**My sister has asked me to put her in the story. And let me assure you that I would not do so if it weren't going to be a good element to the story. For one, things aren't as they seem with this girl from Tennessee. And let me also say that she won't be the model of television**'**s stereotypical view on people from the south. She won't always talk about her pig (cough, cough, Disney Channel!), plus she does not have one. And my sister is also a bit of a Southern Belle; very pretty, blonde, athletic. If I can I'll put a link on here to a picture, if you want to know :)**

The new girl is blonde and short, with blue-green eyes. Her hair is in a messy bun, and she has a huge pair of sunglasses on. She's blonde, but not bleached, like the Jennifer; it's more natural than not.

It doesn't matter what her hair color is.

I've still got my eye on her.

The cutesy southern girls are sometimes the ones you have to watch out for. Their little accents, (which, I have to admit, are not as annoying as TV makes them out to be), just draw guys in, and I know James will want to have his claws sunk into this one before the day's end.

I shouldn't feel so possessive, so protective; he doesn't like me like that, and he's made it clear. But I still don't want him to be with some uninteresting, repetitive Barbie that likes to talk about tanning and manicures all the time. Not every girl in Hollywood is like that, but I don't want to take any chances.

The one odd thing about her is that she's wearing a maroon button-down- in the middle of July. I can barely stand the sweltering heat in my shorts and tank-top.

Suddenly I hear someone say, "_Whoa_."

I turn around to see Carlos behind me, gaping at the new girl. Kendall is behind him, but he's wrapped up in Jo- literally.

I always make a big deal out of them making out, but in truth, I'm just happy for them. Kendall has stayed faithful to her all the time that they've dated, and I am proud of him. He's a good role model.

"Close your mouth, you're drawing flies," I say to Carlos, and he snaps his jaw shut.

"New girl!" someone exclaims, and I turn my head to see James and Logan. I roll my eyes as they hurry over to discuss it.

The whole time that they talk, the new girl doesn't turn around. She's talking on the phone to someone, and I decide to eavesdrop.

"…I miss you, too, Konnor! I can't wait till you come to visit!" she exclaims, a sad smile on her face. "Love you, too, hon! Bye!" She hangs up her phone and sighs. I silently rejoice; she's got a boyfriend!

I decide to turn and break the guys' hearts, but they look so happy that I can't bring myself to do it.

Carlos tugs my shirt. "Go ask her to hang out sometime," he whispers.

"Why? I'm not the one who wants to date her!" I exclaim, folding my arms.

"You never know," he says, and I scowl at him.

"I'm not a lesbian."

He sighs, hanging his head. "I _know_ that." He suddenly looks up and shoves me, resulting in me bumping into New Girl.

"Crap," she says when she drops her phone and purse.

"Sorry," I say sheepishly. "My brother's friends are crazy. They like to shove me around." She smiles sweetly.

"It's alright," she says, sticking out her hand, on which she is wearing a red ribbon and a bracelet reading 'Living Sacrifice'. I like this a lot; most girls in Hollywood don't even pretend to be Christians, much less wear their faith on their wrists. I'll have to ask her to chapel with us.

"I'm Katie," I say, taking her hand.

She nods as if filing it away. "I'm Haile," she tells me.

"So…" I begin. "Welcome to the Palm Woods! Where do you hail from?"

"Tennessee," she says, her accent even more prominent.

"Do you need some help with your stuff?" I ask, gesturing to her bags.

She waves a dismissive hand. "Don't worry about me. I'm fine, thank you."

"See you around, Haile," I say with a wave.

"You too, Katie."

I walk back to the guys, who are waiting expectantly. Well, except Kendall, who is still wrapped up in Jo.

"So what's she like?" Carlos asks. I roll my eyes.

"Her name's Haile," I say. "She's from Tennessee-" I stop

when I realize that this is all that I know.

"And?" Logan asks eagerly.

"Well, I think she has a boyfriend." I try to stay positive, but at my words Carlos falls to his knees and I think there are tears in Logan's eyes. The only one who doesn't really react is James, who is just staring into space.

"Why?" Carlos screams to the heavens. I turn to see if anyone's watching, but the lobby is deserted since Haile went upstairs. I wonder absently where her family is.

"Calm down," I say. Kendall appears behind me and puts a hand on my shoulder.

His expression is solemn. "Leave him be in his grief."

"_How am I supposed to calm down_?" Carlos exclaims. "The hottest girl in the Palm Woods has a…a…a…" his breathing hitches.

"Boyfriend!" we all chorus at him, causing him to weep into his hands.

**So Haile won't be in the next two chapters...but we'll see her soon enough.**


	13. Carlos Lends a Helping Hand

**:)**

I groan as I look in the mirror.

Tonight, Big Time Rush is going to some big Hollywood premiere…and I'm expected to tag along.

It's not that I _have_ to go. But Jo's going too, and what with Mom not coming back until tomorrow…

Well, I just want something to do.

I've only been down the red carpet a handful of times. I'm slightly famous for a stint on some kids' TV show, but thankfully photographers never put me in magazines.

The truth is that I hate wearing dresses. For one, I can't fight anyone because I'll end up flashing my goodies all over Hollywood. And second, I look like such a girly girl it makes me want to puke. The closest I like to go to girly girl is nice top with a skirt, thank you very much.

"Carlos!" I shout, and he comes running into the bathroom. He looks wildly around as if something is wrong and he's trying to see it.

"What?" he asks when he realizes that there is no trouble. "Wait, why aren't you ready?" All I have on is a pair of shorts and tank top-hardly red carpet attire.

I look at the dress hanging on the door handle. "Because that…_thing_ is way too slutty."

He eyes it and puts his chin in his hand, as if contemplating. "No, it's not." I roll my eyes.

"And you don't have on any make-up, either," he tsks. "Time for a makeover."

"What?" I ask in disbelief. "No, can't I just-"

He holds up a hand. "Shut up, Katie. This is for the best." He pulls the dress off of the handle, and holds it out to me. "I'm gonna go get a soda. This dress better be on when I get back." And with that, he leaves.

I look at the dress uneasily, finally deciding to pull it over my head. Once I'm done with that, Carlos knocks.

"Come on in," I say, and he opens the door. He smirks.

"I knew it'd look good." The dress is flowing silk, coming an inch below my knee. The neckline is in a pretty low V in the front, and my back is bare until the dress pools around my waist. There are no sleeves, just a piece of fabric settled on my neck that connects the two shoulders.

Carlos drags a stool from the living room and into the bathroom, where he makes me sit for the makeover. I'm not allowed to look at myself until he is done, so he turns me from the mirror. He goes to work like a pro, and I can't help but wonder how he knows this stuff.

When I ask him, he tells me like the answer is obvious.

"Please," he scoffs. "I've watched you do this stuff countless times."

After that, he works in silence. He lines my lower and top lids with eyeliner, adding a swipe of light brown shadow before applying mascara. I nearly giggle when he adds foundation to my face, and then as he tickles my cheeks with blush.

When he begins to go at my hair, I stop him.

"Whoa, there, cowboy," I say. "That's quite enough. I'll do my hair."

"Oh, come on, Katie!" he pleads. "I promise it will look good." He clasps his hands in front of his chest and widens his eyes.

I sigh. "Fine."

He immediately straightens it, not taking very long, (which I am very suspicious about, but decide to trust him). I feel him swirl it at the top of my head in a ponytail, then take down a bit of hair on the sides to curl. He curls the ponytail with the iron, and finishes off with a little hairspray. I'm a bit worried about the outcome.

He finally pulls out one last weapon.

It's not that the lipstick is an ugly color. It's just a rather… _dynamic_ red, and I beg him not to use it.

"Have I ever done something for you to lose trust in me?" he asks. A dozen memories fill my head, and I nod.

"Well, trust me. You'll look a lot older."

When he is done with that, he stands me up and spins me in a completely cliché gesture.

I gasp.

Carlos was right; the lipstick makes me look older, and to be honest, sexier. The curled ponytail doesn't look as if it's been done by a three year old. In fact, it looks elegant, as does the dress. My makeup is flawless. I still feel strange about everything- what will Kendall say?

I just now realize that Carlos is already ready, so I ask him if the other guys are prepared to leave.

"Yeah," he says. "Just wait a second!" He sprints from the bathroom, returning with a pair of black open-toed heels and a matching clutch.

I grab them. "Can we just leave?" I ask.

"Yeah," he says, dejected. He turns to leave, and I know what is bothering him.

I grab his arm. "Thanks, Carlos," I say. "I look pretty."

"Well, I would've said 'stunning'," he says, trying to toot his own horn, and I hit him.

"Jeez. You look great. Let's go."

We exit the bathroom, walking through the living room to the front hall. I can hear the guys in Kendall's room, playing video games.

"Come on, guys!" Carlos shouts through the door. "Time to go!" He bangs his fist on the wood.

"We're coming, we're coming," I hear Kendall say, and the door opens.

Kendall sees me first. His jaw drops.

Logan sees me second. He furrows his brow.

James sees me third. His eyes bulge out of his head.

**TA-DA! Katie looks beautiful! LOL cause i said so.**


	14. Premiere

**This is NOT filler, I promise. I'm trying to set it up for the next chapter.**

**And I've decided to tell you what I'm listening to right now: The Liz Lee talent show cover of Band of Horses' "The Funeral".**

"Katie," Kendall says. "You look…"

"Hot?" Carlos suggests, and Kendall smacks him over the head.

"Why would I say that? She's my sister, you idiot."

I smile at my brothers. "You guys are both idiots. Let's go." I look over at James, whose eyes are still wide.

Carlos, Kendall, and Logan file out the door, leaving James and I by ourselves. I walk into the hall to leave, and notice when he doesn't follow. I poke my head.

"Aren't you coming?" I ask, exasperated. He nods slowly, and follows me to the elevator, where the rest of the guys are waiting with Jo.

…..

As we make our way down the red carpet, I feel strange. Usually no one is taking pictures of me; but tonight everyone wants one, whether it be a professional photographer or random fan. I have absolutely no idea why, but I bask in the feeling of being the center of attention. I for once don't feel inept, or awkward, or gangly. I just feel beautiful, and graceful, and no one can take that from me.

The movie doesn't look that good, partly because it's a romantic comedy. It will be quite awkward to sit between Kendall and James during this movie; Carlos 'conveniently' has to sit on the end because he's 'terrified of fires'.

No one quite understands his reasoning, but Kendall shrugs it off. We sit back and the lights go low as the premiere of the movie begins.

When the opening credits start, I look around to see if anyone else is as bored as I am. I twiddle my thumbs and finally decide to plug in my earphones, immediately playing Fall Out Boy's "America's Suitehearts". It's kind of old, but it's my favorite song right now.

As I look around, tapping on my leg, I see Logan looking at the ceiling blankly. Kendall is tracing light patterns on the back of Jo's hand. She scoots closer to him and he wraps his arm around her, giving her an 'Eskimo kiss'. I look around to see if anyone's as disgusted as me.

It is James that I see sticking a finger down his throat and making retching noises. I giggle, and am nearly overcome with déjà vu. The last time this happened, he told me three hours later that he would never love me.

I vow not to giggle around him anymore. I sound like a little girl when I do, and that's the last thing I need.

**Loves me some "America's Suitehearts"**


	15. Our Business

**Guys, I want you to do something before reading this chapter:**

**1. In a new tab, go to youtube and type in "The Funeral", by Band of Horses.**

** to it as you're reading this chapter.**

**Thank you for your time and attention :)**

When the credits roll, I take out my earphones and put my iPod back in the clutch. Kendall's right eye is twitching, like he just suffered through something that he wishes he could un-see. I think that's probably the case.

The lights in the theater slowly turn up, until I can see everyone clearly. We shuffle out of the building in record time, but I groan when we reach the exit.

It is pouring rain, and not one of us has an umbrella. Since when does it rain like this in California?

We make our way down the walkway, trying to get through the throng to our limo. I get lost from the rest of the guys, and begin to panic. I don't really like crowds of people shoving against me.

I finally spot James, who is being nearly attacked by psychotic fangirls.

I wince when one pulls out some of his hair.

The girl holds it up in victory and awe, shouting, "I got it! I got James's hair!" The poor guy looks so in over his head that I decide to help him.

"James!" I call, and he looks over at me. His expression is hopeful.

"Help…me!" he exclaims. I make my way over to him, grabbing his arm and pulling him with me. I head towards what I think is the general direction of our limo, but it's dark and I can't see. Instead we end up in an alley. A dumpster sits to the side, and several discarded cartons loom in the semi-darkness.

The rain is pouring even more, and I wonder how this deluge could start so suddenly. I know my mascara is running, and probably my eyeliner. I wipe my eyes, but there is nothing on my fingers when I pull them back.

James is leaning against the wall of the alley, panting not from exhaustion, but from almost being killed by a crowd of hormonally charged teenage girls.

"Damn," I say when I look down at my dress. The silk is soaked through, and I'm not sure if that'll ruin it.

"What?" James asks. I shake my head.

"A thousand dollar dress and it gets ruined by the rain."

He nods his head with real sympathy. "I can see how that would upset you."

"Where're the guys, do you think?" I ask.

"I don't know. Probably getting attacked as we speak." He pauses. "Which, why did you save me? I could've taken them."

I laugh. "Did you _see_ that chunk of hair that chick had?"

He narrows his eyes. "What?"

"She took a piece of your hair."

He yelps, his hands going to his head and patting it gingerly.

"It's barely even noticeable," I say. We stand there in silence. I wonder when the crowd will disperse; I'm hungry and want to get out of this wet dress.

"So," James says. "How long do you think we'll be here?" I shrug, and hear my phone go off. My Chemical Romance's "I Don't Love You" spills into the alleyway, and I blush. I quickly snap the phone open.

We're in the limo. Where are you?

I sigh and reply to Kendall:

Crazy fan girl attack. Hiding in an alleyway. We'll be there in a few.

"Who was that?" James asks, still touching his hair softly.

"Kendall," I tell him. "He asked where we were. I told him we were hiding from fan girls."

He chuckles. "Well, you can't really blame them."

"Who, the guys for asking?"

"The fan girls." I snort.

"What?" James asks. "Oh, like you don't think I'm attractive. I believe you used the words, 'most handsome guy I know'," he teases.

I know he doesn't mean that in a harsh way, so I say, "Now you're just blowing things out of proportion."

"_Liar_!" he exclaims, pointing an accusing finger at me. "You said it!"

"Maybe I did," I say. "But I would never take your hair. It's too luscious," I joke.

He looks at me as if thinking. "Really?"

I'm shocked by his seriousness as the rain becomes even more of a downpour. "Well, yeah, I guess. It's kind of soft-"

I stop when I see the look on his face. His features are contemplating, intense, and I wonder what his deal is.

The deafening rain is now accompanied by thunder, and a flash of lightening illuminates his face as he leans in.

I am shocked when he presses his lips to mine, but wrap my arms around his neck. He picks me off of the ground and I am thinking, He kissed me, he kissed me this time! We are like that for an immeasurable amount of time, and I run my hands through his hair for the second time of my life. He picks me up farther off of the ground and I put my hands on either side of his face. I think that this euphoria will last forever.

Forever with James sounds perfect.

We stay like this, his lips against mine, and I am in heaven.

"WHO IS THIS?" I hear, and suddenly I am no longer in James's arms. I turn to be blinded by flashbulbs.

The people shouting are reporters and paparazzi. One blonde woman I recognize from a celebrity gossip show steps forward.

"You are Katie Knight, sister of Kendall Knight, correct?" I nod stupidly, and James steps protectively in front of me. "Are you two dating?"

"GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" James bellows. All of the flashes and shouts are making me dizzy.

"James Diamond!"

"This is Melinda Beckett, with Celeb News-"

"-just caught on the verge of intercourse-"

The buzz of voices is too much. Everyone is yelling our names.

James shouts again, "Get out of our damn business!"

'Our business'? I file that away for later contemplation.

One woman approaches me. "Is it true that you are the girl in the famous YouTube video fighting Jennifer Pratt?"

_Famous_?

The fan girls have discovered our whereabouts, and begin screaming wildly. I begin to cry. It's too much.

"Leave me alone!" I may sound like a little kid, but I just want to leave.

Finally I hear a familiar voice that sends relief flooding through me. Big brother's here to save the day.

"What's going-" Kendall stops as he emerges from the crowd, taking in the sight of James and I standing here. I notice for the first time a touch of my lipstick smeared on James's mouth.

"Kendall!" I exclaim in relief. "Please-" I expect him to defend me against the parade of photographers, reporters, and screaming girls. But he stands there, the expression on his face becoming disgusted. He is immobile, the only one in the throng not jumping around.

"Kendall!" I half-yell again. He begins looking at James

with the sickened face that makes my stomach churn uncomfortably. He steps forward.

James steps toward him. "Man-" Kendall flinches from him. I can't stand my brother looking at me like this. I stand there and cry.

"Just get away from me," Kendall hisses. He nods, directing his next question towards me. "So, have you guys been sneaking around my back? Huh, Katie? You're becoming a little slut." His voice is cold, disgusted.

I recoil as if slapped. "Kendall-" I choke.

He is swallowed by the crowd, and James grabs my arm. I am frozen by the look that I saw on Kendall's face. I half-register that Carlos and Logan are watching, also.

"I'm sorry," he says to me. His face is twisted as if about to cry, but who can tell in this downpour? "This was a mistake. I have to get you home."

He pulls me through the mass of people, but I can't see

because I'm crying too hard. We reach the limo and James opens the door.

But not before I see Kendall running down the sidewalk, his blonde hair soaked as he sprints away.

James ushers me into the limo, where I sit beside Logan, facing James and Carlos. I weep with my face in my hands as I remember the way my big brother looked at me.

**I almost cried writing this.**


	16. Everything's Falling Apart

**Short, I know. **

When we reach the Palm Woods, I get out of the limo before anyone. I run straight past the front desk, where Bitters begins one of his monologues about running in the lobby. I don't pay attention, and step into the elevator, wiping my face and pressing the '4'.

I sprint down the hall to our apartment. I fumble with my clutch until I pull out the small silver key attached to a keyring, which ironically has a picture of me and Kendall on the inside of the clear plastic. I throw open the door, and can't help but feel the similarities between now and when I found out James was giving Jennifer another chance. The air hockey table leg smacks against my shin with a loud banging noise, and I swear. I don't stop, though, and continue to my room.

Once in the room I throw off the stupid dress; if it weren't for it, James probably wouldn't have kissed me. I can barely believe that I'm wishing that James hadn't kissed me.

Everything's falling apart.

To think it all began with an irresistible bowl of popcorn and Carlos's big mouth.

I throw off all of my other wet clothes, and pull on my favorite pair of lounging pants and a t-shirt. I kick the wall, once again reminiscent of a few days ago.

I throw myself onto my bed face-first, and pull the blanket over me. I fall asleep crying, and probably dream with the tears still flowing steadily down my face.

I wake up to rain beating against my window, the room dark. I'm mildly shocked at this; since when does it rain this heavily in California…for two days?

It's still dark outside, and I look at my clock, which reads 3:30.

I try to make myself get up, because I won't be able to fall back to sleep. I find much more solace in my comforter than the cold floor. My stereo remote lies on the bedspread beside me, and I grab it. I turn the stereo on. "America's Suitehearts" begins spilling quietly out of the speakers, and I quickly pause

it. Since it's a mix CD, I figure there must be something depressing on the damned thing.

I turn it to the next, and am satisfied until I realize that the song is "Nine in the Afternoon", by Panic! At the Disco. I cross my fingers and hit the 'next' button for the last time. I lean over and turn on my bedside lamp, which casts a warm glow over the room.

I am happy with Band of Horses' "The Funeral", and lay back against my pillows, clearing my head of all thought and letting the music flow through me.

I stay like that for the longest time. I have always enjoyed lying in my room in the dark hour of the morning with my little lamp on, just thinking.

But I do not allow myself to think. I just lie there, misery washing over me.

I jump when I hear three raps at my door. There is silence, when a muffled voice says, "Katie."

I don't answer when I realize who it is. I don't want to talk to him.

I hear a loud sigh. "I can hear your depressing music."

I still do not answer. Band of Horses' lead singer whines, "I'll be ready for the funeral."

"Let me in." Another three raps. The door suddenly opens, and I stand up.

**Who is it...?**


	17. A Visit From One of the Guys

**Is it James? Is it Kendall? Is it Carlos...?**

Logan is standing in the doorway, his arms crossed in front of his chest. He steps into my room, looking around himself. I stand there, and he makes a face.

"What?" I ask. I'm not in the mood for Logan's faces.

"It's just…you look _rough_," he says, wincing.

I cross my arms. "How would you feel if your older brother called you a slut? And how about if the paparazzi were taking pictures of you kissing a guy, and then going as far as to say 'on the verge of intercourse'?" I pause as he blushes lightly. "And how about-"

He holds up a hand. "I get it. I came in here to talk to you about this."

"It's really none of your business-"

"Just listen."

It's really funny, but I haven't ever thought of Logan as being a part of this. Carlos is, because he's my best friend. James is, for obvious reasons. And Kendall is, because he's my brother.

I realize with a twinge of guilt that I haven't taken all of my brothers into account.

I nod, and he sits on my bed, patting the comforter awkwardly. I take a seat beside him, pulling my hair into a ponytail. It's so matted and sticky from the hairspray that I am dying to shower.

"So," I say, to kind of help him get started.

He clears his throat.

"About all of this mess…I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."

_Huh_?

"What?" I ask incredulously.

"I'm sorry. I treated you so weird when we first found out that you loved James. And after that I made no effort to make it easier on you."

_HUH_?

"-because Kendall tried to act normal, and Carlos was all for it, and I didn't try to help or anything. I never tried to comfort you or talk to you. And you're probably angry with me-"

I hold up both hands. "Logan, stop." He goes silent immediately, chuckling nervously. "Why would you think that I was angry with you?"

"For not backing you up."

"I've got plenty of support."

He sighs. "It's not just now, Katie." He pauses, picking at a loose thread on his t-shirt. "I just realized that we haven't really talked in…what, months? And I just feel like, like-" he chokes up, trying to hide it. "-like I haven't been a good brother to you." Tears well in my eyes at Logan's speech.

"And," he continues. "I want to ask you to forgive me for not being a good brother. I've never had a sister before, Katie, but you pretty much are my baby sister. I think of the guys as my brothers." He laughs shakily. "You know, we probably wouldn't have gotten this far if it weren't for you? Without you to help us scheme, we would be trying to fulfill our ice-hockey pipedreams."

I smile a little. We sit for a second, when I nearly tackle him.

"I love you, Logan!" I exclaim, crying happy tears for the first time in a long time. His soft t-shirt muffles my voice.

He says something that sounds like, "Eye woof oo too, Katie." The side of his face is pressed against the deep red comforter.

I chuckle, and let go of him.

We both sit back up and he straightens his shirt.

"Wow," he says. "Now I know what James is afraid of."

I smack his arm. "Shut up." But I am smiling.

He stands to leave. "Oh," he says, as if he forgot something. "Just wondering...did you kiss him or did he kiss you?"

I narrow my eyes. "I'm not telling you that."

"He kissed you, didn't he?" he says with a wink, acting more like Carlos than himself.

He leaves me sitting stunned on my bed.

**Tricked ya with that author's note, didn't I? I'm a sneaky gal :)**


	18. Kendall's Apology

**This is short, and I'm sorry.**

When I wake up, I feel groggy and don't really remember anything except Logan's visit. It takes me a few seconds to completely realize what happened last night. My face crumples as I remember Kendall running away.

_Is he okay_?

_Did he come home last night_?

These questions worry me. I decide to take a long, hot shower, and it actually makes me feel human again.

When I step out of my bathroom, I sit on my bed and brush my hair slowly. Then I get dressed, pulling on the normal tank top and shorts combination. I look into my closet for a minute before putting on a plaid top over my tank, unbuttoned.

_I wonder if the guys are waiting on me to get up_?

_Are they all out there_?

All of these questions also worry me, so I choose to ignore them.

I head out of my room, and don't see anything. I think maybe the guys are still asleep.

But there is a peculiar sound that I recognize, and I realize that Kendall is sprawled on the couch.

The only thing he is wearing is a pair of soggy dress pants, the pair he wore last night. He is snoring loudly, a habit he's had since age 8. His mouth is gaping, and his front leg is hooked over the top of

the sofa.

I tiptoe around him, trying desperately to be quiet. I don't want to talk to him.

As I reach the end of the couch, I knock my shin against that freaking air hockey table again.

A loud bang results. Kendall's snoring stutters loudly, and then he shoots up.

"Wha-what?" he asks groggily, alarmed. I try to get to the kitchen without him noticing, but he sees me out of the corner of his eye. He clears his throat and says softly, "Katie."

I turn to him, and cross my arms in front of my chest. "Don't you mean, 'slut'?" He winces at my harsh tone.

"Katie, I…" he trails off, looking at the floor.

"You _what_, Kendall?" I ask him.

"I'm sorry," he says, looking at his feet. I notice for the first time how disheveled and greasy his hair looks.

"Sorry, huh?" I ask quietly. "What's there to be sorry about? I mean, it's not like you called me a slut- oh, wait, you _did_ do that."

He clears his throat again. "I didn't mean it. I just thought that you guys had been sneaking around or something. Logan explained that you hadn't."

"When did you talk to him?"

"When I got home. So, at about four-thirty."

I push that thought away. "So now you just expect me to forgive you?"

He nods, raising his eyebrows. "Pretty much."

I think long and hard about that. How can I forgive him? For the name he called me last night? For the look on his face?

I sigh. I know that whatever he does, I'll still forgive him.

"I forgive you, big brother." He breathes a sigh of relief. "What exactly did Logan tell you?"

"Just that you guys weren't going behind my back. Why?" I ignore his question.

"Okay then. By the way…where were you last night?"

"Just walking around Hollywood. Trying to clear my head."

I cross my arms again. "Well, I was worried sick, Kendall. You could've been dead, or drunk, or-"

He rushes over and hugs me in the middle of my scolding. I am frozen for a second, and then hug him back. We stand there for a minute in silence.

The front door opens.

"Hi guys, I'm back." I recognize the voice of my mother and let go of Kendall. Her face is confused, and tired. She is loaded down with luggage and shopping bags.

"What's this all about?" she asks, speaking of mine and Kendall's embrace.

Kendall and I look at each other.

I decide not to tell her now. "You wouldn't believe it if I told you."

**So? Do you like this? No? Yes?**


	19. Big Time Scandal

**A LONG ONE? REALLY?**

**I feel like these last chapters have sucked, so I hope this is better :)**

In all the time that Mom was gone, we didn't go to the grocery store once. I'm slightly surprised that we ate at all.

So right now we're on our way to the store in the Mini-Van Monster that Mom bought last year. It's not nearly as cool as the Big Time Rush-Mobile- it has lollipops in between the seats and spilled milk on the carpet. She bought it when she realized that she didn't want to have to call a cab every time the guys were out in the BTR-Mobile.

We've all agreed to go since we haven't seen Mom in a week. Plus it'll be nice to get away from the Palm Woods.

We're all piled in the van, me squeezing awkwardly between James and Kendall. Mom is talking away about how we shouldn't stop being responsible when she's away. I snicker at this; if only she knew the things that happened.

Mom pulls the van into the parking lot of the grocery store and jumps out. I climb over Kendall to get out before him, something I've done since we were little. He tries to trip me, and I end up falling onto the pavement. He steps over me, a triumphant smile on his face.

"Ow," I mumble as I sit up and rub my head. Suddenly a hand is extended down to me, and I take it.

When I'm halfway up, I realize that it's James.

I yelp and let go, falling back onto the concrete. I blush and get up myself, brushing dirt off of me.

_Smooth, Katie_, I tell myself. I head into the store, not planning on going anywhere near James for a while. I remember how he said he made a mistake, and feel a burning sensation in my chest. I don't even want to see his face.

I am walking beside Mom and the rest of the guys, James following. We come around the entranceway, where a huge magazine stand sits.

_I don't even want to see his face_, echoes in my mind.

Mom gasps in shock, dropping her purse. Kendall drives the buggy straight into a wall, looking dumbfounded.

The magazines all have similar pictures, most of them just of different angles.

All of them are adorned with photos of James and I kissing, soaked by the rain. Headlines such as _BIG TIME SCANDAL_ and _James Diamond's Secret Fling_ border the top of the covers, under the magazine names. I feel like I'm going to faint. Or just die.

Mom walks up to one and flips it open, mouth still agape. Inside are more pictures, of me fighting Jennifer, of the guys and me at random places, and of course the one of me and James kissing.

She closes the magazine, still silent. I remember that she doesn't know that I'm in love with James.

"What is this?" she asks incredulously. I turn and look at James, who looks as scared as I feel.

"I can explain," I say.

She doesn't look angry, merely shocked. Her eyes turn to James. "But- but are you two together?"

"No," I say. "We just…" I don't know how to finish that sentence.

She walks up to me. "Katie, what is this all about?"

I don't answer her.

She gets closer. "Answer me, young lady."

James steps forward. "Mrs. Knight-"

"Don't." She holds up a hand. "I want to hear this from Katie."

I stay silent. Then I mumble, "I'm in love with him."

She stands there, shocked. "What?" She looks around at all the guys, who shrug. "But how does that explain this?" she asks, jabbing one finger into the magazine.

"I-I kissed him," I lie, and I hear James suck in a breath.

"Then why is he picking you up?" Damn, Mom doesn't miss much.

"I kissed her, Mrs. Knight," James tells her. "It's my fault."

Kendall looks flabbergasted, and I inwardly smack myself when I realize that he didn't know this.

"_What_?" he exclaims. "_You_ kissed _her_?" He blinks rapidly. "This is too weird for words."

"Oooh, Jolly Ranchers!" Logan exclaims suddenly, trying to distract Mom. It doesn't work. "Three bucks plus tax." He raises his eyebrows. "Can't beat those prices."

She shoos him with her hand. "I'm confused…since when do James and Katie go around kissing each other?" She shakes her head.

"Mom, can we just get out of here?" I plead, looking around. People are beginning to stare.

"Fine," she says. "You guys go to the car. I've got to get some things first."

"Mom, we can stay-" Kendall begins, but she narrows her eyes.

"KENDALL GO GET IN THE VAN!" she screeches quickly.

He scrambles out of the store, looking behind himself as he goes. Carlos, Logan, James, and I follow behind slowly.

It's bad enough that my mother knows about this- but the whole country? The whole world?

I jump a bit when James puts his arm around my back. I know he's just trying to comfort me…but man don't I wish it were out of affection.

I can feel Mom's eyes boring into the back of my head, and I mutter, "My mom."

"Oh." His arm falls away. He blushes, probably thinking that I took it the wrong way.

We all get into the van, except this time James and I are on either side of Kendall. We all sit in silence, wondering when Mom will get back.

To be honest I'm afraid.

...

The ride home is silent, nothing but the sound of the radio. When the station suddenly begins playing "Any Kind of Guy", Kendall and James exchange looks and then drop their eyes. Mom turns the radio off.

When we arrive at the Palm Woods, she parks and stomps out of the car. I wonder what the hell her problem is- all I did was kiss a guy.

And that guy was James.

I groan. In one week I've managed to nearly destroy my relationship with James, almost lose Kendall's trust, and get made-over

by Carlos.

We follow behind her, all the way to the elevator, where she shuts it before we can get on. So we end up taking the stairs.

When we reach the apartment she is inside sitting at the counter, hands folded and resting on the Formica. Logan heads to his room, as do Carlos and Kendall. James also attempts to go, but my mom grabs his shirt and throws him onto the couch. He looks at her, afraid, as she turns to look at me.

"Katie. Sit. Now."

I obey her, taking a seat beside James. He is staring at the coffee table, and I realize that he is looking at himself, brushing his hair to the side and posing slightly.

I smack his arm.

"_What did I do_?" he whispers. Mom just looks at us.

"So," she begins. "Explain."

And so I do. I tell her everything from getting smoothies for them to my talk with Kendall this morning.

The story spills from my mouth, while James is silent. A lot of these things I say he has not heard about. When I talk about smashing the picture and snapping the CD, his eyes grow wide.

I also voice how I've felt these past few days: confused, heartbroken, sad, depressed. He looks ahead the whole time, staring.

When I'm done I take a deep breath and sit in silence.

Mom stands up and comes over to me. She pats my back, and without a word, goes to her room.

When her door clicks shut, James and I look at each other.

Neither of us says anything.

Suddenly a door flies open, and Carlos comes running out.

"Holy crap that's one sexy girl!" he shouts, and I look at him like he's insane. I hear Logan's door open, and suddenly they are both pressed against the window. I'm still confused over my mother's reaction, but I push all that away for now.

I walk over to them, where I see Haile lounging by the pool in her bikini. I roll my eyes; she has a boyfriend, for heaven's sake.

"She has a boyfriend," I say. Logan sighs wistfully. He hasn't had a girlfriend since Camille moved to Canada to do a TV series.

"I know," he says. "But…wow."

I shake my head. My first mission after all this mess is over is to get Logan a girlfriend.

**Yes, I made Camille move to Canada. I don't like her and Logan together, anyways. :)**


	20. The Pool

**Finally an update? Sorry but I've been writing LOADS, and want to torture you (if you care that much)**

The next day at the pool, I'm sitting with Jo and Haile.

It turns out she is pretty cool. She tells us hilarious stories about her sixteen-year-old little sister. She didn't come to the Palm Woods with them because she didn't want to leave her friends. I feel a little down about that; she and I would've gotten along perfectly.

Mom and I had another talk last night, just by ourselves. She wasn't angry, just kind of shocked. I knew she would be.

The guys come out to the pool after awhile, all of them shirtless. I watch Haile out of the corner of my eye, but she isn't looking at James; she's looking at Logan.

She suddenly turns away and starts excitedly telling us about how Konnor is coming tomorrow, and how she's so excited. I smile, because I know that once the guys have living proof, they'll give up.

As she keeps talking, I watch James.

He usually is a big show-off when he comes down to the pool, doing back flips and flashing his smile everywhere. But not today. Sure, he's messing around with the guys, but he doesn't seem as happy as usual.

I turn back to Jo, who is winking at Kendall. I gag, and she sticks her tongue out at me.

Haile laughs, and stands up. She stretches, then runs full sprint into the pool, executing a perfect dive before splashing into the water. Jo and I gape; girls barely ever swim at the Palm Woods pool.

Logan, shockingly, strikes up a conversation with her. It's kind of sad that he still has so much hope even though he knows she has a boyfriend. But his smile is as wide as the Grand Canyon, and I'm happy for him.

I watch James, still feeling possessive, and wonder if we're ever going to talk about our problems. The closest we've come to a real conversation was yesterday with Mom, and that was one-sided. I think it would be good for us if we did, but you can't trust James to know that.

He suddenly squeals when Carlos dunks him. I smile a little; he's acting more like his normal self than he has in days.

After he comes up for air he looks at Jo and I, a smile spreading slowly over his face. I know that smile; he's up to something.

He whispers in Kendall's ear, and I nudge Jo to point out their suspicious behavior.

"What are they doing?" she asks, and I shrug. James and Kendall climb out of the pool and walk over to us. Kendall's hands are in the pockets of his swimming trunks, and James is whistling.

"Whatever you're thinking of doing, don't even do it," I threaten.

"What are you talking about?" James asks innocently. "We aren't thinking of- NOW!" he shouts, and he and Kendall rush towards us.

I hear Jo shout, "What are you- NO!" I suddenly realize what their plan is, and I yelp.

James picks me up, and Kendall does the same to Jo. I really didn't want to get in today, I think helplessly.

We are at the edge of the pool, when James pauses.

"Please, don't," I beg. He nods in understanding.

Then they throw us in.

The cold water feels good, contrary to what I expected. I feel people jumping onto me, and hear Carlos start laughing.

"Get off of me!" I exclaim, chuckling. James dunks me under.

I come up out of the freezing water to dunk him back. I hold him under for a quite a while, until he pinches my leg. I let go of him, and he pops back up with a cute grin on his face.

"I hate you," I grumble sourly. Everyone begins laughing, now, and I see Jo and Kendall kissing. I shake my head; they just can't stay off of each other.

James smirks. "Sure you do." I love that smirk. I could watch him smirk like that all day. I see Carlos grinning out of the corner of my eye.

Then the strangest thing happens.

Suddenly I feel a hand brush mine under the water. I think that it was an accident. But then the hand grabs mine and laces our fingers together. I figure it is Carlos, trying to play a twisted joke.

"Ha-ha, Carlos," I say. "Let go."

"What?" he asks from the other side of me. I freeze and look under the water.

It's definitely not Carlos's hand.

It's James'.

***roots for James***


	21. The Longest Chapter Yet

**Just a little (long) message:**

**There comes a time in every story where the author has to take a risk. This risk I am taking in the latter half of this story is something that's not good now, bad later, but bad now, and will end up being bad-yet-good in the future...did that make sense? So I urge you to keep reading, please, and that it will be interesting, even if you hate the direction, it will be going in a good one. Just a little disclaimer. ONWARD TO THE TALES!**

I'm just standing in the pool, looking at our hands with wide eyes. Everyone is babbling around us, not paying attention. Haile and Jo are wrestling for some odd reason, Kendall, Logan, and Carlos watching with wide eyes and looking like they just landed in heaven.

I glance at James out of the corner of my eye, to see that he has a broad smile on his face, watching his friends. I wonder what's happening.

_That is_ his _hand, right_?

I double-check. Yes, it is.

_Why is he smiling like that_?

There's no way to figure out this answer. So I stand patiently, my mind buzzing. I can't help but wonder if I'm going insane, that a week of traumatizing events have all combined to give me hallucinations.

I look at him again, and he suddenly drops my hand. He looks down, his cheeks heating up. I feel mine redden, also, and smile a little at the corner of my mouth.

_That's two signs_, I allow myself to think, then mentally slap myself. _No, Katie, don't go all Carlos on yourself! Don't get your hopes up!_

I want so badly to believe that these things mean something. But if I let myself think that the feelings are mutual, I could end up more broken then ever.

Kendall suddenly splashes me, taking me out of my reverie. I smile wider, letting the corners of my lips turn up even more. I splash him back and tackle him, as Logan did only seconds ago. We wrestle for a moment, and I hear Jo, Haile, and the guys laughing in the background. I feel happy.

A thought creeps out of my subconscious and into the front of my mind, a mere flash, but it is enough to make me go cold inside.

'_This was a mistake. I have to take you home_.'

I remember what James said with perfect clarity.

'_This was a mistake_.'

I stop fighting with Kendall, getting up and standing in the water. He cocks his head curiously, as does Jo.

"What is it, Katie?" he asks me, and I shake my head.

"Nothing," I lie easily. "I just remembered I have something to do, is all." I wade over to the ladder and pull myself up, waving. They all still look pretty confused, but I don't care. I'll explain to Carlos later.

I go up to the apartment, riding silently beside Buddha Bob, who is jamming to classic rock on his huge headphones. I can hear the lyrics to Aerosmith's "Crying", and try to block it out. It seems that whenever I go anywhere there is ironic music playing.

We stop at my floor, and I wave to him. He doesn't see, however, because he is playing air-guitar with his eyes tightly closed in concentration.

"This is my stop," I say to myself, and step out. I'm still not sure of the reason why I'm heading to the apartment, but my feet have a mind of their own as they navigate the navy carpet.

I pull out my key, thankful that Mom went to renew our phone contracts. She shouldn't be back for a couple of hours- plenty of time for me to think.

Yes, that's what I'm here for. I want to think without interruption, without Carlos, without anyone. I want to think long and hard about what's been happening.

I hear the lock click and I shove the door out of the way. Instead of slamming it and running to my room, (which I've been doing a lot lately), I merely shut the door quietly and sit down at the kitchen table.

I stack up the evidence of his feelings meaning something, and I also think of all the things that he has done to show otherwise.

_Does he feel it, too_? I think. I don't know the answer to that.

I am still sitting there when I hear a noise.

Eyeing the hockey stick in the corner, I jump up. I grab the long length of wood and hold it up.

The noise is getting louder as I approach the bathroom. It sounds like…the shower? And…singing?

For the first time, I notice the bag sitting by the bathroom. It's red, with lots of band stickers on it. I narrow my eyes and tap on the door with the hockey stick.

"Teenager with a hockey stick out here," I say to the mystery person. "And I'm sure as hell not afraid to use it."

Suddenly the door opens, and I'm shocked by the sight I'm seeing. Then I scream.

"Who the hell are you?" I shout at the teenage boy standing in front of me, clothed only in a towel.

"Who the hell are _you_?" he shouts back, covering himself. His black hair is soaked, droplets plummeting to the floor with his every breath.

"I'm here selling newspaper subscriptions!" I exclaim sarcastically. "I live here, you idiot!"

He shakes his head vehemently. "No, _I_ live here! I just moved in."

"That's where you're wrong," I say. There's a piece of paper lying on his bag, and he picks it up.

"See?" he says, jabbing a finger at it. I sigh when I read what it says: ZJ, 5-D.

"What's your name?" I ask. He looks at me like I'm insane.

"Zack Johnson. What does that have to do with it?" he asks.

I point at the paper. "First of all, that says _Z_ J, not _2_-J. Second of all, those are your initials, this is your room number," I tell him, poking the scrap of paper. Realization dawns on his face, and he blushes, looking down at himself.

"Oh," is all he says.

"Didn't you wonder where all this stuff came from?" I ask.

"Listen, I just spent ten hours on a plane and all I was worried about was a shower."

I narrow my eyes. "Well, get out of my apartment!" I exclaim.

I realize suddenly that I sound like a total bitch, like Hollywood personified, and my features soften.

"Go ahead and get dressed," I tell him, more kindly this time. "Where're your parents?"

He smiles slightly. "Probably in 5-D," he jokes. I laugh, and notice for the first time that he's kind of cute.

Scratch that, gorgeous.

"So, what's your name?" he asks.

"Katie," I answer. "Now put on some clothes," I say and point at the bathroom, laughing.

The back of my mind is screaming, _James_! _JAMES_!, but I ignore it. I smile at Zack.

He retreats into the bathroom to get dressed.

I find myself looking into the mirror beside of me, and stop suddenly when I realize what I'm doing. I think about James, and then push him out of my mind. I fluff my hair slightly, and Zack comes out of the bathroom.

He stands there awkwardly for a moment. "Hey, listen, I know this is kind of a strange time to ask this, but…"

_Wait a second_.

"I was wondering, if you're not doing anything tomorrow afternoon…"

_Don't I recognize this from countless corny teenage romance novels_?

"…if you'd want to, you know, go out?" he finishes confidently, reminding me of James.

Before I can stop myself, I nod my head. He flashes a grin as he heads out of the door, and I sit down at the kitchen table again.

_Did I just agree to a date with a half-naked new guy_?

_Yes_, I decide in my head. _Yes, you did, you stupid idiot. What were you thinking? James! JAMES_!

The front door opens, and the guys come in, Kendall at the head. He frowns a little at me, and then walks over.

"One question," he begins, looking over his shoulder. "Why did a wet guy just come out of our apartment?"

…

The reflection staring back at me from the mirror looks nothing like me.

For my date with Zack, Carlos has decided to go in a completely different direction in terms of my hair and makeup. Instead of the bold colors he used on the night of the premiere, he's using subtle browns and beiges.

Carlos is a genius.

He puts the finishing touches on my face, leaving me to gawk into the mirror.

"Pretty good," Logan says, approving, from behind me. He's been here the whole time; in fact, he's been hanging with Carlos and me all afternoon. It suddenly feels like a missing piece of the puzzle has been put into place, and I know Carlos feels the same way.

"Yeah, but it'd be better if you were dressing up for James," the other boy grumbles, and I feel a twinge of annoyance.

I sigh. "Let me repeat: I'm still in love with James, but it's never gonna happen. Therefore, I am trying to forget about him."

Carlos huffs. "It was _so_ close!" he exclaims, demonstrating so with his fingers. Logan moves his arm and puts a hand on my shoulder.

"It's never going to happen," I repeat, and Carlos rolls his eyes, muttering what sounds like, "Whatever."

I stand up, checking myself one last time. As I suspected, the curls in my hair are flawless, as is my carefully applied makeup. I have to hand it to Carlos: he's got a knack.

I leave the bathroom, grabbing my purse on the way. I look down at my outfit, admiring the plaid peasant top and short-shorts. It's perfectly casual, and I love it.

James and Kendall are sitting on the couch. The sight of James is enough to make a familiar pain begin in my chest, but I stop it before it gets bad.

I haven't yet told them about my date, and I dread doing so.

I check my watch, which says one-thirty. I look back at the boys on the couch. The remains of lunch are still scattered across their laps, and they are watching TV.

I snort. "Slobs."

They look up for the first time. They both looked slightly shocked at my appearance, and I smile smugly.

"You look nice," Kendall remarks, turning back to the TV and taking a swig of his soda. "Where are you going?"

I hesitate. "I have a date," I tell him.

They both spit out their drinks.

"What?" Kendall asks. "B-But-"

"'But', what?" I ask him, putting my hands on my hips. "I'll be back at three."

James look surprised. "You're going on…a _date_?"

"We've established this. Yes."

Kendall suddenly turns to James, a confused expression on his face. "Are you guys trying to screw with my mind?"

James sighs, shrugging. "I don't even know." He doesn't seem very upset, which I take as a sign that I made the right decision.

"Why are you coming back so soon?" Kendall asks.

"Jo and I promised Haile that we'd be here when the infamous Konnor arrives," I say. Haile hasn't really filled us in on details of her boyfriend, but she's excited. He nods in understanding, and there is a knock at the door.

"That's him!" Carlos exclaims from behind me. He rushes to the door, but I cut him off. Before I can open it, though, all of them have gathered around me. I roll my eyes at their protectiveness. I finally turn the knob and open the door.

"Hi, Katie," Zack says. He waves slightly.

He looks extremely good, with a plaid blue and white shirt with skinny jeans and Converse. His shaggy black hair is swept to the side, and his piercing blue eyes are taking me in, widening ever so slightly.

"Hi, Zack," I say. Kendall steps in front of me, and I scowl at him.

"Hello," he says. "I'm Kendall, man of the house, A.K.A. Katie's protective older brother. Come in. Sit." He and James move even closer to him.

I shove Kendall out of the way. "No, we've got to be on our way," I say. I realize how odd it must look with four older boys grouped around me, staring at him like vultures. I usher him out of the door, slamming it to Kendall's protests. I sigh in relief.

"He seems…nice," Zack says, still looking slightly scared. I laugh dryly.

"Yeah, if by 'nice', you mean 'overbearing and protective'," I say. He chuckles. "So, what are we going to do?" I ask him curiously as we step onto the elevator.

He presses the button for the lobby. "Thought maybe we could go for ice cream."

Now I really feel like I'm in some corny teenage romance novel. "That sounds good."

We are silent the whole way down. I'm suddenly starting to question what I'm doing when the elevator stops. He smiles a little, like he's just accomplished something. He holds out his hand, and I'm surprised.

"Shall I lead you to my chariot, Madame?" he asks me, nodding pointedly at a crummy red car in the PW parking lot.

"Why yes you may," I giggle, placing my hand in his. I marvel at my behavior; since when do I get giggly around boys?

"Then let us be on our way," he says, and leads me to the car.

**No violence please!**

**xoxo Kaelynn**


	22. First Date and Meeting Konnor

**Sorry about this again. **

An hour later, after searching for a decent ice cream place for a long time, we are sitting on benches by the pier, licking ice cream cones. The heat is beating down on us, making the ice cream melt at an extreme pace. He's telling me about how he came to Hollywood, and that he's an aspiring singer/songwriter. I smile at this.

"That's how we got here. My brother and his friends auditioned for Gustavo Rocque in Minnesota."

"So _you're_ not the famous one?" he asks, seeming mildly surprised. I shake my head.

"I was on a TV show a couple years ago," I tell him. "Just a few episodes, though." I shrug, and notice his contemplating look.

His eyes suddenly widen. "Your brother…he isn't Kendall of Big Time Rush?"

I nod slowly. "Yes, the one and only Kendall Knight. Unless you count the other ones in the world."

"So, those guys with him…"

"…are James, Carlos, and Logan, yes. James is actually the reason we're here." At the mention of him, I feel a twinge in my chest, but I try to ignore it. "He's the one who convinced them to take him to the audition. And the rest is history."

"That's awesome," he says. "But don't you have any talents?" he asks curiously.

"Oh, hell no," I laugh. "I'm an awful singer, an even more awful dancer."

He waves a dismissive hand. "You've gotta be good at _something_."

"Well," I begin. "I'm pretty good at drawing."

He claps his hands. "There you go! Be an artist! Maybe you could design my first album cover."

I blush. "No, I'm not good enough to do something like that."

He shakes his head. "Yes, you are. I can read right through you. You're good, Katie Knight."

For whatever reason, right then I lean in and kiss him.

It's not the same as kissing James. There's no heated passion in it, no love. But there's something there, I can feel it. His lips taste like chocolate.

I pull back and stammer, "I-I-I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he says, reaching up and feeling his lips. "I've never met a girl who makes the first move." He pauses, and then adds. "I like it." He smiles sweetly, and I melt.

I check my watch. "Holy crap!" I exclaim. "I have to go!"

I stand and he does, also. He puts his hands in his pockets. "What's your rush?"

"I promised this girl I'd meet her boyfriend!" I smack my forehead. "I nearly forgot!"

"Calm down," he says, holding out his keys. He sticks his other hand out to grab mine, and leads me down the pier. "I'll get you there."

….

Twenty minutes later we pull into the Palm Woods parking lot. I thank him and step out of the car, when I see something.

"Is that Carlos Garcia scaling the building?" Zack asks me, pointing at the side of the Palm Woods.

I squint, and can barely make out his unmistakable helmet. He is somehow climbing the side of the building, and I sigh.

"Yes," I say. We begin to walk across the lot, and he opens the door for me, before pausing.

"Is he carrying a _net_?" he asks doubtfully, looking skyward.

"Psshh," I say, waving my hand. "Are you crazy? Of course he's not!" I usher him into the lobby, silently cursing my brothers and their shenanigans.

Waiting in the lobby are Jo and Haile. They wave excitedly when I enter, and I rush over to them.

"Is Konnor almost here?" I ask.

Haile nods eagerly. "I'm so excited!"

"Is this Zack?" Jo asks me, gesturing to him. I nod, and lace my fingers through his. Jo appears shocked, as does Haile.

Haile suddenly looks up. "There's Konnor! I can't wait for you to meet her!"

I look around the pretty redhead who just walked in, trying to find Konnor, when I realize what she just said.

"_Her_?" I ask, and suddenly I hear a scream.

A large net suddenly falls down from the ceiling to land on top of the redhead, and she gets tangled.

"Ack!" she yells as she goes down. "Is this a _net_?" She wriggles around in it, causing Haile to burst out laughing.

"Konnor!" she exclaims, holding her side and pointing. "Ha, you just got netted!" She walks over to the squirming girl.

Suddenly the guys rush in from all sides. Carlos and Logan are looking around wildly, while Kendall and James point to the heap in the center of the carpet. They close in on the bundle of netted girl when they realize that it's not a teenage boy.

Haile has managed to free the girl from the net, and stands up. "What are you guys doing?" she asks, brushing her shorts off.

"So this is your boyfriend?" Logan asks pointing to the redhead. Haile rolls her eyes, smiling.

She shocks everyone by saying, "Oh, not _again_."

Carlos pokes his head in. "What do you mean, 'oh, not again'?" he asks.

"Guys," Haile begins. "Konnor's not my boyfriend. She's my best friend." She shakes her head. "Everyone always thinks I'm talking about a boy!" she mumbles to herself. She smiles suddenly, hugging Konnor.

"Sorry," Logan says, biting his lip.

"It's fine," Konnor says laughing good-naturedly, patting

Haile's back gently. "Can't say that I've ever been netted before." Haile pulls out of the embrace.

"So," she begins. "Konnor, this is Katie, Carlos, Kendall, James, Jo, Logan, and…um…"

"Zack," my date, whom I've almost forgot about, says. He waves.

"Hi, people," Konnor says, then turns to Haile again. "I tried Midnight-Attacking Kaelynn after you left. It just wasn't the same." She shakes her head, while Haile laughs. I wonder what the hell they are talking about, but decide not to ask.

"Um, uh," Logan begins awkwardly, laughing slightly. "You know, uh, do you…have a, uh, boyfriend?" he asks Haile.

"Well, obviously me," Konnor says, and I laugh.

Haile shoots Konnor a death glare. "No, I don't."

I see Logan's confidence grow before my eyes. "Well, um, do

you wanna go out sometime?"

"Sure!" Haile replies enthusiastically, her eyes sparkling. She's practically glowing, and I can't help but smile. Konnor elbows Haile in the ribs.

Konnor leans over to Logan. "She's had a crush on you since she was fifteen. Her and her little sister used to plot ways to meet you guys." Haile smacks her arm, blushing, and I smile.

"So, how'd your date go, Katie?" Kendall asks, and suddenly all eyes are on me. I blush when I notice James's eyes on our hands, which are still clasped.

"Good," I say. As Carlos would say, it just got twenty degrees more awkward in here. And that's saying something, seeing as how Haile's suspected 'boyfriend' just got attacked with a net.

"So," Zack says. "I'll be seeing you, Katie. I have to go. My mom's gonna freak out if I don't help her unpack." To my shock, he leans over and pecks my cheek.

Kendall looks after Zack as he jogs off, narrowing his eyes. James's eyes linger on the spot where he just kissed me. Carlos is still fuming over Logan getting the girl this time, and didn't even notice. Logan is talking to Haile and Konnor, trying to be cool, so he didn't see, either. I'm just standing there, looking at everybody.

Jo winks at Kendall, and they walk up to each other like soul mates that have been separated for years. She wraps her arms round his neck, and he snakes his around her slender waist. Of course, they begin kissing passionately.

I look up at James for a moment. He is gagging himself again, and I laugh. He laughs, too, a sound that makes my heart ache.

But then my mind wonders to Zack. I think about his plaid shirt today, and smile slightly. I think I'm finally right with the world.

Of course, it's always the kiss of death when you say that.

**Yes, I inserted my name into the story. The inside jokes may be confusing, but bear with me.**

**And this actually happens to my sister all the time. She'll be like, "Konnor's coming tomorrow!" and my relatives will wiggle their eyebrows and say, "Ooooh, who's Konnor?"**

**So please forgive for the kiss. I know, it feels wrong to write it, and I'm wanting to type James's name...but, alas, no.**


	23. The L Word

**A little jump into the future...just two months...**

"Hey, Zack," I say as he sits down beside me. "Did you finish your history assignment?"

"Yeah," he says with a grin, pecking my cheek. "Did you?"

I nod. "I'm just not sure about the last paragraph. I'll have Logan check over it." I pause, and then look pointedly next to myself, where Logan and Haile are kissing on a lounge chair. "That is, if he's not to wrapped up in her," I laugh.

It's been two months since my first date with Zack. We became official one week after that. I really, really like him, and think that it could be on the way to full-blown love. We joke, and laugh, and play. He brightens my day.

I've really grown to like Haile, almost as much as I like Jo. Of course, Carlos is still my main man/makeup artist. I still

tell him everything, but now it's mostly about Zack.

Big Time Rush is on the way to releasing their third studio album. It's due in November, and everyone's excited. Big Time Rush is more popular than ever.

Out of all of these things, there is one thing that's plagued me ever since the night of the Dirty Dancing and popcorn fiasco.

_James_.

I still have feelings for him, though they aren't as strong anymore. But it's like every time I kiss Zack, a part of me still shouts James's name. I've learned to ignore that part of me, but can't help but think about it.

James isn't his lively self lately. He's not depressed or anything, just…contemplative, dreamy, and out there. Sure, he's still getting into trouble with the rest of the guys, (don't even get me started on the time they spied on me and Zack while we were in his car talking), and he's still cocky, confident James, but there's something…off about him.

Zack is talking about going to dinner this evening, and I say that'd be great, that I'd love to go. He gives me a grin.

"Well," he says. "My mom told me to get back early. She's leaving tonight, you know. She wants to say goodbye."

"How long will she be gone?" I ask.

"A week or two," he tells me. He suddenly winks. "We'll have my apartment to ourselves."

Logan clears his throat, and there is fear in Zack's eyes. "You better think twice about saying that around me," Logan says to him, then turns back to Haile. Logan isn't quite a Carlos yet, but he's found a happy medium: still protective, yet supportive.

"Sup, baby sis?" I hear from behind me. I whirl to see Kendall with Jo, and give them a smile.

"I won't be a baby for much longer," I tell him sweetly. Tomorrow is my seventeenth birthday, and this is my last year in school. My mom would argue on that subject; she's dead-set against me skipping college.

"You'll still be a baby to me," he says, and ruffles my hair. I slap his hand away.

Zack stands. "See ya, Katie." He leans down to kiss me, and I see Kendall pretending to puke out of the corner of my eye. When Zack pulls back, I round on Kendall.

"Oh, like it isn't disgusting for _you two_ to suck face every chance you get?" I ask, pointing at them. Kendall sticks his tongue out at me.

I snarl up my nose. "You might want to put that back in your mouth. You'll probably need it later." I nod at Jo, and she rolls her eyes, smiling.

"You'll find out one of these days," she says, giving me one of those knowing looks.

Logan coughs, "Too late."

Kendall's eyes grow wide. "Ugh, I didn't want to hear about my little sister making out with some guy."

"Well," I begin, "the whole world saw it when-" I stop suddenly, trying not to allow my heart to hurt when I think of James.

We are all silent, when Kendall says. "But this is different. I don't really know this guy…."

"Oh, don't worry about it, hon," Jo says, getting on her tip toes to look into his eyes. "We've got enough kissing to worry about without adding Katie into the mix." She smiles seductively, and pulls him into yet another kiss.

Honestly, do they ever stop?

….

The next day I am walking into the Palm Woods, excited. My

party is tonight, and everyone is coming.

I wave hello to Haile, who is talking to Carlos about not snooping through her purse, and step onto the elevator. I chuckle at my friends; I don't know what I'd do without them.

After riding up to our floor, I get out only to bump into Zack.

"Oh, hey," he says with a smile. "I was just coming to find you."

I love his smile, and grin goofily back. "I was coming to find _you_." I grab his hand, and we walk towards the apartment. He is silent the whole way, something unusual for him. I wonder what's wrong.

"Are you okay?" I ask him quietly.

"Yeah," he answers, brushing his black hair out of his eyes. "Just thinking."

I squeeze his hand. "And what exactly were you thinking about?" I get closer to him, standing on the tips of my toes.

He winks, giving me his sexy grin. "Maybe _this_…" he says, then leans down to capture my lips with his. I run my hands through his hair, and we are getting really into it when-

"_Ahem_," I hear someone behind us clear his throat.

It's James, of course. His face is surprised, and I detect a hint of hurt in his features. He holds up a hand in a small wave. We three just stand there, the awkwardness in the air tangible.

"Welp," James says after a moment. "I'm just heading back to get some of my Mangerine spray." He walks by us quickly, and I roll my eyes at his timing.

"Sorry," Zack says after we hear a door shut. "I know you don't like me to kiss you when your brother and his friends are around."

I am still looking at the spot where James was just standing. "It's…it's okay," I say, looking at him again. I offer up a smile, which he gladly returns.

"So," he says, and we begin walking again. "You ready for tonight?"

"Hell yeah!" I exclaim. "Pumped. I'm gonna be seventeen!"

He nods. "I was the same way."

"When you turned seventeen?" I ask him.

"When I turned twenty."

I give him a shocked look, and he bursts out laughing. "Kidding, kidding!"

I frown at him, even though I'm amused. "Honey, you're too old for me." I shove him against the wall. He pretends to be hurt and starts squealing like an injured puppy.

"Shut up," I say as I open the door to the apartment. I set my keys down on the kitchen counter and grab the sweet tea from the fridge, pouring two glasses.

We sit down and talk about random things. I enjoy conversation with Zack; it's not always heavy and emotional, like it was when I talked with James. I love the way he gets so animated when talking about his music. It almost reminds me of the guys, and I smile a little.

"Do you want some more tea?" I ask when his glass is empty. He nods, and I hop off of the stool to pour him some more.

When I turn back around to give him the glass, he's staring at me, a thoughtful look on his face.

"Um, Zack…?" I begin.

"I love you," he blurts, causing me to drop the tea pitcher

and the glass.

"Damn!" I exclaim and lean down to clean it up. He gets off of the stool and rushes over to help me. I shoo him away and get out the broom and dustpan, beginning to sweep up the mess. I realize that I'm getting tea all over the broom and groan, getting up to grab a towel.

"Uh, Katie," he says. "Are you mad?"

I give him a funny look. "No, why?"

"B-Because I said 'I love you'."

I laugh. "And why would I be mad?" I ask him, setting the broom against the counter.

"I-I don't know, maybe-"

He is cut off when I rush over to him. His self-conscious rambling is too cute. I kiss him, wrapping my arms around his thin frame, and set my chin on his shoulder.

"I love you, too," I whisper before I even think about it. He shivers, putting his arms around my waist.

My mind is racing. _Do I mean it_? I decide that I do. _But…he's not James. You don't love him like you love James, like you've _always_ loved James_. I suppose that this is enough, though. I know it seems like I'm settling, but most of the time I don't even think about James when I'm with Zack.

And James will never love me. Zack does. And I do love him, even if it's not as intense as my love for my older brother's best friend.

We stay there like that in each other's arms for a long time, and it's one of the purest moments of my life. There is only silence, and I think it will last forever.

**Katie is in love with him. It killed me to write it.**


	24. Piece of Cake

**I think them singing to her is sweet :)**

"_Happy birthday to you_," Kendall sings to me as I sit in front of one of the tables by the pool. My mom sets the cake on the table, candles flickering in the light breeze.

Carlos and Logan follow with, "_Happy birthday to you_."

It's James's turn to sing, and he belts, "_Happy birthday, dear Ka-a-atie_."

"_Happy birthday to yoooouuuu_," they all finish in unison, and immediately everyone in the Palm Woods pool area begins clapping and wolf-whistling. Zack puts his arm around my shoulder and whispers, "Make a wish."

I wish that this would be the best birthday ever, I think, and blow out the seventeen candles. Yes, I realize that it's corny, but it's all that I want right now. Everyone starts clapping again, and Zack kisses my cheek as my mom snaps a quick picture with her Polaroid.

"Really, Mom?" I ask her. She just laughs, and cuts into the cake. Of course, forgetting the tradition of birthday girl first, the guys, including Zack, swarm around the double-decker chocolate masterpiece, leaving Jo, Haile, and I standing there and shaking our heads. Logan comes back with a piece for Haile, but Kendall has only one, which he is shoving down his throat. Jo clicks her heel on the concrete, and Kendall's eyes widen.

He holds out the plate to Jo. "Ooo want fome too?" She shakes her head, rolling her eyes and laughing. Haile kisses Logan's cheek and begins eating.

"So, birthday girl," I hear from behind me. I turn to see James standing there, a piece of cake in his hand. "Brought you some cake." He extends the Styrofoam plate towards me, and I grab it.

"Thanks, James," I say sweetly. "These idiots didn't even think about getting me cake. I mean, I'm just the girl having the birthday." He laughs heartily, and someone taps my shoulder.

"Brought you some-" Zack begins when I turn around. He looks at the plate in my hand, and finishes quietly, "-cake."

James nods. "Oh, I already got her some. Sorry dude." He punches Zack's shoulder lightly. He doesn't smile, like I expect, just looks at the cake in my hand with a rather heartbroken expression.

"You okay?" I ask. "It's just a piece of cake."

"I'm fine," he shrugs. I grab his hand. The sound system, which is blaring Panic at the Disco's "But It's Better If You Do", is turned down, and I hear someone announce that it's time for presents.

"Oooh, presents!" I exclaim, setting my cake down. I pull him over to a table covered with shiny boxes. I'm not one of those girls who hate getting presents, and I clap my hands together.

Everyone gathers around the table, waiting for me to choose one. I pick the flat square one first, and open it.

Inside is a vinyl copy of The Cure's _Disintegration_, and I turn the paper over to see whom it's from.

"Thanks, Gustavo," I say brightly. He just nods his head curtly.

I leave the biggest three for last, which are from Kendall, Carlos, and Zack. Carlos's gift is a huge scrapbook, and engraved on the front in gilt script is Katie's Memories. I hug him, feeling tears form in my eyes at his thoughtful gift.

I open Kendall's next, which is a huge cardboard cut-out of him. I roll my eyes.

"You don't understand, Katie," he says at my reaction. "You can put it up in your room. That way I'll be with you…_all the time_," he finishes, giving Zack a look, narrowing his eyes.

I open Zack's last. I gasp.

I pull at the top of the box and pull out an acoustic guitar, covered in band stickers and lyrics written on in Sharpie. He knows that I've been wanting to learn to play. Kendall has promised me lessons.

I hug Zack, kissing his lips as my mother snaps yet another picture.

"Jeez, Mom!" I exclaim. "You're like a creeper!" Zack laughs at this, and grabs my hand. The music is turned up again, and I sing along to "City Is Ours", my favorite Big Time Rush song.

Zack suddenly tugs my hand.

"What?" I ask. He just nods toward the lobby, in the direction of the elevator. I look around, and then he pulls me toward the entrance.

"The guitar is beautiful," I say as we get on the elevator. He smiles over at me. "Did you decorate it?"

"Yeah," he says. "Took me awhile to find all of those bumper stickers, but I got the job done." He gives me a cocky grin, so much like James.

"You just reminded me of James," I say with a laugh. His features suddenly get serious.

"Could we not talk about him?" he asks, turning his eyes forward.

I wonder what his problem is. "Why not?"

"It's just…" he says. "The guy's too pretty for his own good, and you live with him…I just don't like it."

One of the first real twinges of annoyance towards him surges in my veins. "Well, I've practically lived with James my whole life."

"Whatever," he says.

"Are you jealous?" I ask him, shocked.

He shakes his head. "Why would I be jealous? Of him? Nah." His voice is unsure, though.

The elevator dings as we stop on his floor. We get out and run down the hall, and I laugh when he trips over air. He scrambles back up, his real smile restored to his face.

He pulls out his keys and I remember that his mom is gone.

"My mom probably wouldn't want me up here," I say, and his smile falters. "But what the hell."

His grin goes wider as he pushes open the apartment door. Even though I've seen it before, I'm still shocked by how nice it is, and by the fact that he didn't even have to pull any crazy stunts to get it that way. I smile slightly as I remember the trouble we got in for the swirly slide.

He tosses his keys onto the coffee table, where they skid off the side. I snort at his attempt to be smooth.

He shakes his head, chuckling, and leaves the keys there. I sit down on the couch, as does he.

"So," I begin, looking around. "What do you wanna do?"

"Oh, I don't know," he says, leaning in. "Maybe this," he echoes his words in the hall today, and kisses me.

We get into it, and he begins kissing my neck. This elicits a giggle from me, and he smiles into my skin, making me shiver. He kisses back up to my mouth, where we are locked for minutes straight.

He begins pushing me down onto the couch, still attached to me, and gets slightly on top of me. He puts his hands on either side of my face and sighs my name.

I am beginning to think things are moving too fast.

My thought is confirmed when he reaches a hand under my billowing sundress that my mother made me wear.

I pull away from him. "Stop."

"Why?" he asks, incredulous. I sit up completely, and so does he.

"Because we've only been dating two months. I'm no where near close to taking that next step." I pull my dress further down my legs, beginning to feel uncomfortable.

"Oh, come on," he says. "Two months is a long time."

I can't believe his words; he really thinks that it's a long time?

"I'm planning on saving that for marriage," I say, and scoot slightly away from him.

"Really?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Most likely," I concede. "I mean, things happen, but I don't want the drama that comes with that."

He rolls his eyes. "Whatever, Katie. There's two people in this relationship, you know."

I am shocked at this side of him. This sarcastic, annoyed side that rarely ever is even barely visible. I have never seen him act like this, so uncaring about what I want, and to be honest I don't like it.

"Well, it's my damn decision!" I exclaim, getting up from the couch. This is our first major fight, and he grabs my arm, spinning me to face him.

That's the first time he hits me.

**So I guess I need to explain that I'm not going to make him suddenly turn into a monster who tries to kill James or anything. After writing this, I wrote a spin-off poem thing that's pretty good and I'll probably post later.**

**Don't stop reading, please. Hang in there.**


	25. Aftermath And The Second Time Around

My cheek burns as the sound of his slap reverberates off of the walls. Zack's eyes are wide, shocked.

"Katie-" he begins, but I turn away and run towards the door.

He grabs my arm, but I dig my fingernails into his skin. "Get the hell away from me!" I exclaim. I halfway open the door, but he puts a strong hand on it, closing it with a bang.

I cross to the other side of the room, placing a hand on my tender cheek. "Leave me alone…just-just let me leave!"

"Katie, I'm so sorry!" he exclaims. "I-I didn't mean to hit you! I don't know what came over me!" He is still in shock, looking as if he's in a bad dream.

"Shut up, okay?" I say to him. "I don't want to hear it."

He crosses the room to come to me. I flinch away, but he grabs both of my hands.

I see a tear roll down his cheek. "I'm so sorry, Katie. Please just-just don't leave. Don't hate me. I love you." He pulls me into an embrace, where I reluctantly pat his back.

"Why'd you have to hit me?" I ask, beginning to cry. "I-I-I thought you loved me."

He pulls back, putting my face in his hands. "Of course I love you, sweetie. I don't know why I hit you. I'm sorry for pressuring you."

"Can I just leave?" I ask quietly.

"Please don't," he says. "I love you."

"I love you, too," I say tearfully. "But can I just have some time to think?"

He steps back. "So you aren't breaking up with me?"

"No," I say, no emotion in my voice. "But if you lay a hand on me ever again, I swear that I will." He pulls me into another hug, and kisses my head. If he does it again, I'm going to break up with him.

We all make promises that we don't keep.

...

He's just had a rough day, Katie, he's just had a rough day, I think over and over again as Zack shrieks at me for spilling Coke on his history paper. It's been two weeks since my birthday party, and until now Zack and I have been acting like normal teenage lovebirds. He even left flowers for me at home the other day, with a note reading, 'Yours Always, Zack'.

But now, even though he has another copy of it in his desk drawer, he's shouting me down because I ruined his paper. I wince when he steps too close, and he grabs my arm, squeezing extremely hard.

"Ah!" I exclaim breathlessly. I promised myself that if this happened again….

_No, Katie, he doesn't mean to do it so hard!_ I scold myself. He lets go and storms to the other side of the room.

I speak up timidly. "What about the one in your…in your desk drawer?" I ask him quietly.

His head snaps up. His features are no longer twisted in anger, and I feel a weight come off my chest. I think I've just stopped his tantrum in its tracks.

"Oh, yeah," he says in realization, snapping his fingers. His eyes widen. "Oh, hell, Katie I wouldn't have…"

I wave a dismissive hand, but inside I'm screaming. "It's fine, Zack."

He walks over to me. "I'm sorry," he says sincerely. I feel like crying, knowing that he really is.

"Just go get your paper. It's _fine_." He kisses my cheek before he leaves.

When he shuts the door I break down. I lean against the wall and slide to the floor, my face in my hands. I remember my promise that I made only two weeks ago.

_If he does it again, I'm going to break up with him_.

I push that thought from my mind. This didn't really count as hitting me; it was probably an accident. He didn't mean to squeeze my arm so hard, I reason. He just wanted me to listen to him.

I am still crying though, and I stand up to go to the bathroom and cover up the bruise that's already forming on my left bicep. I walk past the cardboard cut-out of Kendall, which sends a twist of some emotion I can't describe up my stomach. I feel bile rise in my throat, seeing my brother's smiling face, knowing that this doppelganger saw everything that just happened.

I sprint into the bathroom, barely making it before vomiting. I stand up, turning to the mirror. My face is flushed, the ghost of the first slap still present on my cheekbone. I used makeup to cover that, also, but finally stopped two days ago.

I look around for something that I can use, and finally decide on using liquid foundation as a cover-up. Dabbing some on my finger, I rub it over my tender arm. Tears are still running down my face when the bathroom door opens.

"Shut up, Logan, maybe you shouldn't have bought me three drinks!" Haile is laughing as she enters the bathroom. She stops dead in her tracks when she sees me, though. Her face is shocked and confused, her eyes on my bruise, which is only half-covered with the tan foundation. I turn away, sniffling, and hear the door shut.

I turn around, but she is still standing there. Her arms are crossed.

"What's wrong?" she asks, concerned. I just shake my head. "Tell me."

"I'm fine, I just hit my shoulder really hard," I lie, and she sees through it.

She walks toward me, lifting my arm gently. "On someone's hand?" she asks doubtfully, cocking an eyebrow. She tucks a lock of her blonde hair behind her ear.

"It's nothing," I say. "He just got mad-"

"Who?"

I bite my lip. "Zack."

Her eyes grow wide, and she steps forward. "Katie…what did he _do_?"

"I spilled some Coke on his history essay." I rub my arm lightly.

"And he did _this_?" she asks, looking pointedly at my arm again. I shrug.

"I shouldn't have-"

"No, just stop," she says, closing her eyes. "He shouldn't be hurting you even if you did do that."

"Well, it's just this one time-"

"And where did that come from?" she asks, pointing at my cheek. "I noticed it yesterday." _Damn_, I think.

I scramble for an excuse. "Um, I just hit it on the…wall." I nod quickly.

"A hand-shaped wall?"

I sigh. "He did it on the night of my birthday."

She widens her eyes again. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"Because," I mumble, looking at the floor. "I didn't want anyone to make a big deal out of it."

"It is a big deal though!" she exclaims, then adds quietly, "Why'd he do it?"

I hesitate.

"Katie? You don't have to tell me…"

"He did it because I wouldn't…you know…" I trail off, looking up at her again.

She rubs the bridge of her nose, closing her eyes. "Oh, Katie, he didn't."

I nod tearfully. "Yeah, yeah he did." She steps forward and hugs me. I am completely comfortable with it though, I need the comfort. And honestly, she is the only one that I trust with the knowledge of Zack's infrequent abuse. Kendall, the guys, Jo, or Mom would go completely off, resulting in the murder of my boyfriend. But I think Haile knows that I can make my own decisions, and that she doesn't want to involve herself or get in my business.

She says, "Why don't you just break up with him?"

I pull out of the embrace. "Because I love him," I tell her like it's obvious. It's true, though, and I can feel it in my heart.

"I can see why you would think that," she says. "But, Katie…this isn't good."

"I know," I sigh.

There are a few moments of silence, and then she surprises me by saying, "If it happens again, I'm telling Kendall."

"I can handle it myself," I tell her stiffly.

"I'm serious," she says. "I know that you want to make your own decisions, but this is serious." I feel warmth for her swell in my chest as her eyes fill. "I don't want anything to happen to you."

I smile slightly. "Nothing will," I promise her, knowing in the back of my mind that I might not be able to keep it.

There is a sudden knock at the door. "Haile, what's taking so long?" Logan whines playfully from the other side. She rolls her eyes.

"I'm adjusting my makeup!" she exclaims towards the door, giving me a look that says, Boys, you know how they are.

She opens the door, to Logan's glee, but his face becomes puzzled when I follow her out.

"Um…" he says, taking in my soppy appearance and wrinkling his nose in confusion. Haile holds up a hand.

"Don't ask," she says, and I know that he won't.

Of course, then the front door opens. Kendall, James, and Carlos march in, laughing about something. They freeze when they see me. There is only silence, and then Kendall looks at Logan and Haile.

"What's wrong?" he asks suspiciously, his eyes wide.

I search for some kind of explanation, and then nearly jump when one hits me. "These are happy tears," I say, wiping my face. "Zack told me he loved me!" I exclaim, putting a fake, bright smile on my face. They don't know that he has told me he loves me, only Carlos does. He and Kendall both narrow their eyes, but for different reasons.

"Don't you think things are moving a little fast?" Kendall asks.

"No, I don't, so shut your mouth," I say, even though things are moving fast, way too fast.

Carlos gives me a knowing look, one that means, _We'll talk later_. I nearly groan at the thought; there's no way I'm telling him.

I see James's reaction for the first time, and feel a jolt as I take in the look on his face. He looks extremely surprised, remorseful, and confused all at once. I honestly didn't think he would really care that much. He also gives me a knowing look, but I can't read this one like I did Carlos's.

Kendall heads to his room, and so does Carlos. Haile and Logan head to his room, which I know my mom wouldn't approve of.

It's funny how often they leave James and I in a room alone.

He shuffles his feet, looking at his black Converse like they're the most interesting things in the world. I roll my eyes.

"So," he finally says. "He said he loves you?"

I nod, rocking back and forth on my toes and looking at the couch.

"That's great," he says, but it's not that enthusiastic. "But, Katie, I'm worried about this whole thing." He sounds like Kendall; I feel a surge of relief at this, because it explains all of his weird behavior lately. He's just been trying to be brotherly and protective. It's like I've been holding my breath, waiting for confirmation on whether or not he has feelings for me, too. It closes the door on any thought that he might actually return the love I have for him.

I lock that metaphorical door by saying, "You don't need to worry. I love him back."

He is frozen for a second, and then seems to realize that he hasn't said anything. "But…you guys are moving so fast."

I cross my arms. "You sound like Kendall." I frown at him, and he doesn't answer.

"Have you ever noticed that if you turn the Converse star sideways, it'll look the same?" he asks me, looking at his shoes again. I furrow my brow and throw up my hands.

"What does that have to do with anything?" I dismiss the question. "The thing I'm trying to say, James, is that you and Kendall needn't be in my business. I can handle myself."

He looks at me doubtfully. "Why were you crying?" he asks suddenly.

I look at my hands. "I told you why."

"I don't buy it. You're the toughest girl I know, and you don't cry at happy things." He doesn't miss much, I'll give him that. He knows that I scoff at movies where the heroin tears up on her wedding day.

"Sure I do."

He steps toward me, until he is inches from my face. "What's wrong?" he asks softly.

I open my mouth, then close it before saying, "Nothing."

He smirks slightly. "I'm not buying it." But his face is still worried, and his eyebrows are drawn together in concentration, trying to read my expression.

"Well, get ready to make a purchase," I say. "Cause I'm telling the truth."

Now there is no amusement on his face, and he walks toward his room. He turns around to me before asking, "If something really was wrong, you'd tell me, right?"

Guilt floods my brain, but I say, "Of course," smiling and nodding. He opens his door slowly, and then closes it as he goes in, leaving me to wonder what the hell I'm going to do now.

**Thanks to all my lovely reviewers, especially ToriKinzLovesBTR, for giving me quit a laugh when you said my sister's character was 'kind of unnecessary'.**

**And why does Katie lie to James? WHY? (**remembers that she has the power to make them do otherwise**) Oh, what the heck, let's make the readers squirm :)**


	26. Like Every Inch of Me is Bruised

That night, Zack wants to go see a movie.

I tell him no, that I don't feel well, but after him insisting that we go for over thirty minutes, I give in.

I am getting ready right now, but it feels strange. Probably because Carlos isn't helping me, even though he asked to. I politely refused.

He's been trying to corner me all day, trying to find out what happened. Every time, I managed to make some kind of excuse, but that'll only work for so long.

I don't put on that much makeup tonight; to be honest I don't really even want to look good for Zack. I sloppily apply mascara, the edge of the brush touching my eyelid. I don't wipe it off, just smear it a little.

I hear a knock on the door, and then Kendall bellows, "Your man's here, Katie!"

I drop everything I'm holding, including the mascara container, which spills its contents onto the floor. I curse under my breath and lean down to pick it up, muttering obscenities the entire time.

"Whoa, Katie," I hear from behind me. "You sure do have an interesting vocabulary."

I stand up, turning to face the speaker. "I'm not in the mood, Carlos." He takes a step back at my harsh tone, and out of the corner of my eye I can see a reflection of myself giving him a cold stare. Carlos holds up his hands in surrender, letting out a low whistle.

"What's wrong with _you_?" he asks. "Is it already that time of the month again?"

I roll my eyes at his question, and cross my arms. "No, it isn't. Get out of my damn business."

"Hey, what the hell is your problem?" he asks, annoyed. This is the first time we've ever talked to each other like this, and I don't like it one bit.

"Nothing," I murmur. He sighs.

"Well, Zack's here."

I can feel my expression get even more dismayed, and his eyes widen in realization.

"Zack did something, didn't he?" he asks, astounded. I try to hold back tears, and when I speak again my voice is an octave higher.

"I really don't want to talk about it," I say, and one tear makes it way down my cheek.

"Katie!" he exclaims, rushing over to me. "What did he do-"

"Hey, beautiful!" I hear Zack say from behind Carlos. I wipe my face hurriedly and sniff, ducking my eyes.

"Hi," I say. Carlos is looking between us with a shocked look on his face. Tears fill my eyes once again when I realize that I can't tell Carlos what happened, that he'd do something drastic. I can't tell anyone.

I'm alone.

"Something wrong?" Zack asks, concerned. I shake my head, trying to somehow blink the tears back like people do in books I read. It doesn't help, just makes them tip even more out of my lashes. I reach up a hand and swipe them away.

"Allergies," I say as an explanation, and he seems satisfied. He puts an arm around my back, leading me out of the door. We walk through the living room, where Logan, James, Jo, Kendall, and Haile are watching a movie. When I realize what movie it is, a lump forms in my throat.

_Dirty Dancing_.

I swallow loudly, looking forward. Haile gives me a helpless look, like she wants to stand up and stop me from going out with Zack. I kind of want her to, in fact would be extremely relieved if she did.

I look behind myself, where Carlos is standing, mouth agape, at the bathroom door. His eyes beg for some sort of explanation, but I merely nod at him, the wetness in my eyes getting worse. I raise my hand up to wipe my eyes again, not listening to Zack prattle on about how good his history paper is going to be. I wish his history paper would burn in hell.

As he opens the door, arms still around my waist, I look back a final time. Carlos has rejoined the group sitting in the living room, lying on his stomach, looking so much like he did on the fateful night in July. The others are laughing because Jennifer Grey just said, "I carried a watermelon".

Seeing them all there, laughing, happy, and loving each other is enough to make me want to run out of Zack's arms and into the arms of one of my brothers, and have them tell me that it'll be alright. I want to sit and be goofy with Carlos; I want to talk to Jo about guys; but most of all I want to talk to Kendall, and tell him everything that's happened since my birthday. I want him to give me a hug and reassure me that everything will be fine. I want to stay in the apartment, with my family and friends, and forget that Zack Johnson exists.

A cold feeling twists in my stomach when I realize that Zack has closed the door behind us, effectively shutting me out from the world that I love so much.

...

"Did you have a nice time?" Zack asks me as he shuts the car down in the Palm Woods parking lot. "You've been awful quiet tonight."

"Yeah," I say. "Sorry about that. I've just had a rough day."

"Really?" he asks, as if he has no idea what I'm talking about.

I nod, wondering how he has the nerve to pretend that he didn't scream at me today. He shakes his head and puts an arm around my shoulder.

"Sorry, hon, why don't we talk about it?" This is just getting creepy, this over-cheeriness, and I shiver slightly.

"Well," I begin, looking at the floorboard. "This guy was really, really mad at me today."

"Yeah?"

_How can he not know that I'm talking about him_?

He must be in some kind of denial, so I say, "He got mad at me for ruining his history paper."

He freezes, and I realize that he knows now. "Oh. I thought I told you I was sorry."

"You…did," I allow. "But you left a really big bruise on my arm." Hey, if I'm gonna be honest, I'm gonna be honest.

"Let me see," he says. I roll up my long sleeve, and lick my finger so I can rub some of the makeup off. His handprint is prominent against my skin, turning a purple-black. It wraps over halfway around my arm. I wince when he touches it lightly.

"Oh, come on," he scoffs, and his tone shocks me. "You're such a damn baby. It's not even that bad!"

"'Not that bad'?" I ask him, disbelieving. "'Not that bad'?"

"Calm down. Gosh, you're so dramatic," he says, beginning to smile.

_This is getting insanely creepy_.

I round on him. "No, I'm not! Look at this freaking bruise! It's _black_!" I point at it for good measure.

Anger clouds his features. "You're starting to make me mad, Katie."

"_I'm_ making _you_ mad?" I can't believe this. He has been sweet and caring all night, and now he's mad because he hurt me?

"Yeah, you are," he says. "Get out of my car."

"Zack-"

"Get. Out. Of my. Car."

"Zack, come on, let's talk about this-" I begin. His face grows even angrier, and before I can think he reaches over and uses as much force as possible to slam my head into the dashboard.

"Agh!" I exclaim, putting a hand to my throbbing face. An instant headache springs forth in my forehead, and I can't think straight, much less believe that he hurt me again. My eyes water with pain, confusion, and fear.

I sit up straight. "What happened to you?" I ask him, covering my face.

He is wide eyed, looking at my forehead, where I'd bet there's a red mark. "Katie, I'm sorry, I-"

"Just shut up, Zack, I don't want to hear any of your crap," I say, getting out of the car, a light rain beginning. I slam the door shut, and he gets out.

"Just listen," he says, following me. I stare straight ahead, at the warm glow of the lobby. He catches up and spins me around.

I flinch back, remembering what happened today, and he pulls me into a hug.

"I'm so sorry," he says, burying his head into my neck. He looks up. "My grandmother died this morning."

I feel instant guilt and shame for getting angry with him. After he says this, I kiss his cheek, remembering how it felt when my grandmother died. I decide to forgive him, that this is merely a coincidence, that he's just sad. Even though I still feel strange about this, as if it might be an excuse, I want so badly to trust him that I do.

"I'm sorry, sweetie," I say. "Just please don't do it again."

"I won't," he says, tears slipping down his cheeks with rainwater. "I swear, I won't."

**Sorry for this. But she's in love, making excuses and denying that there's a major problem. Hey, do you want a Ranch dressing plot or Zesty Italian?**


	27. Suspicious

**YES! AN UPDATE! I've been working out the kinks in this chapter for a while. Its still not my best, but it's good:)**

I am writing in my journal again, tears spilling onto the new notebook that I bought yesterday. In it, I chronicle everything that has happened since my birthday party.

For the past month, Zack has been hitting me in a recurring pattern. It usually happens maybe once every three days, but he's always got a reason. That fact is the only thing I find solace in.

A few days ago he went as far as to actually punch me in the stomach when I said that the food I'd ordered at a restaurant wasn't any good. He made the excuse that he paid for it, so I shouldn't complain. That was the first time I started to feel really uneasy about everything.

The next day, he bought me flowers and got me a card that said I'm sorry. Please forgive?

Most of the time, Zack is still the sweet guy I fell in love with. He gives me that world-destroying, crystal white smile, and I melt, forgetting what will inevitably happen within the next 72 hours or so.

Then, I say or do the wrong thing, and he's put another bruise on me. I've run through goodness knows how many bottles of foundation and sticks of concealer, having to touch it up every few hours. The most I've had to use was when he slammed my face on the dashboard; it gave me a black eye, which I had a very hard time covering up.

Haile doesn't know about any of these occurrences, nor does anyone else. Carlos finally gave up on finding out what was wrong, and I've tried to keep acting normal.

_It's kind of hard to do that when your boyfriend is abusing you_, I think sarcastically, and then write it down.

This is actually the first time I've let the word enter my head.

_Abuse._

_No, he's just hurting me a little_, I think.

_Face it; he's abusing you, Katie_, a voice in the back of my mind says to me. _He's abusing you, and you know it_.

I slam my notebook shut with a choked sob, and put my hand over my mouth. I've cried more in these past six weeks than I have in my entire life, and I'm getting sick of it. Pretty soon, I'll have cried myself dry, and there'll be nothing left.

I stand up, stretching. I don't want to think about Zack as being abusive. Today we're hanging out at the pool, and I feel like we might be able to get along. I wipe my face and step into my bathroom, and cover up the bruise on my cheek, where he slapped me for back-talking him last week. I frown at the contusion, touching it lightly and then wincing; it's one of the darkest ones yet.

I do the rest of my makeup, then head out my door. I walk through the living room, grabbing an apple and saying hello to my mother before leaving the apartment

On the way down to the lobby, I remember that I forgot my bathing suit. I snap my fingers and ride the rest of the way down before pressing the up button again. I'm so forgetful sometimes.

_Probably because of all the head injuries you've acquired _

_recently_, my mind whispers. I don't like this thought, so I shove it away.

The elevator dings, and I step out. My mom has apparently already left, since the door is locked. I grab my keys out of my beach bag and open the door.

I walk into the room and drop my bag, making my way to the bathroom, where my bathing suit is hanging on the towel rack to dry. It's a light blue one-piece that I borrowed from Haile after he punched me in the stomach. There is still noticeable discoloration on my abdomen, which is why I'm wearing it again.

I begin to change, pulling off my tank top and wondering how I could forget to wear a bathing suit to go swim. I'm standing in my bra and shorts, about to pull them off.

The door suddenly opens.

I am frozen for a moment, looking at the intruder's reflection in the mirror.

"Katie, what's on your stomach?" Logan asks, wide-eyed. I

cover myself.

"Logan, get out!" I exclaim, and throw a towel at him. He pulls it off of his face, spitting towel fuzz out of his mouth.

"What is that?" he asks, looking more closely. I pull my shirt over my head again, but he stops me before it's all the way down. He squints, and then his eyes open fully, as if shocked. "Is that a _bruise_?"

"No," I snap at him and pull my shirt down. But he can see a different truth on my face.

"How'd it get there, Katie?" he asks, taking a step toward me. I don't answer, and he asks more firmly, "How?"

"I hit my stomach on the counter," I lie. He rolls his eyes.

"Then why didn't you answer me the first time?"

"Maybe because you just walked in on me changing!" I exclaim. "Get the hell out of here!"

He is taken aback by my harshness. He turns to exit the bathroom, then spins to face me. "You know that you can always talk to me, right? About whatever."

"I just hit it on the counter," I say, and soften my tone a bit. "Go spend time with your girlfriend, or whatever it is you crazy kids are doing these days." He grins uneasily, but I know that he has no clue of what could be making me so hostile.

"I'm fine," I say. "Just go."

He waves, departing the bathroom quickly. I stand there for a moment, before continuing to change into my suit.

Once dressed, and after grabbing my wide-brimmed hat, I leave once again, hoping to return with no more bruises than I already have.

...

Zack doesn't hurt me.

I am walking on air when I head up to the apartment tonight, mostly because Zack didn't hit me or yell. I flounce into 2J, brushing my hair out of my eyes and whistling "Don't Rain On My Parade".

"What're you so happy about?" I hear Kendall ask when I shut the door. I swing my purse in front of my body, drawing in a deep, satisfying breath. I release it with a happy sigh, and skip exuberantly to my room, leaving him to look after me, confused.

When I reach my room, Carlos is standing there.

I drop my bag with a groan. He taps his foot impatiently, looking at his crossed arms. _Does he know_? I think.

"What do you want, Carlos?" I ask wearily. He looks up.

"Well," he begins, tugging at the hem of his shirt. "Maybe

you could start with what Zack did to you last month."

I sigh. "You're still trying to figure that out?"

"Yeah," I hear a voice say, and Logan steps out of my bathroom. He takes a last glance into the mirror, before flicking off the light and shutting the door. He points behind himself suddenly. "Do you know it smells like pomegranates in there?"

I ignore his question. "He didn't do anything, Carlos."

Logan holds up a finger. "Ah, now that's where you're lying. I've pieced it together, and come to one conclusion: he's been hitting you, hasn't he?"

All of the air goes out of my lungs, and I grab my throat. I try not to betray what I'm really thinking by letting it show on my face.

I decide to play if off as shock at his accusation. "Hitting me?" I ask, faux-disbelief apparent on my scrunched face. "What in the world would give you that idea?"

"Well, I, uh-" Logan sputters. Carlos puts a hand on his shoulder, and he shuts up.

"So he hasn't, then?" Carlos asks, raising one eyebrow, his face looking as if he wants to be hopeful.

"Of course not!" I exclaim. I wave it off with a flick of my wrist. "He just got really mad and yelled at me for awhile…I ruined his essay and he said some mean things…but we're okay now." I give them a little smile, scratching my head.

I hold my breath, waiting for some kind of response, when Carlos sighs in relief. "Thank goodness. I was worried that he had, you know-"

"Well, now you know better," I tell him. "Zack and I are fine, don't worry about us crazy teenagers." On the inside, I am shouting at myself to tell them, but I silence that voice quickly. As if I need anyone else yelling at me.

...

"Shut up, Kendall," I hear from the living room the next morning. I cock my head curiously; since when do the guys wake up at eight?

"No, James, you look like a monkey!"

I frown slightly, and wonder what in the world they are talking about.

"My mom sent this to me, man!" I hear James defend himself. "I used it at the eighth grade prom!" I realize that he must be talking about a suit.

I roll my eyes and stand up, stretching and throwing my blankets back into place. He used it at the eighth grade prom, all right; when he was five feet and not extremely muscular. I can already picture what he looks like in my head, and I giggle aloud.

My slippers barely whisper against the hardwood, and they turn to me, shocked, when I enter the living room. I start laughing at James; as I said, the suit is too short for him, and tight.

Kendall was right; he does look like a monkey.

James scowls. "What's so funny?" He puts his hands on his hips, making the total image all the stranger.

I put a hand over my mouth. "You look…um…nice?" I say.

He rolls his eyes. "Very funny. I'm just trying on my suit for the Palm Woods Fall Ball."

"You're going to it again?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. They are way too old to be attending a dance with sixteen year olds.

"We're performing, actually," Kendall says, sticking a tongue out at me. "So shove it, baby sis."

"Whatever," I say, walking past them into the kitchen. I open the fridge door, my skin bunching into goosebumps when the cold air hits me. I grab the tea pitcher, remembering the day of my birthday as I do so, remembering what followed a few hours later. A door opens, and I hear Logan mutter something unintelligible.

I pour myself some tea and hear more doors open, and suddenly my whole family is up and in the living room. I grin when I see Mom fussing over James's suit.

"So," I begin, walking out of the kitchen. "What're you guys gonna do for the dance?" I ask, taking a sip of my tea.

"Probably just some hits," Kendall states, still looking at James and chuckling. "Nothing new, at least I don't think so. Gustavo would murder us."

I nod; I've seen Gustavo blow up a million times, so I'm pretty used to murderous behavior on his part.

Carlos comes to stand beside me, and smiles brightly. "So, do you wanna hang out for a while today, Katie?"

I shake my head. "I have a date with Zack," I tell him, and then glance at the clock over the mantle. "In exactly twenty minutes."

His face is suddenly downcast, and he turns away sullenly. "You never have Carlos time anymore." He begins to slink off, but I grab his arm.

"Hey," I say. "We'll hang out later."

His face brightens immediately. "Sure!" he exclaims excitedly. "We'll go to a movie or something! Or we could play hide and seek, or- wait, why are you going out with Zack at eight-thirty in the morning?"

I shrug. "Said he had something special to show me."

Kendall rolls his eyes, and irritation settles in my stomach. Sometimes he can be such a hypocrite that it makes me sick.

There's a knock at the door, and Carlos looks over at me questioningly. I furrow my eyebrows, and go to answer the door. When I open it, Zack is standing there, a wide smile plastered on his face. I return the smile, and grab his hand.

"I'm going out for a while, Mom!" I call over my shoulder, but she barely acknowledges it, focusing intently on James's suit. I giggle quietly as he leads me out the door and down to his car, kissing my cheek. He tells me he loves me, and for the first time in a while I feel genuinely happy.

**Lame chapter, huh? Yes, it is lame...but I promise that you will absolutely not be disappointed with the next.**


	28. Weekiversary and Things Turn Sour

**Here you go, my loyal readers:**

Tonight is the week anniversary of Zack not hitting me. Not much of a thing to celebrate; but hey, it's a week with no bruises. I feel like tonight will be important, and I don't know if that's good or bad.

Right now I'm getting ready. I dress casually, because he said that he just wants to come to our apartment. But I still want to feel special, so I put on the dressiest semi-casual clothes I can find: a white baby-doll top and black skinny jeans, with a pair of knee-high leather boots. I curl my ponytail, making it look as elegant as Carlos did on the night of…. never mind.

When he called and told me that he wanted to come over to talk to me, he didn't seem happy. He sounded excited yet serious, and I don't know what that means.

I am finally satisfied with my appearance, smacking my lips together and trying my best to strike a come hither pose…with little success.

There is a knock at the door, and I practically run out of the bathroom. I have made everyone leave 2-J for the occasion, and there is no sound but my sprinting steps, echoing all around the empty place.

When I finally get to the door and open it, I come to an immediate halt. There is an immeasurable amount of time where Zack and I just look at each other. I cock my head inquisitively at the strange look on his face: it's somewhere between serene and angry.

Then he slaps me.

There is so much force behind his blow that it makes me stagger a few steps, and I clutch at my face, at my burning cheek. He steps farther into the apartment, looking around just to be sure, and then shoves me to the ground. The coffee table catches my back, and pain radiates up my spine.

_No, no, no_, I think frantically. _Why is he doing this? He was doing so well, tonight was the night that things were going to change. _

And then I realize that things have.

"Zack!" I exclaim, putting my hands over my face. He towers over me like some frightening idol, and the fire in his eyes is enough to make me even more afraid. He takes a step toward me, and I plead, "Stop! What's wrong? What did I do?"

He is wordless as he removes a square of paper from his back pocket. I stay on the ground as he unfolds the crumpled document, before shoving it in my face and hauling me off of the ground.

The headline screams at me as I realize that it is the cover of a magazine. I almost faint when I realize what it is.

_JAMES DIAMOND'S SECRET FLING!_ And then, as a subtitle:_ How the hot young pop star has found love with the sister of his bandmate_!

"No," I nearly moan. His grip around my wrist tightens until I hear a crack and fire shoots halfway to my elbow. I scream, and he grabs me by the hair. Zack pulls me to a kneeling position on the ground, and slams my head on the coffee table.

"You-" _bang_ "-filthy-" _bang_ "-slut!" he shouts between intervals of forcefully knocking my head against the mahogany.

"Zack- no!" I cry. "It was before we even met!"

He pauses and spins me to face him. "Like that even matters, you whore." He jerks me from the floor by the same wrist as last time, and I hear another crack. My vision blurs for a moment, and all I can think of is the pain. It dulls to a low throbbing, a kind of aching numbness.

"Stop!" I yell again, and tug my hand out of his grasp. I have no idea where to go, but my first instinct is Kendall's room. I can barely run in these boots, and when I reach the doorway, I feel Zack grab my hair and pull me backwards. I hear some rip out, and when I look again he has a chunk of my brown locks clasped in his hands. I can feel the spot where he tore it off: right at the hairline in the back, and I think wildly that it won't be that hard to cover up.

He snarls, "Skank! I've loved you and bought you nice things…and now I find out that you're just a damn piece of worthless trash." He punches me in the stomach, and I crumple to the ground, where he begins kicking my side. My breathing is feeble, and once again my vision wavers. My head, wrist, and now ribs throb with every breath. I chance a look up at him to see his face. I have never seen someone look so completely…evil and demented, maybe even insane.

I suddenly reach out my uninjured hand and yank his foot out from under him. He goes down with a shout of indignation, and I pull myself to my feet, propelling my body away from him, from the boy I once loved. But halfway past the sofa, I trip over my stiletto-heeled boots.

I cry out when I try to catch myself with my hands out in front of me, searing agony flaring up my arm. There is a dull ache in my ankle, which I realize I must have twisted. I pant breathlessly and try to get up, but Zack has recovered and tackles me from behind.

_How did this happen? How did this happen?_ I think as he and I crash to the floor. He spins me over onto my back, and straddles me as he begins to deliver blows to my face. I feel my lip start bleeding, along with my nose, but thankfully he doesn't break anything.

I hold my hands up and try to shove him off of me, to no avail. I then decide to raise a fist and punch him square in the groin.

He falls off of me sideways, clutching his injured man-parts as I crawl from him. I grab the edge of the kitchen counter to pull myself up. I can't even think around the all-consuming terror in my brain. _He's going to kill me, or hurt me even worse_, I think.

But that's absurd, he won't kill me…he may just permanently alter my internal organs.

I try to walk, but my ankle hurts too much. I realize that the boots can't be helping, and quickly slip them off, limping to the door in my sock-feet.

I hear a low, threatening, primal growl behind me, and freeze. How can any human being make such a noise?

"You're gonna pay, you selfish, stupid, lying slut," he says in a deathly low voice. I turn quickly to the side and dart towards the kitchen, knowing that I'll never turn the handle of the door in time. He catches me, though, and wrestles me to the ground again.

He elbows me in the stomach, and I'm sobbing openly. _"Kendall! Carlos! ANYONE!" _I shout, causing him to put a hand over my mouth. My tears run over his cupped palm, and he continues to hurt me. I know that no amount of cover-up can conceal this violent outburst.

Now I can't help but think, _He's gonna kill me, he's gonna kill me. _As if reading my mind, he takes his hand off of my mouth and moves it to my throat. His eyes, wild and angry, seem sightless

as he squeezes my windpipe. He's not even himself anymore. I think that he's so consumed with rage, he can't even help himself.

I make a helpless, choked, gurgling sound and my eyes are still pouring tears. I try to raise my hands, but they only rattle feebly on the hardwood floor. Shadows and bright white spots cloud my visions, my brain is pounding, and my eyes are wide with fear.

_Oh, please God, make him stop_! I pray in my head.

There is only silence for a moment, and the whole world freezes as there is the sound of the lock turning, and a door opening quietly.

**I decided that I'm making you wait until tomorrow for an update. :) I know I'm evil.**


	29. Confessions

"-can't believe I forgot my hairspray. What the-" I hear a voice ask, confused. Zack is still hitting me, oblivious to the intruder, and I turn my head as the person shouts, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

I've never seen such anger on someone's face, and I call out to him. He just looks at me for a moment, his expression furious and shocked. We stare into each other's eyes for an immeasurable amount of time. His eyes move across my face, which I'm guessing is swollen under the blood. I'd wager that there is a black eye blooming.

"James!" I exclaim. "Please help!" Zack nails me in the side of the face before twisting around. As he takes in the sight of James standing there, his frame shaking with fury, he suddenly picks me off of the ground and throws me across the room.

"Get out of here," Zack snarls to James. "This isn't any of your damn business." He rushes toward me and starts kicking me in the side of the head, making it pound even more so.

James seems to break from his trance as he shouts, "You son of a bitch!" and charges at him, fists already clenched. He yanks Zack back by his shirt and spins him around, hauling back and punching him in the jaw.

Zack drops like lead, and I begin to pull myself to a sitting position.

But then the heap of teenage boy on the floor makes a sound, and, to my amazement, gets off of the floor. He doesn't even glance at James, but turns to me and begins kicking wildly. I scream when I hear something in my chest crack, and pull myself along the floor. Out of the corner of my eye I see James grabbing him again, slamming him to the floor and pinning his arms above his head. Little red dots form in my line of vision, and I collapse.

James knees my former love in the stomach, eliciting a cry of pain from the boy under him.

"You think-" James begins, pausing to slam his head to the floor, "-that you can just hurt her? You think that I won't kill you for it, you worthless son of a-" He is cut off when Zack flips them over. For being so small, Zack is actually pretty strong, which is not a good thing in the current situation. I think that I have never seen James act so violently.

"STOP!" I scream at him as he hits James in the stomach, my voice shrill. Tears sprout once again. "LEAVE HIM ALONE!"

I find the strength in myself to stand, and dash over to them. I seize the collar of his striped polo and pull him backwards with my undamaged arm. His eyes widen in surprise, and he grabs wildly at me. He takes hold of one of my belt loops, and I lose my balance, toppling over with him. He gets on top of me and starts hitting me again, but his resolve is fading. His blows are slow and weakening, even though they still hurt like a mother. I pull back my arm and with all of my strength punch him in the chest.

"Oof!" he exclaims, and his eyes get dark. "You'll pay for that." He draws back his fist and punches me for the final time.

Stars explode in my vision, and it's all I can do to stay conscious. I see James out of the corner of my eye, coming up behind Zack. I begin sobbing again, not just in pain, but in shame at what my life has become. I am a weak, worthless person, and I want nothing more than to be isolated forever from the world.

James lands a fist on Zack's neck, and it's a wonder that he didn't break his neck. He begins dragging the insane, abusive bastard out by his collar. Zack tries to break free, but the fight has nearly gone out of him. He looks into my eyes and mutters sleepily, "I'm sorry."

I don't say anything; I just hug my knees to my chest and cry.

I hear the door close and shut, more yelling, and then James saying, "If I ever see you again, you filthy scumbag, I'll make you sorry that you were ever born. And if you ever go near _her_ again…well, you can figure it out by yourself." There are scrambling feet, whimpers, and suddenly the door opens.

James stands there and looks at me in silence. For a moment, the whole world is still, and a silent communication passes between the two of us.

"Katie," his voice breaks on the second syllable. I draw in a deep breath that squeals, and wail. It's the most heartbroken sound I've ever heard spill from my lips. "Katie?"

I hesitate for a moment, then ask coldly, "What?"

He walks over to me. "How long has this been going on?" He kneels down and strokes my arm softly.

I don't answer him.

"How long has-"

We are interrupted by the sounds of laughter outside of the apartment. I hear Carlos call out, and Jo's answering giggle. _They were supposed to come back later_, I think desperately. _Why now?_

I wince when the door opens. I count to ten under my breath, trying to calm myself down.

I look up again, and see them all staring at me. Kendall, Jo, Carlos, Logan, Haile. All of them, looking at me with shock apparent on their faces. Haile drops her drink, and the Styrofoam explodes when it hits the ground, spilling what looks like Mountain Dew all over the floor. Her face scrunches up, and I know that she knows.

Kendall finally speaks. His face is beginning to get angry, and he rushes over to me. "Katie, what happened?" he asks urgently. He glares at James, who is right beside me. "You didn't do this, did you? Because I swear-"

"Kendall," I say softly.

They both turn their heads toward me. Kendall looks as if he frantically desires to know what's going on.

"Kendall," I say again, sniffing and holding up a hand to wipe a tear from my face. James reaches the moisture before I do, swiping a thumb gently my cheek. I show him that I am grateful with my eyes, and he nods. "Kendall, James didn't do it." I take a deep breath. "Zack did."

His face freezes, and he stands, turning towards the door.

"I'm gonna kill him," he says, in such an emotionless voice that it sends cold chills up my aching spine.

"Kendall-" I begin to stand as I say this, reaching an arm out to steady myself. I grab his arm, but he jerks it out of my grasp. "Kendall." Again, no reaction. "KENDALL!" He spins suddenly.

"What, Katie?" he asks. "Do you want me to just pretend that he didn't beat you up? You're my baby sister, damn it! He needs to pay!"

"No, stop!" I say. "Just come back here for a second-"

He turns and rounds on me. "How long has this been going on? Huh, Katie? How long? Is this the first time?" When I don't answer, he grabs my arm, and I cry out, flinching from the contact. I put my hands over my head and cower. I have no idea what caused this sudden reaction, but he hands on my arm stirred a deep fear inside me.

He steps forward and swallows, his face remorseful. "Katie, I'm sorry, I just-"

"A-A-A month and a half," I choke. "Maybe longer, I'm not sure."

I see Jo begin crying, putting her hands over her face. She sobs once, a ragged hitching of breath that I can barely hear. Logan swallows loudly, looking at the ceiling, his lips twitching, and a tear rolls down Haile's face as she puts her arm around his waist. Carlos stares at me, his eyes widening in disbelief and horror.

"You mean- you mean we were _right_?" he asks, and Kendall shoots him a look.

"What do you mean by that?"

Carlos looks down. "Logan and I…we asked her…but I swear we didn't know!" As Carlos finishes his exclamation, he puts his face in his hands and starts to cry. I am shocked; I have never, ever seen Carlos or Logan cry, and both of them tearing up on the same night is almost too much.

I walk over to Carlos and shush him gently, pulling his face up. "You couldn't have known," I tell him softly. He nods his head slowly and tearfully, looking like a child. I pull him into a hug, and see that Kendall is now crying, too. The last time I saw him really bawl was at our father's funeral, after he was in a car accident. But that was ten years ago; I can barely remember seeing my brother weep. Jo goes to console him.

And so everyone is like that for the longest time, just standing there crying, looking at my bloody, bruised face.

After an infinite amount of time, I get up and walk to my room, slamming the door behind myself. I hear someone follow behind me as I walk into my bathroom.

The reflection staring back from the mirror can't possibly me. One of my eyes is swollen nearly shut and purple, and I touch it lightly, new tears forming. My bottom lip is busted, and the blood from it blends with the blood from my nostrils. My cheeks are swollen as well, and there is a small scratch that I think must've come from his pinky ring. I put a hand on the side of my face, my eyes widening.

The person behind me puts a hand on my shoulder and envelops me in a tight hug, shushing me as I begin to shake with sobs.

"It's okay," Jo says to me, brushing my hair out of my eyes. "It's okay." I settle my face on her shoulder, and she holds me as I cry for my family, my friends, and myself for being in this awful situation.

…

After Jo leaves, I put on music and just lie on my bed, thinking. I try to find something depressing, and I almost chuckle when I realize how similar it is to the night of the scandal. But the laugh dies in my throat before it can even begin.

Jason Walker begins singing "Down", and I close my eyes.

_..._

_Unbeknownst to Katie, less than thirty feet away, James is in the exact same position, hands behind his head and eyes closed. He hears Katie's music, and welcomes the sound; at least it's something besides hearing her miserable cries, which break his heart every time they reach his ears. He himself has been thinking this entire time, ever since she stalked into her bedroom, with Jo following. He's been questioning every single moment that's happened in the last few months, from the night of Katie's confessing her love for him to the present moment. James has no idea what conclusion he's come to; he's just as confused as when this all started._

_Then, something odd happens: at the exact same time, though separated by two thin walls and the living room, they both think of each other, and a tear cascades down the sides of their faces, falling to the bedspread below._

**So about the last part...I thought it was a bit corny, but my older sister (who reads it before you guys ever even know about it being updated) said it was cute, and now that I think about it, it was the perfect way to end this chapter.**


	30. The Morning After II

When I wake the next morning, the first thing I think of is not Zack, but how tired I am. I spend a few blissful moments in the dark, and then the truth invades my mind like a tidal wave. My eyes fill, but I drive the moisture back, internally shouting myself down. I realize that, unless Kendall told her, my mother doesn't know. I groan and head out to the living room, limping on my hurt foot and still in my pajamas. There is still a dull pain in my wrist, and I suppose that I'll have to see a doctor today.

When I open my door, I'm looking at my feet. But when I raise my eyes, I cry out.

"Good morning, Katie," my mom says as she pours a glass of orange juice for Zack, who is seated on the couch with a plate of bacon and eggs. She is still pouring his drink, but when she looks up, she gasps.

"Katie, what in heaven's name happened to your face?" she asks, alarmed. I ignore her question, my gaze still upon the…_thing_ sitting on the couch.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him heatedly, crossing my arms. My wrist hurts ferociously when I bend it, and he smiles in confusion, creasing his eyebrows.

My mother prods, "Katie, what happened-"

"I _said_," I begin, glaring at him. "What are you doing here?" My mom looks at me in bewilderment, obviously bemused at my behavior. She goes into the kitchen silently, taking the orange juice with her and looking behind herself until she disappears.

"What do you mean?" he asks, standing up and setting his plate on the table. I take a step back when he starts to walk to me. "I mean, I know we fought and all, but I said I was sorry yesterday."

My mouth gapes open in utter shock; can he really believe that a hug and a kiss will solve all of our problems? I pray silently that Kendall does not wake up, or any of the guys for that matter. They'll only cause a ruckus.

"_YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST_-" I shout, then lower my voice. "You think you can just come here after what you did to me?"

He steps toward me again, and I flinch. "Katie, I'm sorry."

I have no idea what to say.

"Get out of here." Zack spins to see the person who has spoken, and I look around him to see Kendall standing outside his door. "Didn't you hear me? Get. Out. Quick, before I beat the-"

"What's _he_ doing here?" I hear another voice ask, and turn to see Carlos leaving his room. His face is just as angry as Kendall's.

"I, uh, came to apologize," Zack explains, clearing his throat. "What happened yesterday…it wasn't my fault."

My brain pounds with anger at his words; he can't possibly say that it was my fault. I clench my fists at my sides and step toward him.

"Yes, it was," I say in a deathly-low voice, narrowing my eyes. "Get out of here."

For the first time, his face changes from apologetic to angry. "Really? You think it was my fault?"

"Yeah!" I hear Logan exclaim. So much for keeping the guys from causing a ruckus.

Zack turns from one of my brothers to the other. "She's a slut! She kissed James! So it's her fault!" He pauses for a moment, fuming, before rounding on Logan. "How about you get out of our damn business?"

For some reason his words stir an intense, furious reaction inside of me. I realize with slight shock that it is because of his words, so much like the ones James used on the night of the scandal. I have no idea why this makes me so angry, but it does all the same.

"_Get out of our damn business!"_ I remember, and my brain goes fuzzy.

When this sentence runs through my mind, I can't control my anger, and I let out a wordless shriek as I lunge at him. I tackle him to the floor, and I don't care that my brothers are watching, or that my mother's in the kitchen, or that Zack will probably kill me for this. I beat at his chest, not really punching him. I scream at him, not forming coherent phrases, and begin crying as I do so. He shields his face, but I'm not planning on going anywhere near it; I just want to rip out his heart.

I glance at the guys, who are watching me with shocked looks on their faces, and then back down at the boy under me. He begins fighting back, and flips me over, hitting me, when I hear my mom scream, "WHAT ARE YOU _DOING_?"

His lands a fist on my nose, and fresh blood pours over my face. I spit the scarlet liquid out as it gets in my mouth, and leaves a metallic taste behind. I try to buck him off, and see the guys rushing towards us. I realize with slow understanding that it has only been five seconds since he got on top of me, even though it feels as if we've been like this for minutes.

Kendall reaches us first, hauling Zack off of me with only a swipe of his arm. I take a deep breath, grateful for the sudden absence of his weight on my chest. I see James's door open out of the corner of my eye, and he doesn't hesitate before hurrying over. My mom is standing at the kitchenette's doorway, clutching a rag in her hands with a horrified look on her face.

I get up off of the floor slowly, my ankle making a sickening popping sound as I do so. I don't care, however, and run at Zack again, fresh rage filling me when he lands a blow on Kendall's chest. Carlos grabs me from behind, and I shout at Zack, calling him every name under the sun and crying. I struggle against Carlos's grip, but he doesn't let me go.

James goes at Zack, grabs him by the shirt, and slams him up against the front door. I don't even care that my ankle is throbbing, or that my nose is bleeding. I just want to see James beat the crap out of him.

James is up in his face now, his nostrils flaring. "So, you thought you could come back, huh? Thought you could come back and hit Katie again? I figured my warning was clear enough last night, but…" he trails off, before pulling back his arm and hitting Zack's face. James gets a grip on Zack's collar again, lifting him off of his feet. He suddenly drops the black-haired boy, whose eyes are as wide and terrified as my mother's. James makes a disgusted noise in the back of his throat. "I can't even think of what to do to you…and you aren't worth going to jail for."

Kendall walks over to them. "I beg to differ," he says calmly and then kicks Zack in the groin. I feel extreme pleasure at this, because between Kendall and I, he probably won't ever be able to have children. He pulls Zack's head up by his hair.

"If you ever come near Katie, hell, any of us, again, I swear you'll be sorry you were born."

Zack looks at me then, and I can see the boy that I fell in love with in those blue eyes. They are innocent, pleading, and sad. For a moment I feel sorry for him, but then I remember how he dared hurt me, and my family.

"Katie?" he asks, his lip quivering. "Just-just explain, please. Tell them that we love each other."

I regard him with a cold stare. Then I turn to Kendall, who is waiting as attentively for my reaction as Zack is. "Throw him out the door, big brother."

Kendall nods. "I'd love to." He opens the door and pauses. "Is there anything you'd like to add, Katie?"

I walk over to them, stopping in front of the boy who has dominated my life for the last few months. The boy who has hurt me for such a long time. The boy who has caused me to isolate myself from my family, and keep everything bottled in.

"Remember the first time you hit me, Zack?" I ask, not really wanting an answer. "How you just slapped me because I wouldn't have sex with you? It was because I rejected you, right? And you're one of those guys who can't stand rejection." I pause, keeping my eyes on him. His eyes widen, probably in fear at what Kendall will do. "Well," I begin, feeling a completely humorless smile spread over my face. "Consider yourself re-rejected." And with that, I slap him, and the déjà vu is overwhelming. This is exactly like that first night he'd hit me, as if we'd switched places. He is playing the part of me, and I am the in the role of abusive boyfriend. For a moment, just a small sliver of a second, I hate myself for it. But then I see the look of approval on Kendall's face, and know that I have done the right thing.

"It's time for you to leave," Kendall says after a moment. He opens the already adjacent door even wider, and shoves Zack into the hall, where he lands, looking at me as if I've betrayed him.

…

**I love Katie's little monologue, and I promise that this will be the last we see of such violence, okay? Also, to people who recommended going to the doctor, she didn't do it after because she wanted to be alone, didn't even think of it. The next chapter will tie up those loose ends.**

**And the beastiest lines ever (according to my older sister Haile): "Throw him out the door, big brother." and "Consider yourself re-rejected."**

**And thanks to my loyal reviewers ToriKinzLovesBTR, unthinkable13, itxdeexdork (i think that;s how you spell it..?), and many others. Your reviews keep me going!**


	31. Talking To Mom

**You guys asked for Mama Knight's reaction- it's not very much. But I still like it.**

Kendall slams the door in Zack's face, and what just happened finally sinks in.

My mom, still standing at the kitchen doorway, rushes over to me with tears running down her face.

"Katie?" she asks me. "What's going on?" She twists the dishrag in her hands more, her knuckles straining against the skin on the back of her hand. I take it from her gently, and lead her silently to the couch.

I don't explain everything, exactly; I know she heard the main detail of it only a moment ago, but I can't bring myself to describe the night of the first hit, the night that my life was forever altered. Silent tears flow down her face, making black tracks and giving her raccoon eyes. I drop my eyes when I tell her about a few days ago, when Zack found out about James and I kissing, but I explain vividly just the same. By the end, I'm crying just as much as her, and I notice that the guys are still in the room. They just stand a few feet behind the back of the couch, looking forward. I am turned sideways to tell Mom what's happened, giving me a clear view of their reactions. They all have their hands clasped behind their backs, looking more like a group of Secret Service Agents at a slumber party than a group of boys listening to their little sister's horrifying story.

James flinches and swallows, hard, when I mention Zack pulling out the magazine. Kendall tilts his chin slightly up, blinking back tears, when I relate the story of my head getting slammed onto the dashboard of Zack's car. Carlos bursts into tears when I tell my mother about his and Logan's suspicions, and how I lied to them.

Logan, though, Logan just stares forward for the majority of my story. When I'm done, and he still hasn't shown any kind of response, I am a bit confused.

My mom sits there for a minute, looking at her hands, and then asks, "About what you said when you slapped…_Zack_." The last word is barely audible through her clenched teeth. "Was that- when did it-"

"It was the night of my birthday," I say to her, my eyes on the coffee table. "After we…after we left the party we went into his place…and we were kissing. I was just starting to think that things were moving to fast when he tried to- tried to put his hand up my dress." I pause again, gathering my breath and trying to hold in the sobs that are threatening to interrupt. "I told him no, that I was waiting until marriage…and then he _slapped_ me."

"Oh, _Katie_," she says, placing a hand over her mouth, her eyes shining. "Sweetie, why didn't you-"

She is interrupted by an inhuman sound, and I whirl to find the source. What I see is perplexing, and at first my eyes do not comprehend it.

The dreadful howl we heard only moments ago came from Logan, who is leaned against the wall now. He slides down the wall, putting his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. He's crying quite hard, and I am completely baffled; last night it was only a few tears, but these are downright sobs. It breaks my heart when his crying begins to cease, the lonely echo of his hitched breathing the only sound in the room. I get up silently, my mother looking after me.

I walk around the couch and squat down in front of him. He's still got his face in his palms, breathing raggedly. I tug his arm gently away.

I realize something then, something that I think I've always known deep down: _I am the one who has to be strong for this family_. No matter what happens, now matter who gets hurt, I have to be strong, because they aren't as tough as me. I didn't realize how much this would affect my brothers, how one boy causing me pain could eventually bring four boys to tears. I didn't think that they would react this strongly. Love for them swells in my chest.

When I pull his arm away, he sniffles and looks up at me. He stares, probably at my deformed features; puffy, black eyes, busted lip, and a swollen nose. He wipes his face with his arm.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I don't know what made me do that. You're the one who should be sad." At his last words, he gives a little, sad Logan-chuckle.

"And I am," I allow, grabbing both of his wrists, feeling mine protest shrilly but not caring. "But I am going to try to be strong for all of us."

He nods in the childlike way that Carlos did last night, believing everything I say.

Then they all are suddenly gathered around me. I grab Logan's hands and stand him up, and then everyone has their arms around each other. I can't tell who is who in this group embrace, but I'm pretty sure that the arms wrapped tightly around my waist are James'.

**Soo, I wrote this AFTER the stuff I wrote after this...(does that make sense?) I just figured out that you guys wanted Mama K's reaction and such.**


	32. Who Are You Taking?

**This is about two weeks later. And I already know what is happening at the end, even the day I'll post it. And if you can figure out the television reference at the end I will spill the deets on when it comes out. :)**

"Carlos, can you hand me the stereo remote?" I ask my best friend as he lounges beside me on my bed.

"Why can't you do it?" he whines. I raise my shoulders and gesture at my elevated ankle.

"You know the doctor said for me to stay off of it! Get going!" I push him off of the bed, and hear him land on the other side with a grunt. I giggle at him, and he pops up.

"I hate you." I roll my eyes.

"Just get the remote," I tell him, looking back down at the book in my lap. Carlos walks across the room and grabs the remote, before turning to toss it to me. I hold up my hand, which is in a cast, to deflect it. I roll my eyes again.

"Hello! Crippled kid here!" I exclaim, exasperated. I reach across my stomach to retrieve the black remote with my good arm.

"Yeah, how much longer are you going to be disabled for?" he asks me, stretching out on my bed again. "Because the rest of us are getting tired of waiting on you. Well," he adds, snorting, "except for _James_."

He is right; in the two weeks since the last time I saw Zack, since I cut him out of my life forever, James has been by my side almost constantly. I think he feels bad about not knowing what was going on for so long. Carlos, being his assumptive self, thinks otherwise.

"Not again," I groan. "Carlos, don't start. The last time you said that something was a 'sign', I ended up getting my heart broken, fighting a complete tramp, having my personal business invaded by paparazzi, and getting into an abusive relationship." He flinches at my last words, but I don't respond. "I think that I've had enough for awhile."

"Sorry," he says, looking glumly at the bedspread. He mumbles to himself, saying something like, "How someone can be so _blind_…"

I shake my head at him. I look again at the book in my lap, but I cannot concentrate. I'm tremendously tired, having had nightmares for the past few weeks, and my brain keeps getting fuzzy. My eyes begin to close, and my head droops.

"…so who are you taking to the Fall Ball?" Carlos is asking as my head snaps up. I glower at him, and he shrinks back. The Fall Ball is in three weeks, and I haven't even thought about it until now.

"Sometimes you are completely clueless," I say with a sigh, and put my face in my good hand.

"You need some extreme sleep," he says to me, putting a pillow behind my back. "Did you have another nightmare last night?"

I nod, and he looks concerned. "It's fine," I say, waving a dismissive hand. "I'll be okay."

"Was it about…_him_ again?" he asks me, timid in his approach to the sensitive subject.

"Aren't they always?" I ask. He nods in understanding, putting an arm around my shoulders. I've spent the time since the fight in the apartment, and haven't even seen Zack for two weeks. But yesterday Jo informed me that he and his parents checked out of the Palm Woods after my mom talked to his. I was immensely embarrassed at the thought of my mother confronting his about this awful situation, but I'd take anything as long as it meant that he was leaving.

I come back to the current moment, and Carlos is again talking about me needing sleep.

"Here," be says, grabbing the stereo remote from me. "Let's turn on some relaxing music and lie down." He presses the next button, and my iPod switches to "Crying", by Sugarcult. Its fast, aggressive sound is anything but relaxing.

"Take two," he mutters, and presses the button again. The song is Augustana's "Coffee and Cigarettes", and mellow enough that he puts the remote down on the bedspread.

I lie back, and try to clear my mind. I imagine an ocean, and before I can even think of the sound of the waves crashing against the shore, I fall into a dreamless sleep beside my best friend.

…..

The posters lining the Palm Woods lobby are ugly and in-your-face. The scarlet letters scream, "WHO ARE _YOU_ BRINGING TO THE FALL BALL?", a picture of Bitters pointing at the onlooker like Uncle Sam in those old posters. The background is a deep, mustard-yellow color that can only compare to vomit. All in all, it pretty much does the opposite of its purpose, causing revulsion to stir in my veins rather than excitement.

Someone nudges me from the side, and I realize that I've been staring at the poster for little over a minute.

"So," begins Jo, the nudger, as I look over at her. "Who _are_ you taking to the Fall Ball?" I tip my eyes up at her, sighing.

"Are you kidding?" I ask her. "You really think I'm going?"

"Well," she begins, looking at the poster. "You're off of your crutches, you're out of your cast, and you're black eye is gone. In fact," she says, looking me over, "you look quite stunning today, Katie."

I roll my eyes at my brother's girlfriend; sometimes she's almost as clueless as Carlos, which is surprising considering her being the co-valedictorian along with Logan. _Not that they had much to choose from_, I think with a giggle, remembering that there were about fifteen kids in the graduating class that year.

"Katie," she says, waving a hand in front of my eyes. I snap to attention, and she speaks again. "A trusted source told me that James has been being nice to you…" she trails off, wiggling her eyebrows.

I huff at her. "A: He'll be performing, and B: didn't I tell you to stop talking to Carlos when I'm not in the room?"

She winks. "It was Kendall." Even though I'm slightly annoyed, I laugh. "Plus, he won't be performing the entire time." I shake my head.

"But seriously," I say to her. "James and I are just…" I taper off and try to think of a word to properly describe our relationship. Friends? Siblings? "Friends," I say, deciding that the latter sounds too weird.

"Uh-huh," she says with a smirk. The elevator door opens, and I see Kendall come out. Jo skips merrily to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and saying, "I love you." I stick a finger down my throat, pretending to vomit, and turn back to the poster on the wall. I hear Jo whispering to Kendall, and can make out the words 'Fall Ball' and 'James'.

"We're just friends!" I exclaim over my shoulder, folding my arms across my chest.

"Who's just friends?" I hear James say from behind me, and I spin

around, a blush creeping into my cheeks.

"They've got into their head that I like-" I stop and look around, before spotting a familiar redhead running by. "-Tyler!" I exclaim, exuberant that I could come up with a name.

"Why would they think that?" he asks. "I know that you're probably not recovered from…you know, and probably don't want to date anyone. Or _need_ to." He pauses, looking around himself. "Hey, if anyone tries to bother you about the dance…just tell me, okay. I don't want you to get hurt again." What he says makes me realize that I actually had a little hope stored inside me, but it all goes down the drain when he tells me this. He doesn't want anyone to ask me to the dance, much less himself.

"I will," I say with a fake smile, nodding. He returns the nod, grinning briefly, and walks over to Kendall.

I sigh and look at the poster a last time, before walking out to the pool. Jo follows behind me, and immediately starts asking questions when I sit on a lounge chair.

"What'd he say?" she asks, biting her lip in excitement.

"He wanted to make sure that no one bothered me about the dance. He said that I don't need to date anyone right now."

Her face drops slightly, and I'm confident that the matter is closed.

…..

"What is _that_?" I ask Jo later that day, after she knocks on the door and I answer. I eye the piece of clothing in her arms.

"_This_," she begins, a sly smile forming on her features, "is your Fall Ball dress." I gape at her, feeling a tad miffed, seeing as how I informed her that I wasn't going. She pushes past me and into the apartment, looking around to see if anyone else is here.

"Mom's at the grocery store. The guys are in the studio," I explain. I tuck a lock of my hair behind my ear and follow her, to wherever the hell she's headed. She enters my room without a word.

Once I have joined her in the room, she shuts the door quickly, and spins around to face me.

I give her a questioning look, but she just shoves the dress at me. "Try it on." I just look at the jumble of fabric, trying to figure out how she has misinterpreted my words from earlier. She sighs and shoves me into the bathroom, beginning to pull my shirt over my head. I would laugh at this attack, but it's not funny at the present moment.

"Hey- what're you- ow!" I exclaim as the cotton of my Fall Out Boy shirt catches the stud in my ear. She unhooks it, proceeding to strip the rest of my shirt off. She goes at the button of my jeans, but I stop her. "I think I can do that myself. Jeez!" I huff and pull off my pants.

She pushes the dress over my head impatiently, and in the twenty seconds that she's been here, she's managed to force a dress over my head, something I swore today wouldn't happen.

I blow my hair out of my face as she spins me to face her. She looks me up and down, an enthusiastic smile stretching over her face.

I turn to the mirror, jerking out of her grasp. The warm brown silk has a layer of lace over it, and the bottom is bunched irregularly. It's strapless, not showing off too much cleavage. I have to admit that I like it…but there's no point liking a dress that I'm never going to wear.

I turn to her. "The dress is lovely," I tell her, and twist my back towards her. "But unzip me, cause I'm not wearing this." Her expression gets less excited, and she gives me a look of disbelief.

"B-But why?" she asks me. "It's gorgeous, Katie!" I sigh and throw the dress over my head, knowing that she's not going to be unzipping it any time soon. I leave the bathroom, starting towards my bedroom to get some other clothes, completely forgetting about the t-shirt and jeans lying on the bathroom floor. I hear Jo's footsteps behind me.

I rummage through my dresser for a moment, and then pull out a pair of lounging pants and a plain cotton shirt. When I finally look at Jo, she has her arms crossed and is tapping her feet.

"What?" I ask defensively, sitting down on my bed. She walks over to me, arms still folded over her teal silk camisole.

"'_What_'?" she asks, flinging her arms suddenly outward. "Well, let's see: I went out to get you a beautiful dress and now you won't even wear it!"

"Jo," I begin, closing my eyes. I hold up my hands, palms toward her. "You know I can't go to the dance."

"And why the hell not?" she asks. I am shocked at her language; I've only heard her swear a handful of times in my life, the most recent being when she called James a bastard after the viral video incident.

"Because," I mumble, and look down. I feel tears well in my eyes.

She sits beside me. "Oh," is all she says. She wraps an arm around my shoulders, and I grab the hand draped by my ear.

"Yeah," I say, and wipe at my cheeks.

"But, Katie, you can't let him ruin your life. You've got to move on." What she says makes me mad, and I stand up quickly. She looks up at me, shocked.

"Easy for you to say!" I shout at her, completely losing myself in anger. "You have a wonderful boyfriend who's never hurt you physically." Tears are falling freely now, and I shake with rage. "You've never been punched by the boy you love, or slapped, or kicked, or _beaten_!" I spin to face the wall, and put a hand over my mouth. "You've never been slapped because you wouldn't go all the way with a guy, you've never been punched in the stomach for complaining about food, and you've never had your head slammed into a dashboard! So just shut the hell up, Jo! You don't know what it feels like, so just leave me alone and let me take my time!" As I finish, a sob wracks my body.

"I can't say that any of that has ever happened to me," I hear her say quietly. When I turn around, she is looking at her hands, and a tear drops to them. "But, Katie, you have a family, friends, a life, for goodness sakes. Don't throw it all away because of that bastard."

"But I can't just forget about it!" I exclaim fiercely. "I can't just try to push it off like a bad memory! It's burned into my brain, and every time I close my eyes I see his face when he was choking me!" She draws an intake of breath, and I realize that no one knows about him trying to practically kill me, even Carlos. She is crying more now.

"_Choking_ you, Katie?" she asks tearfully. "Oh, no, Katie, I'm so sorry!" She gets of the bed hurriedly and flies over to me, enveloping me in a hug. I cry on her shoulder. "Oh, why didn't you tell anyone that he tried to- tried to kill you?"

"Because," I say. "It was on the day that you guys found out, right before James came in. I didn't even remember that you guys didn't know."

"I'm so, so sorry," she says, her voice muffled by the fabric of my shirt. She pats my back.

I pull out of the embrace and sniff, wiping my nose. "Sorry for getting all emotional there…must be that time of the month again."

She shakes her head. "You had every right to. I can't believe what he did to you…it just blows my mind!"

I nod sadly. "That's exactly how I felt when it was happening," I say to her.

We stand in silence for a long time, neither of us saying anything. Then I walk to the bathroom, leaving her to stare after me quizzically. I am fed up with this crying and sadness, and have decided to do something about it.

I take off my clothes again, and slip the dress over my head. I look in the mirror one last time, striking a pose for myself, and almost smile. I prance back into my room, where Jo gapes at me. I giggle lightly.

"What?" I ask her. "I have to go model it. Take me to the runway, Ms. J!" She actually laughs at this, and I realize why a second after, remembering the transsexual on America's Next Top Model.

"Wait!" I say. Looking around my room, I rush to my closet. After thrusting the door open, I pick up a pair of brown, sparkly flats. I look around for earrings, and find a pair that have a brown stone encased in sterling silver. I take out my studs and put these in. Jo watches, interested, as I slip on the shoes. "Got to accessorize!" I say, sounding like such a girly girl that the blonde observing me laughs.

I hook my arm through hers and lead her through the doorway to the living room. She pulls out her phone and takes pictures of us together. I pretend to preen on the catwalk, flipping my hair and turning as she takes solo pictures. The happy feeling in me now is dramatically different from the sadness from a moment ago, and I smile even wider.

Right in the middle of strutting my stuff, the guys come in.

I freeze. I am facing them, still in my model position, and I blush wildly. The guys just stand there for a moment.

"Katie, you look fantastic!" Kendall exclaims, ecstatic. His declaration warms my heart, mostly because of the happy look on his face. I realize that he hasn't looked this happy for a while, and I feel sorry for all of the worry I've cause my older brother.

"Thanks!" Jo exclaims from behind me. I look over my shoulder at her, rolling my eyes. "Well, I picked the dress out!"

Kendall smiles, wiggling his eyebrows. "Well, I hope _you_ pick up something nice for the Fall Ball…I won't be able to keep my hands off of you."

"I'm not even going!"

I turn to her. "Oh, yes you are!" I exclaim. "You made me put on this freaking dress, so you're going with me!"

"So you're going?" she asks, her face brightening up immediately.

"I suppose so." I sigh, and drop my hands to my side.

For the first time, I look at James. What I see shocks me.

His mouth is agape, eyes wide, staring at me. Logan and Carlos have already moved onto something else, but he is still looking at me. I shift uncomfortably; I don't know what to think of the look on his face.

He suddenly smiles. "You do look great," he says. I feel heat spread all over my body, from my head to my toes. "But are you sure you're gonna go?"

I open my mouth, and then close it. "Yeah," I say after thinking for a moment.

"Are you sure you want to do that?" His face is doubtful.

"Yes!" I exclaim, on the verge of annoyance.

He takes a step toward me and says, "I think you should consider not going."

This sends a shock through me. I know that he said I didn't need a date; but to flat out insist that I not go is ridiculous.

"And I think that I have considered it," I begin heatedly. "I'm going. As Jo just told me, I can't let-" I swallow before choking out, "-Zack ruin the rest of my life. I'm going to the dance."

"But-"

"I'm going, and you're not going to stop me," I stand there, almost daring him to say something else. Everyone else files out of the room, and once again I marvel at their frequent abandonment of James and I.

"So," I say when they're gone. "What's your deal lately?"

He flips his hair. "Deal?" he says in denial. "Psht, what deal? I don't have a deal." I cross my arms and raise an eyebrow. When he sees my look, he says, "What?"

I throw my hands into the air. "Do you really think that I haven't noticed how weird you've been acting? How you've been being super-protective of me and been helping me with everything?" He doesn't speak, so I continue. "Are you just really guilty or something?"

"I-I-I don't know. Maybe," he offers up, but it's not of much help. I sigh.

"James, seriously. What's up with you?"

He looks down. "I have no clue. Believe me, if I did, I'd tell you."

I roll my eyes in exasperation. He notices it, and huffs.

"Damn, Katie, can't you ever just let things _be_?" he explodes, his anger making a sickening, surprised feeling curl in my stomach. Tears prick my eyes, and I just look at him. "All you do is analyze my every move. '_Does he love me_? _Does he hate me_?' Don't think I don't hear some of the conversations you and Carlos have, like when you guys are in the bathroom and I'm five feet away. Why do you have to do that, Katie? Just let things be!" He pauses, heaving an angry sigh, but he's not done. "I mean, no _wonder_ Zack-" He stops himself before he says the rest, but I know what he was going to finish with. No, no, no, I think. He didn't just say that he didn't just say that he didn't. His face is appalled and regretful as he steps toward me. "Katie, I-I didn't mean-" he begins, but I do not let him finish. My vision is cloudy, my mind is foggy, and my face burns with shame and anger. I clench my teeth and feel one of the tears spill over my eyelid.

"_I HATE YOU_!" I shriek, a gut-wrenching sob tearing at my insides and threatening to escape my mouth. "I _HATE_ YOU, JAMES DIAMOND!" I suck in a deep breath, and take in his face, which is disbelieving and heartbroken. I can't think of anything but this misery, this shame, this fury that is boiling inside me now. I rake my fingernails lightly against my face and turn to the side, my neck straining with the effort to hold back the screams I so desperately wish to release. "I mean, do you have a heart in that cave you call a chest?"

He bites the inside of his cheek. "Katie, I'm sor-"

I hold up a hand. "Just shut up! You say that you're tired of the way _I_ act, but you're worse! All you do is disappoint me, again and again, and lead me on! And now this- now that you actually started to suggest that it's my fault that Zack hit me- I actually hate you, James." I can't honestly think of anything else to say, so I turn and sprint to my room. I hear Kendall come out of his room and question, "James, what the hell have you done now?"

I slam my door behind me, and slide down the back of it. There are too many fists banging on the door, knocking against my head. I feel a sickening sense of déjà vu, and stand up. I fling myself onto my bedspread, facedown.

The door bursts open. I can't understand the jumbled words; apparently everyone has decided to join me in here.

Then Carlos shouts, and his words are so painfully familiar that my breath catches in my throat: "Everyone but James- GET OUT!"

But this time I do not keep my face pressed into the comforter. This time I do not wait to feel James sit on the bed. This time I will not let him trick me into thinking that he cares.

I stand, and I think that maybe I have entered the twilight zone. It's as if I've ventured into an alternate universe, one where I choose not to confront my problems with James.

"No," I begin slowly, and then point at the door. "Everyone, _especially_ James- get out!" They stand, shocked at my demand. Logan and Kendall are the first to leave, perhaps because they understand that I need to be alone. Carlos follows soon afterward, hanging his head and slumping his shoulders, dragging his feet along the ground.

James stands in front of me, his eyes wide and surprised. "Katie, we need to talk-"

"Don't you remember what I said, James?" I ask him, but of course he doesn't. That was months ago, and he probably doesn't remember the details. "'There's nothing to talk about'. That's what I said that night." I turn away from him, trying to communicate that he needs to leave. I hear his soft footsteps, but they come closer instead of retreating. A hand touches my shoulder from behind, and I jolt forward, knocking things off of my nightstand. I haven't been able to stand that kind of touching since Zack left.

I turn to face James, where he stands, shocked. I know that I should tell him that he didn't do anything wrong, but I take a secret satisfaction in the guilty look on his handsome face. His eyes, those eyes that I could gaze into all day, are ashamed.

"Go away," I tell him, and turn from him again. I expect to hear him leave. I expect the soft clunk of his Converse on the hard floor.

But there is no sound.

"Get. Out," I say between gritted teeth. I ball my hands into fists at my side. He finally reacts after a few moments.

"No."

I whirl to face him, my brown hair whipping across my face as I do so. I look him dead in the eye. "Didn't you hear me? Leave!" I gesture towards the door. "Get your ass out of here!" I can think of nothing but how angry I am with him. My face is an inferno.

He steps forward, planting his feet more firmly on the ground. He crosses his arms, looking at me seriously. "I said no. You need to hear me out-"

My eyes widen in disbelief. "Oh, really? _I_ need to hear _you_ out? You were fine with not explaining things a minute ago. But now you want me to 'hear you out'?" I run my tongue along the inside of my cheek, looking at the ceiling now. "Well, instead of 'hearing you out', I'll do you one better: I'll throw you out." I pause, and then calmly walk over to him. His face is pleading, begging for one more chance, and for a millisecond I want to give in.

But I don't.

I grab James by the back of his v-neck, pulling him to the door. He doesn't budge, but I put all of my strength into it. When he still doesn't move, I start beating at his chest desperately, subsiding into tears when I still fail at getting him out of my room. I collapse onto his torso, and he wraps his arms slowly around me. This has been the most stressful month of my life, almost as bad as the ones where Zack was abusing me. Trying to cope with the maltreatment isn't as easy as movies make it out to be. The heroine doesn't run into another man's arms and get whisked away on a white horse; she becomes an emotional wreck who breaks down every once in a while, until she begins coming apart.

He pats my back. "Shhhh, it's gonna be alright." He rubs small circles, and my crying tapers off into a series of breathy hiccups. I pull away from the muscular arms.

"Can you just go?" I ask, looking at the floor. I shuffle my feet, and can imagine the look on his face.

"But, I thought you-"

"Just go," I whisper. A tear falls to the floor, and another follows, splashing onto the surface of his lace-ups.

This time what I expect does happen. He retreats slowly out the door, but I don't look at him, just wait until he is gone so that I can lie down on my bed.

Only one thought runs through my mind the entire time, repeating itself like an old, scratchy record.

_Where do we go from here?_

I honestly don't know the answer.

….

**Just thought of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode, **_**Once More With Feeling**_**. If you can figure out why I'll tell you the day that the last chapter will be published.**


	33. Piggyback Ride

**So this is kind of a short chapter, but I need to explain;**

**Okay, since none of you understood why I thought of Buffy, it was because Katie thought 'Where do we go from here?', AKA the last track from the Buffy musical, Once More With Feeling.**

**So anyways, I'm going to publish the last chapter, an epilogue, and an author's note at the end (which you'll REALLY want to check out)on my birthday, October 1st. I'm so excited, and I have this and one more chapter to publish before the 1st. My older sister has already finished it, and I'm not going to tell you how she reacted, because you'll know the outcome:)**

**And one last thing: this is really a pet peeve of mine. Please please don't tell me what to do with my story. It bothers me. Sure, recommendations are fine, but saying that James needs a secret sister is just ridiculous to me. And I don't mean to offend anyone who did tell me something like that, just please refrain from doing so in the future.**

**Long A/N, now time for a semi-short chapter:**

"He's been in his room all day, and he won't come out," Kendall tells me when I let him in the next day. He takes a seat on my bed and takes in my reaction.

"So?" I ask, shrugging. "Why would I care?"

Kendall sighs. "He's sorry, Katie, for whatever he did, and now he's staying in his room because you won't talk to him." He stops for a moment, picking at a loose thread on his drawstring sweatpants. "Which, by the way, what did he do?" he asks.

I look down and shake my head. "It's not important. What's important is that I'm done with James Diamond."

"But, Katie," he begins, scratching his arm uncomfortably. "You can't just- you know…be _done_ with him. You live in the same apartment."

"So I'll have to be careful," I allow. "It doesn't matter, because I'm. Not. Talking to him." I look down at the music magazine in my lap, trying to focus on the article about Brendon Urie's solo project. It's not long before two long fingers appear at the top of the page and lower it.

I narrow my eyes. "Please let me read this. Just leave me alone about James, for goodness sake!" I snatch the issue of SPIN out of his reach and set it on my bedside table, knowing I'll never be able to concentrate on it now.

Kendall holds up his hands in defeat. "Fine, whatever! But I'm almost tired of hearing you two yell at each other." This makes me mad.

"Well, it was kind of necessary when James said it was my fault Zack hit me!" I exclaim heatedly, and then realize what I've said. _Why did I have to go and open my damn mouth?_ I think.

His mouth pops open, forming a large, round O-shape. He widens his eyes and gapes at me, furrowing his eyebrows. It takes a moment for it to really get to him.

"Please, please tell me you're joking." I shake my head solemnly, and he explodes. "I'm going to kill him!" Kendall tries to stand, but I pull him back onto the bed forcefully.

"You're not going anywhere," I tell him, letting go of his striped long-sleeved shirt.

"Yes, I am," he growls, seething. "I am going to James's room and I am going to kill him." He attempts standing again, only to have me jump on his back.

"Oh no, you are not." I try to suppress a giggle when he reaches a hand behind himself and fails to get me off. I can't hold it in, though, and burst out laughing. He rolls his eyes and shakes his hair out of his face.

"Katie, get off."

"No." I grin cheekily at him.

"Katie, get off."

I shake my head at him and giggle. I see a smile twitch at the corner of his mouth, which makes me laugh harder.

He sighs. "Fine then," he says, and starts out the door with me on his back. He walks through the living room with me on his back, right past Haile and Logan kissing on the couch. I think absentmindedly that they're almost as bad as Kendall and Jo these days.

To my surprise, Kendall isn't bluffing about going to talk to James with me on his back. He knocks twice on the door to James's room before I can even realize what's going on.

The door opens, and I can barely recognize my brother's best friend.

The only thing that does confirm that it's James is that he's shirtless, with his flawless physique on display to the world. But that's where the similarities begin and end; his eyes are bloodshot, and his mouth is pulled down in a grimace. His light brown hair, once soft and shiny, is now greasy and lackluster, hanging limply beside his face. But there's something more, something not visible and so astounding that it makes me give a start when I realize what it is.

I cannot smell one trace of 'Cuda products on the boy in front of me.

**3s the last line :)**


	34. Hugs and Confusion

**READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE END AFTER READING! IMPORTANT! And remember, this is the last chapter before October 1st, AKA Finale Day, as I'm calling it.**

"Dude," Kendall says, taking in James's appearance. "You need a shower and a breath mint." James scowls sadly at him, noticing me for the first time. His shoulders slump, and he turns around to drag himself back into his room, but Kendall grabs him. I climb off of his back.

"_What_?" James asks frigidly.

Kendall takes a step back. "What's wrong with you, man?" he asks James, who does not reply. "If anyone should be mad, it should be-"

"-Katie," James finishes for him, and nods. "Yeah, I know. I really messed it up with her. She hates me now." He frowns again, and I step away, edging toward my room…

"Hey, about that," Kendall begins, and reaches suddenly backward. He takes me by the neckline of my t-shirt, and pulls me forward. "Katie needs to talk to you. Like now." He shoves me inside James's room, where I fall into James, knocking us both over. I hear the door slam and the lock click, followed by the voices of Kendall and Carlos. I stand and bang on the door.

"YOU PLANNED THIS!" I shout through the door.

"You had to work it out someday," I hear Logan say matter-of-factly. "And this is your someday." I roll my eyes at his reference to their song. The sound of multiple high-fives can be heard through the door, and then only silence. I don't turn, just cross my arms and stare at the door. Out of my peripheral vision I see James hesitate.

He steps forward. "Katie…" I swivel to face him, my face

burning. I tap my foot on the ground.

"What, James?" I inwardly wince at the harsh tone of my voice. His smoldering brown eyes are full of hurt and remorse, and for the first time in a long time I remember why I fell in love with him in the first place; he's so passionate, so emotional and caring that I think there can be no one else on earth that is so intensely affecting as James Diamond.

"Katie, I'm sorry."

I try to resist the urge to come back with a sarcastic comment, and fail horribly. "Oh, now where have I heard that one before? Let's see," I say, ticking them off on my fingers. "James, James, James, Zack, James. Do you notice a persistent pattern here?" He flinches when I mention my ex-boyfriend, but I'm past the point of regarding his feelings with anything other than weariness.

"Well, what do you want me to say, then?" he asks softly, his voice husky and deep. "I have no idea what to do." He looks at the floor, running his bare foot over the carpet.

"You never do seem to," I snap at him. I laugh bitterly. "That's what you say almost every time you get in a sticky situation. 'I have no idea what to do'," I mock in a whiny voice. "'What am I supposed to do?'"

Instead of being angry, like I expect, he looks even more upset. "Katie, please, just listen!"

"And why should I, James?" I round on him, throwing my hands skyward.

"_MAYBE BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT YOU_!" he shouts. I am taken aback by his pronouncement. He lowers his voice before looking at me again. "Maybe because, even if I'm not in love with you, I still love you, whether or not it's the way you want." He looks around himself before continuing, "Maybe because I don't want to see you get hurt again!"

"James, I…" I trail off. "I didn't…"

"I mean," he starts, his voice hushed. His hair is falling down over his left eye as he keeps them on the carpet. "I still love you, Katie. You're practically my little sister."

He has said the completely wrong thing.

_I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR SISTER!_ my mind shouts, _I WANT YOU TO BE IN LOVE WITH ME!_ I marvel at my mind's sudden proclamation; I had no idea that I still had such strong feelings for James. He still doesn't get it, doesn't understand that that's not what I want to hear. My head spins, and I think dizzily, _I'll never be able to get over him, will I?_

Feeling detached from the rest of my body, my mouth utters, "I know. You're like my brother." The word feels foreign and strange slipping from my tongue, because I'm using it to describe James. He may have been my brother at one time, but since I was fourteen, he's been my everything.

His eyes widen, so slightly that I'm not sure if it wasn't a trick of the light. I can see why he'd be shocked; it's like me saying we went through all of this because I wanted him as a brother.

"Okay then," he says, his eyebrows bunching with the effort to understand. "So can we just get past all of this?"

I look at my hands. "Yes," I mumble. I want nothing more than to grab hold of him and shake him, and make him really explain why he doesn't love me.

"Okay," he says again, and holds out his arms. "Hug?" he asks gently, and I heartbreakingly adore the unsure tone of his voice. I step into his arms, and we stand there for a long time, neither of us speaking. There is a strange sort of finality in this hug, and I can't figure out what it means. He rubs his hand over my back, and I tremble. He pulls away and we look at each other for a moment.

He smiles slightly, but I don't do anything. I turn around and knock on the door. There is no response. I take the knob, twisting it slightly, and am surprised when it opens. They were probably listening, I think and roll my eyes. I love my brothers and everything, but I have zero privacy in this apartment.

I get halfway to my room before I realize something: I've just been screwed over…again. James always says we're going to talk about things, or I promise myself that I'll make us have an honest conversation, but we still haven't really spoken about anything important. Every time he just makes excuses, and I eat them up like candy.

As I enter my room again, I slap a hand to my forehead; I'm still as confused as I was when I got up this morning.

***Facepalm***

**And another A/N: There's something I really want you to do right now, if you'd be so kind. Go to my stories, and go to 'Heaven'. It's a oneshot, part of the hundred themes challenge, that is Katie/James. It's not what you'd expect though, and I REALLY want input. And take into account that it means NOTHING to the end of this story, that it COULD be a continuation but COULD be AU. So just read without this story in mind, except for maybe the beginnings to now.**

**I love you for reviews. They are like crack to me. And the person with the sister idea, it's okay for giving me ideas. You don't have to apologize :)**


	35. The Fall Ball

**I just realized that it really is Friday. (It's also my birthday!) **

It's Friday.

James and I haven't spoken all week; in fact, we've barely even seen each other. There is a dull ache in my chest and I know it's because James is no longer a part of my life. No words were said, but when we hugged the last time, there was a sense of ending. I don't think we'll ever be the same.

Jo arrived an hour ago to help me get ready for the dance. I tried to seem enthusiastic as she and Carlos did my makeup and hair, but my heart just wasn't in it.

_I miss him_. There, I said it.

Now I'm looking into the mirror, silently admiring their work. I swear that Jo and Carlos could be Hollywood's hottest makeup team.

They left me a while ago, to let me get my dress on, and so Jo could change into her gown. I think that they could tell that I didn't want company, that I wanted to be alone. But I constantly want to be alone these days. My whole world has crashed down around me, been set fire to, and paraded over by a brigade of occurrences that will leave me permanently altered. In other words, I don't feel like having a group of people around, asking if I'm all right when I'm clearly not.

I touch my cheek in the spot where Zack first hit me, and a thousand memories flood into my brain, knocking casually aside all the good things that have happened in my life. It's been a good month since the final beating, but the pain is still fresh in my mind. I still can't believe that I ever trusted him, that I would ever stay with such a monster; but I was in love, and love makes you do insane, stupid things that will just leave you sad and alone.

There is a knock on the door, and I jump slightly. I still haven't changed into the dress, which is hanging on the doorknob. I quickly grab it and hear Carlos call, "Are you ready yet?"

"Almost!" I exclaim, unzipping the brown dress and stepping swiftly into it. I hurriedly pull it up around my chest and slip my feet into the dark brown, sparkly flats. He calls through the door again, and I open it, turning my back towards him so he can zip me up. He rolls his eyes and obliges.

I notice for the first time the suit he has on. I cock an eyebrow.

"What?" he asks defensively. "Gustavo thinks we should take it in a more mature direction for tonight!"

"At a dance for teenagers?" I inquire doubtfully. He just shakes his head at me, smiling a little.

Jo pops out of nowhere, grinning brightly at me, oblivious to the fact that I'm miserable inside. "Wow, Katie!" she exclaims, her eyes shining. "You look stunning!"

"Thanks," I mutter. I don't care what I look like.

Carlos gives me a concerned look. We haven't been talking as much lately, but he's still my best friend, and he still knows when something's bothering me.

"You okay?" he murmurs out of the corner of his mouth when Jo turns to greet Kendall, while shooting a furtive glance around the room. I nod, a quick twitch of the head. He gives me an uncertain look, but I ignore it.

I note with little surprise that James is nowhere to be seen, even though Kendall and Logan are standing in the living room. I think about asking, and then decide against it.

"Where's James?" Carlos asks, and I nearly roll my eyes.

Kendall shrugs, looking quickly at me and then away. "I don't know. I think he's already headed down." I sigh somewhat in relief, and Carlos looks at me. Thankfully, this year the dance is at the Palm Woods, and therefore I won't have to sit in a car with him asking me questions. I can't deal with his inquiries right now.

"So," Logan begins, shoving his hands in the pockets of his slacks. Everyone stands in silence, the tension in the air tangible. Then Jo walks over to Kendall.

"Let's go, babe." He holds out an arm to her, which she takes and proceeds to pull him out the door. He grins at her and pecks her cheek, making me want to vomit at their display of affection.

Carlos steps toward me and holds out an arm, making me giggle lightly, despite how bad I feel inside. I take it and we walk out the door, where Haile waits expectantly for Logan. I figured that she would want to come, since he was performing, but she and Jo (and me, pretty much) are just going to stand and watch until they get a break.

This thought makes panic curl in my stomach; that's all I'm going to do, isn't it? Just stand by the punch bowl like someone out of a cheesy John Hughes movie and think wistfully of what could've been.

The dance is being held in the newly converted conference room on the first floor, and the ride down the elevator is silent. Jo occasionally takes a glimpse around the group of people bunched together, but remains mute.

When the elevator doors slides open with a whoosh, I step out quickly. The lobby isn't as crowded as I thought it'd be, and I look around. The door to the conference-room-turned-ballroom is already open, and once again, nervous dread makes itself known in my stomach.

I can see _him_.

He's just sitting on an amp that's been placed on the stage, his chin in his hands. He looks dashing in his suit, which is identical to the rest of the guys'. When I see him, something inside my chest begins hurting, for real. There's a lump in my throat, and my eyes feel prickly.

_No_, I scold myself. _It's over, Katie, and there's no use crying about it._ I wipe at my lids, hoping that none of my makeup smears. I take a quick peek into the reflective glass of the ballroom door, and see that I still look just as good.

Someone lays a hand on my shoulder, and I whirl to see Kendall. His glassy greens bore into my chocolate browns, worried.

"Don't worry," he tells me, a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth. "We've been through so much- don't let him break you." And with that, he kisses my forehead. I am shocked; he hasn't kissed me since I was maybe eight years old. He smiles full on and walks over to Jo. I realize then how lucky they are to have each other. They are both amazing people who deserve one another.

"ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!" a voice that I recognize as Bitters calls through the crowd. "PROCEED INTO THE BALLROOM! You're clogging up my lobby!" I roll my eyes and walk forward, a new confidence bestowed in me by my brother's words. I promise that I will stay optimistic tonight.

Everyone is excited for Big Time Rush tonight, and of course they begin with "Shot In the Dark", which I find ironic, because James is full of words unspoken, as am I.

_Optimistic_, I think at myself, and sigh.

So that's how I end up standing alone by the punch bowl, looking (just as I predicted) like a lonely Molly Ringwald waiting for her Jake Ryan to sweep her off of her feet. I kick at the leg of the table I'm leaning against, wishing that everything would topple off. I take a swig of punch and listen to my brothers and him croon about love and other things that make me want to hit something. I eye Tyler's little brother and decide against it; it would look bad if I took a swing at a thirteen-year-old kid. I slump my shoulders, misery washing over me; this is the way I'll be for the rest of eternity, alone and pining after James. I know I'm being overly dramatic, but it's different this time; there's no do-overs, not more conversations that will make it all better.

I am looking down at my feet again, arms crossed and punch in hand, when Big Time Rush begins a new song. I look up, unable to keep from cocking my head in wonder. I distinctly remember Kendall informing me that Gustavo would kill them if they performed anything new.

But this new song isn't upbeat; it's slow and somber, telling the story of a heartbroken girl. It strikes a chord inside me, makes a familiar feeling course through my chest. I shift uncomfortably at some of the lyrics, because they sound familiar: "_She sits in her room/ Won't let anyone in/ This girl's alone/ I'd do anythin'/ To find out what's on her mind_." But I completely freeze when the chorus begins.

The only thing I can hear is them singing my name, calling out to me with music. It deeply touches me and a few people glance at me. That moment is the most I've ever loved my brothers, and I've never felt closer to them. Jo's got her thousand-watt smile going, clapping along with the slow tempo. They all look directly at me, except for James. His hard expression makes me feel strange inside; maybe we will never be the same.

The song finishes a minute later, and I'm smiling broadly, tears threatening to spill over my lashes. I still can't believe that they wrote a song for me and performed it. I smile up at Carlos and Kendall, who are looking at me, and I see tears in their eyes, also. _I've never felt closer to them_, I think again, and almost smile, until I see the look on James's face again.

A hand is suddenly held out to me, and my eyes trail up the arm to see an extremely attractive boy asking me to dance. His soft blue eyes remind me of Zack, making me flinch, but his hair is blonde and he's very muscular.

"Would you like to dance?" he asks. I consider that for a moment. _Sure, I'd like to dance. But not with you_, I think, but it's no use. I'm going to have to forget James soon enough, so I might as well get it over with. In the back of my mind I know that it won't do anything, but I should at least try. I give this boy a quick once-over, trying to judge his character in less than ten seconds.

He seems nice enough, so I nod. "I'd love to." I smile at him halfheartedly, trying my best to seem bright. He takes my hand and leads me to the dance floor, BTR kicking up "Any Kind of Guy". The guy and I dance, and I don't even ask his name. It feels wrong, dancing with him, but I don't care; I'll do anything to take my mind off of James.

I glance up at the stage, to see Logan, Carlos, and Kendall giving me quizzical looks. James is staring forward again, that uncaring expression still settled on his handsome face. I flip my hair and turn back to my hottie, trying to seem indifferent; _who cares what they think_? But in my heart I know that I do care what they think.

The song comes to a close, and I see Big Time Rush get off of the stage. A DJ starts playing a slow song, one of my favorites. "Boston", by Augustana begins, slow and melancholy. I feel a twinge inside; I used to listen to this all the time before I told James I was in love with him, imagining him sweeping me into his arms as the chorus began. I cringe at the memory; _I can't escape thoughts of him, can I_?

The guys gather at the foot of the stage, peeking at me every few seconds. I know that nothing good can come of them all grouped together.

Twenty seconds into the first song, hottie-guy moves his hands slowly and inconspicuously lower down my back. My stomach turns uneasily- he seemed so nice a minute ago. I feel sick when his action cause vile recognition to stir in me, and I remember the night Zack reached a hand up my party dress.

"You wanna go upstairs?" he whispers in my ear. "My parents are in San Diego…" he trails off, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. He moves his hand even lower, onto my bottom, and I step away. _Boy I sure know how to pick 'em_, I think. His hand is still on my bottom, and I feel pressure gathering behind my eyes, my vision slightly blurring. I look around, seeing if Kendall and the guys are watching.

They are.

"Come on," he says. "Let's go have our own dance upstairs." He steps toward me and attempts to grab my arm, but I wrench it from his grasp. I will not have any more men grabbing me or touching me against my will.

"_WHY DO YOU ALL HAVE TO BE JERKS_?" I shout, on the verge of tears. I can only think about what great luck I have, to pick one that doesn't love me, one that hit me, and one that just wants to get me in bed. Shame and anger burn in my cheeks, and they darken even more when I notice all of the people staring at me. I turn and begin running toward the exit, to the doors that lead straight to the fresh air of the pool. The guy begins to shout something, and then decides I'm not worth it.

I hear Kendall call after me, and James ask what's wrong. But I keep running until I place a hand on the metal bar of the exit, opening the door and running out into the darkness. I am already crying, and on the inside I feel wretched. Tonight was supposed to be the night that I got over James and finally accepted the fact that he's never going to love me. But now I feel even worse than before. Why do things like this always happen to me?

I ponder all of the things that have happened in the past six months or so; I've been humiliated, tackled, harassed by photographers, heartbroken, and beaten, to name a few. The things that keep coming at me are not making me stronger, as you would think; I'm crumbling from the inside out, and I don't know how much more I can take.

_I should've known not to come_, I think bitterly. I cross my arms and face the pool. The outside speaker is spilling "Boston" into the night, and I can't help but once again think that dramatic music always follows me.

I turn briefly and see James staring at me through the door, looking as if debating something, while Kendall talks to him. I cock my head curiously, wondering what's going through his mind and feeling a sting when I look at his face; every time I see him I'm reminded again of what never was.

Then James seems to come to a decision and begins a full-out sprint towards the door, leaving Kendall to stare after him. I read Kendall's lips, and it looks like he says, _Where're you going?_ I can't even register what's happening, my mind is so confused and jumbled; is he coming out here to talk to me?

James reaches the door and thrusts it open, and I am about to turn around. I don't want him out here, not after what just happened; he and the guys get in my business way to often. I wonder what the hell he's doing as he runs to me and does something that I don't even have time to think about.

He picks me up in his arms as the music swells and the main chorus of "Boston" begins, just like he did on the night of the scandal. His determined, lovely face is no longer uncaring, but focused, illuminated blue by the reflection of the lights in the pool. I don't think; just feel as he presses his soft, warm lips to mine. I don't think as I put my hands on either side of his face, feeling his smooth skin under my fingers. I don't think as he lifts me higher, running a hand through my hair. Tears run down my face, left over from my brief fit over the guy inside.

We are like that for a long time, and I'm thinking that I've never felt so happy, so right with the world, as I do now with James. I don't bother to ask questions. I think that inside I know that this is for real, not some impulsive action that will garner much attention.

I suddenly do hear noise, but it's not the unwelcome click of cameras or fast-talking reporters. It's whistling, and when I glance out of the corner of my eye I see the guys, Carlos being the whistler. Kendall has his arms folded over his chest, but a small smile is on his face. Logan looks ecstatic also, and I notice that the girls aren't with them. So it's just us five, the end piano part of "Boston" slowly tapering off into nothingness.

James releases me and sets me down, his face serious but not cold. I am immensely relieved at this.

"Wh-" I begin, but he stops me.

"Katie," he begins. He laughs lightly and looks around. I think that it's nice to hear him laugh again, my mind still spinning about what just happened. "Wow, I don't even know how to say this, but…since the night you told me you loved me, I had thought that your crush was annoying and stupid, and completely weird." I raise an eyebrow.

"Fantastic beginning," I say, sarcasm marring my tone. Despite my less than enthusiastic tone, elation is running through me, kicking my adrenaline into high-gear.

"Let me finish," he says, holding up a hand. "But then, the night of the scandal, something changed. I didn't know what it was, I just felt so different about you. That's probably why I kissed you." He smiles a small smile and continues. "And I didn't realize what it was until I saw you with Zack. Hell, I didn't even realize it then. But I was jealous, I think." He laughs shakily and runs a hand through his hair. "And when I found Zack beating you…Katie, I…I fell in love with you. But still, I didn't pay any attention to what I was feeling."

My heart flutters inside my chest. _Can he really be saying what I've yearned for all these past months? Can he really be saying that he loves me?_ I don't really believe it; after all that I've been through- all that we've been through- I can't find it in myself to hope. It will hurt too much if he breaks me again.

"And when I told you that I loved you like a sister…it felt completely wrong, and I finally figured it out- I'm in love with you, Katie." My heart actually explodes this time, and I think that I've never been so joyful.

"You know what?" I ask quietly, suddenly looking down. "Even when I was with Zack, and even though I was in love with him…you were still there in the back of my mind. I've loved you since I was fourteen years old, James, and you don't know how bad I've wanted you to love me." A tear slips down my cheek and I reach up to wipe it off. I can't believe this is happening, can't believe that James actually loves me. I am soaring, and I think that if I wanted to I could fly over the moon.

"AWWW!" someone beside us explodes, and I see that the someone is Carlos. I roll my eyes and James laughs. Jo rushes out of the door, followed closely by Haile, and asks urgently, "What'd I miss?" Her eyes widen when she sees James and I smiling, and she puts a hand over her mouth.

Kendall steps forward, walking up to James. He stops and looks between the two of us. I love my brother, and know that he only wants to keep me safe; but I'm worried about what he's planning to say to James.

"You break her heart, I'll break your face," he says. James stands stock-still for a moment, and then Kendall claps him on the back, breaking out into a huge smile.

"Gee, thanks, Watts," I say to him sarcastically. Kendall nods at me.

"Anytime."

I turn to James, and wrap my arms around his neck.

He looks at me, shocked. "So, you still love me, Katie? I want to make up for all the pain I've caused you, but I'll understand if you-" I cut him off by pressing a finger to his lips. He grins cockily.

He snakes his arms around my waist and I get on my tiptoes. I kiss his lips again, and I hear Kendall groan. I pull away.

"Please tell me you guys won't be doing that all the time," he says, closing his eyes and rubbing the bridge of his nose. I laugh and turn back to James, who is smiling crazily. He grabs my hand, making my stomach flip. How can this beautiful person want to hold my hand?

"Hey, guys, could we have some privacy?" he asks them, and they nod. Carlos gives me a thumbs up on his way out the door, and I roll my eyes.

When they are gone, James puts his arm around my back and leads me over to the pool. I sit on the edge, slipping off my flats and dipping my feet in the cool water, my mind racing. He slips his legs around me and I lean back on his chest, sighing happily.

"So," I begin, biting my lip, trying to think of where to start. "Where do we go from here?"

He smiles.

**YAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Yeah, I know, it's corny. But continue reading (thataway) and you'll see the epilogue. And I really encourage you to read the author's note, for important info and thanks :)**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


	36. Epilogue

**So it has come to an end, my good friends and well-wishers. Please review, I'm BEGGING you...well, not really, but it'd be nice if you would :)**

_2 MONTHS LATER_

"Katie, stop sucking face and come get some breakfast!" Kendall exclaims, exasperated. I pull away from James, and we both smile at each other. He laces our fingers together and we walk to the breakfast table, taking seats across from my grumpy older brother.

"What's your problem, Kendork?" Carlos asks as he walks in, pulling a black t-shirt over his head.

My mom walks in with a plate of bacon and eggs, giving James and I a look. I suppose she heard what Kendall said, and I blush wildly. She retreats back into the kitchen, tying her apron tighter behind her. I exhale in relief when she's gone, grabbing James's hand again under the table.

"So what's wrong, Kendall?" Carlos asks again. He honestly doesn't know how to leave things alone. "Wake up on the wrong side of the cave?"

James scoffs. "Nah, he's just mad because Gustavo told him he was singing off-key yesterday. He's been pissed ever since." I chuckle, and Kendall stares James down.

"Why don't I like you anymore, James?" he asks, setting his fork down, raising his shoulders and shaking his head in wonder.

"Probably cause he's screwing your sister," Carlos quips, and I blush even more darkly. James's eyes widen in fear at the look on Kendall's face.

I kick Carlos under the table. "Now you know that's not true, Carlos, so just shut the hell up." Kendall is still looking at James as if he wants to kill him.

"KATIE KNIGHT!" I hear from the kitchen. "WATCH YOUR MOUTH!" I roll my eyes.

"Sorry, Mom!" I exclaim. I turn back to my food, noticing that Kendall still looks angry.

I set a gentle hand on his forearm. "Calm down, Carlos is just trying to get you worked up." He loosens up, and his shoulders aren't as tense anymore. I consider it a job well done.

"So," James begins beside me. "Do you wanna go to the beach today? Gustavo says we can take a day off, to, um," he coughs, looking at Kendall out of the corner of his eye, "_rest our voices_."

Kendall scowls. "Just go to the beach with him, Katie. Maybe he'll get eaten by a shark."

"Funny," James says. "But that's where you're wrong. I bought this new shark-repellant Cuda spray-"

I hold up a hand. "Please tell me you're joking. Please, please do not put on shark-spray."

He slumps in his seat, picking at his bacon. I sigh and roll my eyes, leaning over to peck him on the cheek. Kendall gags and takes a drink of his orange juice. I narrow my eyes at him.

"Not at the breakfast table, please," he says. "I'll really strain my voice if I puke everywhere."

I drop my fork. "Suddenly not hungry anymore." James smiles at me, and I return it. He rubs my knee under the table, and I hear Logan say behind us, "What are you doing with your hand under the table, James?"

Suddenly there is a banging sound as James quickly removes his hand from my knee, accidentally slamming it into the bottom of the table.

Logan chuckles. "Just kidding, guys," he says and takes a seat beside Kendall, who in turn huffs and gets up, walking toward his room. I roll my eyes at his retreating form.

James puts an arm around my shoulder. "So let's go to the beach. I feel like catching some waves." He jumps up and pretends to surf, doing his Cuda moves at the same time. I shake my head at my boyfriend, unable to contain my giggles. I walk to my room to get my bathing suit.

The pictures of James and I are now back on the shelves, smiling down at me amidst photos of Kendall and me at my birthday party and other random moments. I smile a little at the one over my bed, the one that I first knocked down during my rage last July.

Leaning over, I grab my bathing suit out from under my bed. I suddenly question James's decision- it's December and the water will be chilly. I shrug it off, figuring I can tan if nothing else. I grab my beach hat and bag on my way out the door, smiling to myself. I've smiled more these last two months than I have in my whole life, and that thought makes me grin again. Everyone's been doing good, for once, and I think that Kendall might pop the question to Jo in the near future (though I don't voice my suspicions to anyone but Carlos and James).

I head out the door, grabbing a light jacket just in case. Once out the door, though, I re-enter my room. I walk over to my bed and look at the framed picture over the headboard, beside the one of James and I at his graduation.

I touch the glass lightly, reading the words that I know all too well.

_JAMES DIAMOND'S SECRET FLING!_

And underneath that, as a subtitle: _How the hot young pop star has found love with the sister of his bandmate!_

I grin at the picture, and tap the glass once more before heading out of my room to go to the beach with the boy I love.

**So little Miss Katie got her happily ever after...for now. *laughs evilly*. but, anyways, keep going to the author's note, for info on something that some people have asked for...what is it, you ask, well, you'll have to click that there button to see:)**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


	37. Info and Author's Note

****wrote this last night****

**The end's not near, it's here, my friends, and I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone. **

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed, and I'll certainly miss getting feedback from 'child who is cool', who always put, simply, 'great chapter'. :) I would like to personally thank all of you, but there are over two hundred reviews, buddy. There is no WAY I'm going to try to do that.**

**Thanks to the writers who wrote things to occupy my time when I was stuck on a chapter: Miss Fenway with her incredible '**_**Little Hollow', **_**Clarry wrote '**_**Something There That Wasn't There Before'**_**, SiriusLives1234, who wrote '**_**Little Piece of Minnesota', **_**which I found amazing even before I read the fourteenth chapter, where she gave me a shout-out, and many, many more. Thanks, guys, for giving me the pleasure of reading such fantastic stories. And to Miss Fenway, you owe me like fifty bucks in Kleenex money.**

**I also owe a lot to my older sister, Haile, who, even though she's a popular, collected, person, found it in her heart to read my little story about Big Time Rush, and not make fun. She always gives me positive feedback, and I'll really miss watching her expression as she reads new chapters, gasping or crinkling her eyebrows in confusion at something that just went WAY over her head. She cracks me up, and always gave encouragement. Every night she'd ask, "Did you write more?" And the majority of the time, I had. So thanks, Haile, my sister/fanfiction character (:**

**Thanks to my best friend Shelby, who read it even though I was probably annoying in trying to get her to start it. But she loved it, and thank goodness. She gives me the support I need, and always listens when I start rambling about some new, exciting part that I'm posting. I'm serious; it's ridiculous how long I can go on about this story. She read the last chapter last week, while I was asleep,( and probably snoring), beside her.**

**And thanks to my other best friend, Taylor, who also read diligently…I didn't even have to ask her to! She had read my Outsiders story, and found her way to 'The Only Exception' on her own. Thumbs up for Tay Tay Rizzle! And she also let me tell her over and over again to 'read the new chapter and tell me what you think'. I badgered this girl endlessly, I think, and she probably was annoyed by the time I published the finale. (:**

**THANKS TO GOD, OF COURSE! He blessed me with the ability to write and entertain you people, (though I hope you may have gotten more out of it than cheep thrills). He amazes me by how great that He's made my life this year, and for that I am eternally grateful to Him. I want to thank Him for helping inspiration to hit like lightening bolts, and for helping me actually finish a fanfiction for once. (:**

**And now that those thanks are over, I wish to tell you to do something for me, (if you haven't already). Go to my page and read 'Heaven'. It's James/Katie, and, in my opinion, one of the best things I've written (though it's only a oneshot). And PLEASE REVIEW IT. I need feedback like I need air.**

**AND THE LAST SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT (BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST): There WILL indeed be a sequel to this, entitled 'Boston' (tentatively). It should be up in a week or so, most likely. Check back if you even care. And don't think it's smooth sailing for Katie and James; love is a rocky road (and I thought I couldn't get any cornier).**

**None of you realize how much I loved writing this, reading reviews, etc. Oh, and a huge thanks to all of the people who put up with my ridiculously short chapter awhile back; I'm sorry for that. This story helped me through some tough things (i.e. the leaf collection fiasco, the history test that I bombed, and many emotional problems that I've had since it began), and I found it to be my therapy of sorts. I put a lot of myself into the portrayal of Katie, (except, I would've sent that SOB Zack packin' after the first slap.), and I think it probably shows to people who know me personally. It means so much to me that I was able to write something that had over 20,000 views in the first month and a half. **

**So now I must bid farewell, until we meet again in 'Boston'. (Haha, I'm witty). And it is named after the song that they kiss in, FYI, but who's to say that there's nothing more to the title?**

**Think about that for awhile. **

**XOXO Kaelynn Stewart, Almost Birthday Girl.**

**11:42 P.M., (eighteen minutes until my birthday)**

**9/30/10**

**(P.S. I'm giving this pairing an official name: it shall be Jatie, if that's not already out there. Now bye(:)**


End file.
